[eliot mayfield]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

Jesus loves Landover Church and I know this for a fact! I will never abandon Landover Baptist Church or allow its holy name to be dragged through the mud! I am a True Christian and this I know for certain and I have never been more proud of anything in my life, me everlasting life that is!

[Holyharland]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

It, in itself, is a cult. A most hateful, degrading, racist, elitist establishment of hypocrisy quite behind it's time.

Silence heathen! Enough of your God hating blasphemy!

Let us hope that one day, the members of this church can realize that we don't burn people because we think they are witches anymore, and it is okay to think for yourselves.

It is YOU that needs to be prayed for. Its YOU who is lost. You the faithless one. I pray one day you see the errors of your sinful ways, and accept God into your heart.

You have been added to my prayer list tonight. I can only hope for your sake that you will seek forgiveness for insulting God's favorite church.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

God created everything in existence, including the material to build pulp mills. He then inspired men to make them so we could make paper from the trees. This isn't rocket science, which is another concept God put into the minds of humanity.

How kindly explain why you, so freshly out of Quarantine, are so rude to God that you refuse to capitalize His name.

[Don Bozo el Guapo]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

1. Sister Mary Maria;268034]He has. It's all written down there in the Bible as it happened. Not only that, if there was no God there wouldn't be a Bible or the paper it's written on (so god created pulp mills?)or the internet ( And Al Gore?)for you to whine and pretend you don't believe in Him and there would be no you for that matter! Want proof of God? Look in the mirror.( god looks like peanut brittle?) Want proof of Satan? Read your own writing.The evidence is incontrovertible. God is.Case closed.

   I believe.I just got questions.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

All hail! The mighty snail!

I'm afraid that's the end of the line for you. We do NOT allow people to describe their naughty bits in here. This is a FAMILY forum. Put your snail back in it's thimble.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

Sorry, Al Capone, I will not clear anything up for you, because you seem stupid enough to misquote people. Meaning that any attempt to explain will just be misquoted again...

I don't think I misquoted you, and I have NEVER mis-quoted the Bible. I suppose I should mention what happened to Jim C over at Objective Ministries. He had this little 'LandoverBaptist shutdown" thing going until an eighteen-wheeler jumped the curb and mashed him into jelly about three years ago while he was walking to the liquor store. It was all over the papers. No one even noticed until the next morning. The truck was never found and a dog had dragged of one of Jim's arms and buried it.

By the time the police got there, cats and birds had picked his bones pretty clean. I'd explain what that has to do with you, but you are going into permanent quarantine. Turns out he had two Pekingese dogs with him. They found bits of the leashes. Our theory is that the dogs were yappity-yap-yap-yapping, like you do...and distracted the truck driver, but we'll never know, because no one ever came forward.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

I only get drunk on occasion (like for instance, when I know it will make God angry).

OK.

Wait.

So... you get drunk in order to anger a Deity you don't believe in in the first place?

That makes a lot of sense.

Don't bump into a tree on your way out.

Genesis 34:10
And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.

[Forest_dweller]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

Sorry, Al Capone, I will not clear anything up for you, because you seem stupid enough to misquote people. Meaning that any attempt to explain will just be misquoted again...

Captain Crunch, here is your reply.
Thats so sweet, you do not have to feel sorry for me! I'm about to be a little too drunk to feel sorry about anything!
Out of personal curiosity, what church "saved" you the first time? Clearly if you where saved, you cannot sin, and if you cannot sin, you cannot stop being saved. So how did that all go wrong? Did you realize that your own nature and urges where unstoppable?

I was not babbling, I explained that if God controls hell, and hell is fictional, then your threats and promises are laughable.

And how exactly am I depraved? I do not do drugs, and I only get drunk on occasion (like for instance, when I know it will make God angry). Ever try coming to a Christmas church service wasted? I'm still laughing about it now!

Keep dreaming, you will not zip up anywhere. When you die, your thoughts, personality, and memories simply cease. So tough luck, you cant even hallucinate going to heaven with a rotting brain.

And if you mention the out of body experiences during surgery, where the people died and went to heaven, I have a simple explanation. They never seem to mention what anesthetic was being used for the surgery, do they?

Just because the bible says it does not make it true. Look, I can scribble down gospels too! And if I say they are true, that means they must be!
"And it came to pass, that the world was created by a gigantic snail. The world and universe are all slowly riding through time, on top of the snail's back. The snail knows all, sees all, and judges all. "
-II Fantasies 10:33

All hail! The mighty snail!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

P Biblethumpingblonde is a pervert beyond fixing.

Sorry Brother, I didn't quite catch that. I mean I read the words, but I am sure you don't mean them. Clear that up for me would you please?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

Sorry to get back to you so late, captain crunch. Its just that I got too caught up with sinning and making God angry to check up on the forums in a while.

The fact that you were off sinning does not surprise me in the slightest. It is sad however that you think so very little of your immortal Soul.

