I need advice

[Sister Noddy]

Re: I need advice

What do you mean YOU FOUND A CHURCH?!?!?! Do you mean a church OTHER THAN LANDOVER BAPTIST?!?!?

I was wondering the same thing! Andrew, explain yourself!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: I need advice

You can be sure I will! P.S. I found a church. Praise!

What do you mean YOU FOUND A CHURCH?!?!?! Do you mean a church OTHER THAN LANDOVER BAPTIST?!?!?

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: I need advice

You can be sure I will! P.S. I found a church. Praise!

What Bible version do they use? Do they accept the five points of Calvinism? Do they turn around and look at you funny when you stand up and shout "AMEN!"?

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

You can be sure I will! P.S. I found a church. Praise!

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: I need advice

I think the problem here is initiative. Show some pro-active-ness, Andrew, and instead of waiting for your mother to ask you to sweep the floor, grab a great big King James 1611 Bible, walk right up to her and proclaim - "the Lords will be done. You WILL sweep this floor this day woman. Praise Jesus!".
That way when she tries to make you do it, she is rebelling against God, and should be beaten or stoned her for her disobedience.
Using the Bible in this way is a Godly, time-honoured and correct method of accomplishing your aims. Try it at school, or in times of civil disobedience. Using the Bible as a symbol of authority and power in every aspect of your life will frighten people into obedience, and they 'll do what you want them to out of fear of rebelling against God.
Its actually quite easy, but don't ever get tempted to take advantage of that power or act in a hypocritical manner. God hates that.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: I need advice

Wow. Thanks for all the advice. By the way Billy, I added the PVC pipe to my mom's shopping list myself.

... and make sure she gives you the what-for with it every time you're a bad boy, Andrew ...

Let us pray, Sister Noddy

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

Wow. Thanks for all the advice. By the way Billy, I added the PVC pipe to my mom's shopping list myself.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: I need advice

There aren't any around but I'll keep looking. Any advice about my parents?

Please do keep looking, and I will keep you in my prayers. In the meantime, since you haven't found a proper church and thus aren't able to put anything into the collection plate, I suggest that you hit the PayPal button and support the work of the Lord. We must seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness before worrying about our own problems (Matt. 6:33).

[Every Knee]

Re: I need advice

I'd agree with Brother V. Get yourself in a good, independent, fundamental, bible-believing church that preaches the Bible. Do everything they say, and it'll solve ALL of your problems.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I need advice

Even though he is a nondenominational "pastor", and is therefore likely to be a Hellbound Liberal, he is actually right in this case. Jesus said, in Matthew 15:4, "For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death."

My advice would be that your mother should go to Home Depot, buy a 4 foot length of PVC pipe, and beat you with it every time you back sass her.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

But remember friend you need to also hate your parents while you honor them.

Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple

God hates the lukewarm so there better be some active loathing of your family here. Every day you are not actively plotting your parent's death is a day that Jesus weeps when He sees you.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: I need advice

Even though he is a nondenominational "pastor", and is therefore likely to be a Hellbound Liberal, he is actually right in this case. Jesus said, in Matthew 15:4, "For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death."

My advice would be that your mother should go to Home Depot, buy a 4 foot length of PVC pipe, and beat you with it every time you back sass her.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I need advice

There aren't any around but I'll keep looking. Any advice about my parents?

Hate them but honour them like Jesus wants you to.

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: I need advice

There aren't any around but I'll keep looking. Any advice about my parents?

[Brother V]

Re: I need advice

I really need advice. I attend a local nondenominational church. Please pray and offer any advice. Thanks.

-Andrew

Get thee to an independent FUNdamentalist Baptist Church.

After that, we can work on the rest of your problems.

YIC
V

[Andrew Barrick]

I really need advice. I attend a local nondenominational church. They don't seem to care about the behavior of many in the congregation. Why, just the other day, my mother made me sweep the floor at our house! When I said something to my youth pastor, he said "You should do what your parents say." I agree with him, but even when what they say goes against the Bible? Please pray and offer any advice. Thanks.

-Andrew