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  • Jesussaysslipnotsucks
    Unsaved trash
     
    • Jun 2008
    • 52
    #16
    Re: Prayer request - please help

    Originally posted by Talitha View Post
    NO!!
    You have to let the warmth of Jesus enter you.
    Show that you've read The Bible (King James Version ONLY).

    THERE IS NO SHORT CUT TO SALVATION.
    I've read the KING JAMES VERSION ONLY bible through twice, thank you.
    Yet I'm still unsaved trash

    Originally posted by peter_p View Post
    I've always had a really bad problem with praying.... i dont know if you can help me. every time i pray, i feel the urge to pass wind, is this god trying to contact me? it's been happening for some time now.
    ohhhhhhhhh i bet it is!
    For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19

      Comment

      • Pastor Ezekiel
        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 78553
        #17
        Re: Prayer request - please help

        Originally posted by slipknotfan View Post
        I've read the KING JAMES VERSION ONLY bible through twice, thank you.
        Yet I'm still unsaved trash
        There's alot more to acheiving True Christian™ status than claiming to have read the Good Book a couple of times. You have yet to quote from any verse in the Bible, and your smart-alecky cartoon avatar doesn't endear you any to Christ.

        Not to mention that we have yet to receive your Tithe. That's what that shiny Paypal button is for at the bottom of the page.
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • Jesussaysslipnotsucks
            Unsaved trash
             
            • Jun 2008
            • 52
            #18
            Re: Prayer request - please help

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            There's alot more to acheiving True Christian™ status than claiming to have read the Good Book a couple of times. You have yet to quote from any verse in the Bible, and your smart-alecky cartoon avatar doesn't endear you any to Christ.

            Not to mention that we have yet to receive your Tithe. That's what that shiny Paypal button is for at the bottom of the page.
            ohhh, so the paypal button is a direct link to salvation!
            For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19

              Comment

              • Rev. M. Rodimer
                Honorary True Christian™
                Forum Member
                • May 2008
                • 13996
                #19
                Re: Prayer request - please help

                Originally posted by Jesussaysslipnotsucks View Post
                but, i dont deserve Jesus
                That's true, Sucks.

                Nobody deserves Jesus. We are all filthy, disgusting sinners with no value in God's eyes except as fuel for His fire. Humans are not worthy to lick His toe, and must recognize their place as His playthings. The more fortunate sinners might aspire to be the Hellfire over which He toasts His evening marshmallow some cold winter's night in Heaven.

                But, God decided He didn't want to torture ALL of His creation for all eternity, so He came to Earth as Jesus, to give us all a chance to be Saved©! This elite group consists of those who hear the Word of God, read and follow the entire KJV Bible, and who love and fear God with all their hearts.

                Those of us who are Saved© can look forward to spending OUR afterlives in Heaven, enjoying the occasional Hellfire-toasted marshmallow ourselves. Wouldn't you like to join us?
                Bible boring? Nonsense!
                Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                  Comment

                  • Jesussaysslipnotsucks
                    Unsaved trash
                     
                    • Jun 2008
                    • 52
                    #20
                    Re: Prayer request - please help

                    Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
                    Wouldn't you like to join us?
                    I would, but how? Its just to good to be true, its far to much for my finite, stupid little mind to grasp.
                    For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19

                      Comment

                      • Deaner
                        Christ's Love Messenger
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 5932
                        #21
                        Re: Prayer request - please help

                        Originally posted by Jesussaysslipnotsucks View Post
                        its far to much for my finite, stupid little mind to grasp.
                        Your attitude is pretty good.

                        You are a woman so the debate still rages on whether you even have a soul; but you seem to have keen insight into your character.

                        If you submit your will and your life to Jesus; we will start with getting you married and pregnant as soon as possible. Do you like to cook; do you know how to keep your mouth shut and listen to your husband?

                          Comment

                          • Jesussaysslipnotsucks
                            Unsaved trash
                             
                            • Jun 2008
                            • 52
                            #22
                            Re: Prayer request - please help

                            Originally posted by Deaner View Post
                            Your attitude is pretty good.

                            You are a woman so the debate still rages on whether you even have a soul; but you seem to have keen insight into your character.

                            If you submit your will and your life to Jesus; we will start with getting you married and pregnant as soon as possible. Do you like to cook; do you know how to keep your mouth shut and listen to your husband?

                            Woman might not have souls? oh dear. I never knew this.
                            Well, i like to cook ok and am rather good at it i suppose.
                            But is marriage really needed?
                            For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19

                              Comment

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