We are SO Lucky to be Male

[BrotherLarry]

Another example of why the Lord blessed us as men took place at the Monday night prayer circle at my church last evening. As you know, the weaker s-e-x is taken to gossip - they can't live without it, apparently. This is something with which males are not accursed.


So anyway, let me tell you the juicy details and then join with me in praising God that you were born a man.


So I'm sitting in the third pew as I always do and Sister Delphine Myers was in the fourth pew, right in front of Sister Evelyn Porter. The two of them are always scrapping about something. Well, don't you know that here comes Sister Judith Fisher and she sits beside Sister Delphine and says, "Delphine, did you hear about Marjorie? She and Frank had a terrible argument Sunday after church!" So Delphine says, "NO! What happened?" Just like a woman, you see, to not let it go. She had to be nosey about it. Well, I turned my head a little to be sure to hear everything (in case I needed to pray about something) and Sister Judith says, "Well, they were discussing the place women have in the family and Frank told her that he was the head of the family, and that Jesus was the head of the church, and since Jesus was Frank's master, that meant Frank was Marjorie's master. She flew into a rage and said that she worships Jesus and will call Him master but she "ain't callin NO man master." So Frank went to discipline her, as any good husband will, and Marjorie smacked him across the face and told him to get out of "her" home. Well everyone knows Marjorie didn't buy that house and barely keeps it clean."


Apparently Evelyn Porter and Marjorie are good friends so Evelyn turns around and says, so half the congregation could hear, "Judith you just hush your mouth about Marjorie and Frank. You weren't there and you have no right to be spreading such things about church members." Well, Judith got up and moved to the other side of the church and sat with Brother and Sister Rosewood, those rich folk that just moved to Manhattan from Montclair, New Jersey. Their house in NJ was right next to Olympia Dukakis and they tell me she uses scented trash bags and sometimes wears designer robes when she sets her trash out for pickup.


Now guys I haven't heard whether Judith and Evelyn have made up but you know none of this surprises me. I've seen how Marjorie treats Frank, and while I know you guys aren't acquainted with Frank seeing as how he's here in NYC and there all of you are across God's favorite country, but he's a nice man. Great marksman, served in Vietnam twice, and has a high school diploma AND a certificate from that school Sally Struthers used to advertise. I think his certificate is in child day care.


Well, anyway, you don't see Frank spreading tales and I'm sure none of you, my brothers, are caught up in it either. So anyway, I just had to get this story out of my head before I went crazy. God bless all of you!


BrotherLarry

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

It truly disgusts me to have to read your story Brother Larry, and reminds me how lucky I am that the Lord chose to make me a man.

Men are largely responsible for inventing most of the useful things in the world - like sewer pipes, toilets, refrigerators, beer, sandwiches, air conditioning, indoor plumbing, weapons, and wars, - all the things that make living worthwhile while waiting for Jesus to come back, and heaven. If we spent all of our time gossiping, nothing of any import would get done.

What disturbs me is this "transgender" stuff - where three times as many men want to become women as women want to become men. One more indication of the fagification of our great country.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

Brother William,


Yes, the TG stuff is extremely worrying. I recently read of an Austrian who chopped up his TG S-E-X worker partner (if you could call this abomination that) and proceeded to try and cook it. This would suggest that being attracted to persons of the same genital order makes one a cannibal. If it is taken one step further it could be likened to being a papist, as they like to indulge in eating the body and blood.


YIC
TT

[BrotherLarry]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

Brother William,


Yes, the TG stuff is extremely worrying. I recently read of an Austrian who chopped up his TG S-E-X worker partner (if you could call this abomination that) and proceeded to try and cook it. This would suggest that being attracted to persons of the same genital order makes one a cannibal. If it is taken one step further it could be likened to being a papist, as they like to indulge in eating the body and blood.


YIC
TT

I shouldn't think you'd be worried, Brother Tom, since your own son is undergoing the necessary prerequisites to reassign his gender to female. By the way, she's doing well and your daughters are excelling in boarding school.


I pray for you daily, Brother, and often you are the thing that is on my mind before I slumber.


In Christian Love,
BrotherLarry

[agnesaliencat]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

Name something that men use nowadays which was invented by a woman...

Top Answer: Circular saws.

You heard that right, as circular saws were invented by a woman almost 200 years ago.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

Name something that men use nowadays which was invented by a woman...

