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  • #1

    Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

    Surely everyone would agree that the oil spill is punishment for something. Now that we see it headed for beaches, the target for the punishment is becoming clear. It is the nearly naked women on these beaches.

    Please pray that the spill chases these harlots out of sight.

    Thank you.
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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  • #2
    Re: Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

    Good point.

    The acres of nubile flesh parleyed across the Louisiana beaches is an open invitation for adultery and licentious conduct and thought. God's righteous wrath is oozing its' way across the gulf to befoul the slatterns!
    Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.

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    • #3
      Re: Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

      I'm sorry to report that the Gulf Coast is lousy with beaches where folks run around naked as jaybirds, offending Jesus with abandon.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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      • #4
        Re: Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

        Since it was my company that manufactured (in China) the drilling equipment that failed and caused the offshore oil platform to explode, I believe that I need to say a few words.


        Whoops!

        First of all, I think that the liberal news media is being sensationalistic and unfair. For example, they're harping on the fact that 11 workers on the oil platform were killed. Actually, that hasn't been confirmed - they are only MISSING, and there is no reason to think that after spending more than a week floating around in the warm waters of the Gulf that they aren't still alive. Indeed, I suspect that they are enjoying their swim.

        If they remain missing for seven years, they can be declared legally dead. At that time, their families will become eligible for my company's generous compensation terms. Uranus Corporation is prepared to offer each family a booklet of 2-for-1 coupons which can be used at any Wal-mart to purchase a package of corn tortillas and a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew.


        Fair compensation

        Note that this is better than the deal we're offering to the families of the recent Massey Coal Mine disaster. They only got the Dinty Moore, but no tortillas. That's because 25 got killed and 4 are still missing - offering compensation for 29 families would have put us over budget.

        Anyway, it's important to realize that these disasters are NOT the fault of private corporations. Rather, it's Big Government that is to blame. If it wasn't for government regulators breathing down our necks, we could have hired illegal aliens to do all the dirty and dangerous jobs, thus sparing Americans from taking these unnecessary risks.
        Praise Jesus!
        Brother Fred
        CEO, The Uranus Corporation
        Put your faith in Uranus!
        sigpic

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

          @Free Market Fred I am so glad to hear those workers might still be alive! And you are so generous for providing those family members who do not work for their own food with almost free food! #Proverbs 12:24
          I Jesus!

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          • #6
            Re: Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

            Aha, just as I thought! Now there is proof positive that Obama was behind the oil spill.

            Rush Limbaugh has the inside scoop

            Ladies and gentlemen, I didn't hear this myself, but I have been informed that President Obama is sending SWAT teams to the Gulf oil rigs. SWAT teams? I'm waiting on audio sound bite confirmation of this, but why in the world would you send SWAT teams to Gulf oil rigs? Oh, I know! Obama probably thinks the tea party blew up the rig. That's what it is. (laughing) Yes. Of course the tea party did it! (laughing) Seriously, you know, this rig... We had this call from a guy out there who said nobody's talking about whether this was an act of sabotage because I guess they can't prove it, but they're going to send SWAT teams down there? He was going to send a SWAT team to the rig that blew up or are you going to send a SWAT team to other rigs? What's going on here? Remember, this rig blew April 21st, which is one day prior to "Erf" Day.
            Rush Limbaugh heard a rumor that somebody said Obama is sending SWAT teams to the Gulf. That sounds like 100% solid proof to me! Our Public Relations Department is busy anonymously planting an Internet rumor that Obama used Predator missiles to take out the oil drilling platform in order to promote sales of Al Gore's lying DVD movie, An Inconvenient Truth. By this time tomorrow, our paid operatives Matt Drudge and Glenn Beck will be blathering this news to the whole world.

            If Obama and Gore are behind this outrage, I see no reason why my company should pay one dime in clean-up costs. We might even revoke our offer of Dinty Moore Beef Stew 2-for-1 coupons.
            Praise Jesus!
            Brother Fred
            CEO, The Uranus Corporation
            Put your faith in Uranus!
            sigpic

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

              Originally posted by Free Market Fred View Post
              Aha, just as I thought! Now there is proof positive that Obama was behind the oil spill.
              Let's hope he gets impeached for that. I could care less about those birds, but losing all that valuable oil hurts a lot.
              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

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              • #8
                Re: Pray The Oil Spill Ends Bikinis on Beaches

                If Obama would just let the oil companies drill in
                Alaska where they want to this sort of thing would not happen.When is the last time you saw a oil rig sink on dry land?

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