You are forgetting that first of all, you do not control who goes into hell, God does. And second, God does not even exist, so that means hell does not exist either.

That's quite a contradiction you've got going there. First you say God sends people to Hell, which is 100% true, as it says here:

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.

Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
Romans 13:1-2

Then you say God does not exist. How stoned were you when you posted this?

Hence, you, and I, will be little more then a pile of rotting flesh after we die. Accept it. No angels singing for you, only the never ending darkness of your coffin, which you will never see.

Well, here you are half right. YOU will be a pile of rotting flesh for a while, I'll zip right up to the right hand of God in Heaven. After the Rapture, you'll get your body back so it can be tortured forever in HELL!

I have made my bet. You can put your chips on the fictional end-all solution, and waste your only life chasing it. And I, on the other hand, can enjoy my life to the fullest, because hey, it is the only one I have.
Thats why I feel I should be kinder to you, because you have lied to yourself. It fills me with pity to see someone who has willingly blindfolded himself just because someone lied to him about eternal rewards.

No one lied to me. I am Saved, washed by the Blood of the Lamb and therefore I am no longer capable of sin. I am the one who is living life to the fullest. Jesus lives within me, he guides my every thought and action. You are guided by the Dark One to sin and lead a life of debauched depravity. I am the one who should feel sorry for you, not the other way 'round.

The truth is, if God existed, he would have shown it. Since he has not, we must conclude that he is nothing but fantasy. Thats right, God is less then air, dust, and filth.

What are you babbling about? Look around you, evidence of God is everywhere. Reality is evidence of God, He created the Universe. The Bible is like the Owner's Manual for the Universe. And since you haven't read The Bible, you're like one of those guys trying to put together a lawn mower without looking at the Owner's Manual. You think you're doing it right, but you're way off, trust me.

But you were just a tiny bit correct here too, because since God is in everything, His presence exists in air, dust, and filth as well.

One day, I promise you, you will wake up, and see the lie that you where living. I hope so.

I already have woken up son, more than once. I was a sinner like you, and then I was Saved, but not by a Baptist Church, so it didn't stick. I became a sinner again and wallowed in depravity. But then I got Saved for real. And now I'm home free! Praise!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

The truth is, if God existed, he would have shown it.

He has. It's all written down there in the Bible as it happened. Not only that, if there was no God there wouldn't be a Bible or the paper it's written on or the internet for you to whine and pretend you don't believe in Him and there would be no you for that matter!
Want proof of God? Look in the mirror.
Want proof of Satan? Read your own writing.

The evidence is incontrovertible. God is.

Case closed.

[Forest_dweller]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

Sorry to get back to you so late, captain crunch. Its just that I got too caught up with sinning and making God angry to check up on the forums in a while. Well, onto the message...

You are forgetting that first of all, you do not control who goes into hell, God does. And second, God does not even exist, so that means hell does not exist either. Hence, you, and I, will be little more then a pile of rotting flesh after we die. Accept it. No angels singing for you, only the never ending darkness of your coffin, which you will never see.
I have made my bet. You can put your chips on the fictional end-all solution, and waste your only life chasing it. And I, on the other hand, can enjoy my life to the fullest, because hey, it is the only one I have.
Thats why I feel I should be kinder to you, because you have lied to yourself. It fills me with pity to see someone who has willingly blindfolded himself just because someone lied to him about eternal rewards.

The truth is, if God existed, he would have shown it. Since he has not, we must conclude that he is nothing but fantasy. Thats right, God is less then air, dust, and filth. One day, I promise you, you will wake up, and see the lie that you where living. I hope so.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

Pencil dick? Screw you, ass muncher.
Blonde, guess what? You cant write that sort of thing without visualizing it, so you are a real pervert. Yep, I said it. Biblethumpingblonde is a pervert beyond fixing.

To be completely honest, I actually wish God were real. Because he would burn you in hell if he was. Ah well, unfulfilled dreams...

Why you have not been banned outright is beyond me. Jesus and the Pastors must have a plan for you. That is the only explanation for why you still have posting rights on our Godly forum. And the only things I would say our wonderful Sister Thumper is beyond are loveliness and kindness. Miss BTB is beyond lovely and she is beyond kind!

You however, are a different story. Your rudeness is beyond measuring, your misguided pride beyond comprehension, and your inability to see the errors of your ways is beyond disappointing.

Your place in Hell is being made ready for you as we speak. Enjoy the eternal torments of the Lake of Fire, you vile, disgusting sinner!

[Forest_dweller]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

Pencil dick? Screw you, ass muncher.
Blonde, guess what? You cant write that sort of thing without visualizing it, so you are a real pervert. Yep, I said it. Biblethumpingblonde is a pervert beyond fixing.

To be completely honest, I actually wish God were real. Because he would burn you in hell if he was. Ah well, unfulfilled dreams...

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Please pray for Landover Baptist Church

I believe that little fantasy there makes you an adulterer, no?

How can Sister BTB be an adulteress?

She's not married.