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Here is a prayer request - please ask the Lord to force Deaner to suspend me and ban me for life from these posts.
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Re: Prayer request - please help
This is a rather unusual request, Brother/Sister. Have you Prayed upon it also, or do you simply seek to Pray upon Brother Deaner? -
Re: Prayer request - please help
Oh, but you just got here! Why don't you tell us something about yourself, such as your favorite Bible verse? Do you tithe? What about your sexual orientation? If you are a homer, of course JESUS will drop your sorry butt into satan's lake of fire when you die (Jesus forgive noddy)Originally posted by stunned View Post
In fact, while you're at it, why don't you tell us what you think is ...
WRONG!
... with our GODLY forums, stun boy?
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
What would be the point of that?Originally posted by stunned View Post
There's a big red X in the upper-right corner of your screen. Click it, and you will never have to look upon God's Favorite Forum again. Well, until He shows you the point where you could have turned to Him, but chose to be snarky instead . . . and then drop-kicks you straight into Hell!
<-- I like this one. I shall use it often.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Re: Prayer request - please help
Stunned, Jesus brought you here for a reason. Why fight? Embrace the teachings of these Godly Brothers and Sisters and accept Jesus. Jesus will reward you for it.Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
As Benjamin Franklin said, "God helps those who help themselves." As an example, if you asked me to help you desecrate a catlick church, but then just watched me as I set it alight for you, I was not actually helping you. I would be doing the work for you.Originally posted by stunned View Post
Many Christians fall into the trap of inactivity. Many Christians ask God for help, but then expect God to do everything Himself. They excuse this by pointing to the fact that God will provide according to His will and in His timing. However, this is not a reason for inactivity.
Hence we see that your first port of call should be a polite note to Brother Deaner himself. Brother Deaner is almost too keen to help those suffering and by The Lord’s Word and Mercy he will be guided.sigpic
Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
Marvellous advice for the unsaved and slack-jawed masses, Brother. Unfortunately they have great trouble finding that elusive "X", and we, God's Elect™, must trawl through their snivelling posts.Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
I believe that reading their posts is akin to the tortures of Hell; By God, I hope they suffer when they get there!True Christians are Perfect!
Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.
Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.
For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
Perhaps, Godly Mrs. Rogers, they will be forced to read their own drivel while simultaneously being sodomized by demons!Originally posted by Mrs. Rogers View PostBible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
It would serve them right!Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
oh wait, I'm unsaved trash
For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
Yoooooou betcha! And unfortunately you will continue to be so, until you ...Originally posted by slipknotfan View Post
It would serve them right!
oh wait, I'm unsaved trash
ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR!
... else you shall remain an outcast among GODLY TRUE CHRISTIANS™! For it is written ...
2nd John 1:10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed ...
Grimly, Sister Noddy
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
but, i dont deserve JesusOriginally posted by Sister Noddy View PostYoooooou betcha! And unfortunately you will continue to be so, until you ...
ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR!
... else you shall remain an outcast among GODLY TRUE CHRISTIANS™! For it is written ...
2nd John 1:10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed ...
Grimly, Sister Noddy
For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
oh is that how you change from unsaved trash to a True Christian?Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View PostFor though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19Comment
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Re: Prayer request - please help
NO!!Originally posted by slipknotfan View Post
You have to let the warmth of Jesus enter you.
Show that you've read The Bible (King James Version ONLY).
THERE IS NO SHORT CUT TO SALVATION.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Re: Prayer request - please help
I've always had a really bad problem with praying.... i dont know if you can help me. every time i pray, i feel the urge to pass wind, is this god trying to contact me? it's been happening for some time now.Comment
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