[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

I'll be sure to do so. I intend to tithe 11% (Lord willing) as soon as my account is set up.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I need advice

I don't have a paypal account and my Internet usage is strictly monitored by my evil, liberal parents. Why yesterday...I caught them watching CNN! Disgusting! They control all of my money and surely won't allow me to donate...and they call themselves Christians.

That to our Godly president even the underage can tithe against future earnings with a credit card. Please contact the Church office to arraing for a Landover Platinum card.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: I need advice

I don't have a paypal account and my Internet usage is strictly monitored by my evil, liberal parents. Why yesterday...I caught them watching CNN! Disgusting! They control all of my money and surely won't allow me to donate...and they call themselves Christians.

Can't you sneak the credit cards from your Mommy or Daddy's wallet when they are sleeping? We accept all major credit cards.

GLORY!

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

I don't have a paypal account and my Internet usage is strictly monitored by my evil, liberal parents. Why yesterday...I caught them watching CNN! Disgusting! They control all of my money and surely won't allow me to donate...and they call themselves Christians.

[Miss Maisie]

Re: I need advice

Thank you for all of your encouragement. I will continue to do as your guidance suggests. Now, how about upgrading my status to "Member". I feel so out of place being labeled "Unsaved Trash".

Perhaps y'all ought to show your new-found faith by a love offering to Jesus? I do believe the Pastors are in dire need of something....but I forget what. Oh my word, silly me.

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

I see. Well, I suppose that there's nothing to do about the red tape but wait it out.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: I need advice

As I understand it, your Department of Faith review has not yet been approved. Jesus will let us know when it is time for you to become a member. On a totally-unrelated note, your tithing history seems to be lacking, as you are nowhere near having tithed at least 10% of every dime you've ever made....

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

Thank you for all of your encouragement. I will continue to do as your guidance suggests. Now, how about upgrading my status to "Member". I feel so out of place being labeled "Unsaved Trash".

[Sister Noddy]

Re: I need advice

I took all of your advice down to the last word. I quit the supposedly Baptist church that I found. It turns out that the pastor was a homer. I am renouncing anime, nickelodeon, and masturbation, among other sins, and have rebuked all of my unGodly former friends and am fighting my way through liberal public school. All for Christ's sake. Praise Jesus!

Isn't this wonderful news, Andrew! And you'll see, it will all be worth it, for eternal salvation and the promise of Heaven with GOD. Once saved, we are sin-free!

Psalm 119:2 Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart.

Psalm 119:3 They also do no iniquity: they walk in his ways.

Now be good, Andrew, and resist lie-beral-stalinist peer-pressure to do sin at that school of yours. This might mean you will lose all your friends and be an outcast, but you're doing it for your immortal soul in JESUS' love!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I need advice

I took all of your advice down to the last word. I quit the supposedly Baptist church that I found. It turns out that the pastor was a homer. I am renouncing anime, nickelodeon, and masturbation, among other sins, and have rebuked all of my unGodly former friends and am fighting my way through liberal public school. All for Christ's sake. Praise Jesus!

Glory!! Another soul for Christ!!

Now all you have to do is hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page and set up a robust Tithing schedule.

Jesus is waiting, Andy. He needs a new pair of shoes.

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

I took all of your advice down to the last word. I quit the supposedly Baptist church that I found. It turns out that the pastor was a homer. I am renouncing anime, nickelodeon, and masturbation, among other sins, and have rebuked all of my unGodly former friends and am fighting my way through liberal public school. All for Christ's sake. Praise Jesus!

[Mr. Jingles]

Re: I need advice

What do you mean YOU FOUND A CHURCH?!?!?! Do you mean a church OTHER THAN LANDOVER BAPTIST?!?!?

There are other churches besides Landover Baptist? I didn't know that. No matter; anyone who attends them is probably a homer or a Clinton supporter-or both.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: I need advice

Of course not! I found a local church to supplement your teachings, but you are still my primary source.

We are your only sourse, sissyboy. Do you want to get to Heaven when you die? Then you be sure to take the advice of the Godly Dr CE Ville, Andrew.

Not only do you not need any supplement teachings, you don't need any of those other kind of christians. After all, GOD only knows what manner of watered-down-inverted-perverted nonsense they go by!

You need True Christians™ around you like a protective cocoon filled with the truth of Jesus' tough love. Be careful of the company you keep on your own personal road to salvation, for ...

Luke 6:22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.

For Jesus' sake!

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: I need advice

We're not catholics here -- we don't need any external supplement to the Teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. When you have the whole Truth(tm) and nothing but the Truth(tm), what else would you possibly need or want?!

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

What do you mean YOU FOUND A CHURCH?!?!?! Do you mean a church OTHER THAN LANDOVER BAPTIST?!?!?

Of course not! I found a local church to supplement your teachings, but you are still my primary source.