Top Answer: Circular saws.

You heard that right, as circular saws were invented by a woman almost 200 years ago.

Thank you. We are well aware of the hazards of, e.g., circular saws, windscreen wipers, fridges, kevlar, and deoxyribonucleic acid and our Creation Science Team posted a while ago the recommendations that all men abstain from using these perilous inventions.



God also agrees with us:

Ecclesiastes 7:26
And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[agnesaliencat]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

But without circular saws, you wouldn't be able to build your churches etc, and circular saws are also good for cutting concrete etc. You also wouldn't have high heels if it weren't for men, and one of the oldest known written novels was written by a Japanese woman in the 10th century.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

But without circular saws, you wouldn't be able to build your churches etc, and circular saws are also good for cutting concrete etc. You also wouldn't have high heels if it weren't for men, and one of the oldest known written novels was written by a Japanese woman in the 10th century.

Miss Cat:


Can you prove any of these claims with the Holy Bible? As a future Ph.D. in Creation Science, I am skeptical of any presented evidence that isn't scriptural in its scope. True Christian(TM) men will always be right because we are led by the Holy Spirit. (Romans 8:14) Unless a man verifies something spoken by a woman, it usually is just drivel.


As a young, virile, intelligent, well built certified equine gnathologist, I don't have time to go verifying everything some skirt says, since there is much research to do as I continue my quest for the doctorate while healing the mouths of horses seeking my expertise.


Just accept it: males are lucky to be males. God made us stronger, more mathematical and mechanical in nature, and it's up to us if you are saved in child birth - for without our upright appendages, your eggs are nothing but withering cells. Poof! Be off with you.


BrotherLarry
Rev. 22:12

[agnesaliencat]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

You also don't have to go through periods and childbirth, and you don't have to worry about people telling you what to want when it comes to your body.

[Didymus Much]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

You also don't have to go through periods and childbirth...

Well, we do have to put up with women going through those things, so there's that.

[agnesaliencat]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

That's called sweet revenge, because it takes two to tango, and if you're prepared to have sex with a woman and it leads to pregnancy, then you're prepared for the screaming match that will likely come when she has to risk serious injury and/or death to push YOUR child out of HER vagina, and you're also prepared to deal with whatever happens afterwards (even if that involves stuff that you don't necessarily believe in).

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

That's called sweet revenge, because it takes two to tango, and if you're prepared to have sex with a woman and it leads to pregnancy, then you're prepared for the screaming match that will likely come when she has to risk serious injury and/or death to push YOUR child out of HER vagina, and you're also prepared to deal with whatever happens afterwards (even if that involves stuff that you don't necessarily believe in).

You do realize, don't you, that this is the Men's Forum? Also, there are several men here whose wives have DIED in childbirth, through no fault of their own (the husbands, I mean - I don't know about the wives). How do you think it makes them feel, reading your flippant remarks?


You strike me as a particularly nasty, selfish and thoughtless child who would do well to spend some time contemplating her own faults.

[agnesaliencat]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

I always contemplate my faults, though I don't go around broadcasting them. I also don't go around saying stuff like "we are SO Lucky to be Female" (the only area in which I consider myself to be lucky is in the fact that I am a human being and that I can hold a decent conversation with people who don't hold the same beliefs as me without resorting to name-calling etc).

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

I always contemplate my faults, though I don't go around broadcasting them. I also don't go around saying stuff like "we are SO Lucky to be Female" (the only area in which I consider myself to be lucky is in the fact that I am a human being and that I can hold a decent conversation with people who don't hold the same beliefs as me without resorting to name-calling etc).

But you are lucky to female!

No doubt when you put this rebellious phase behind you and your father selects a good Christian older man for you to marry you can fulfil your destiny and provide him with sons.

1 Timothy 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

You lucky thing.

YIC

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: We are SO Lucky to be Male

I always contemplate my faults, though I don't go around broadcasting them. I also don't go around saying stuff like "we are SO Lucky to be Female" (the only area in which I consider myself to be lucky is in the fact that I am a human being and that I can hold a decent conversation with people who don't hold the same beliefs as me without resorting to name-calling etc).

Oh boo hoo. Let me guess, you are the product of parenting along the quaint "Don't criticize the child, criticize the behavior" line of thought. So I'll rephrase in in terms you can understand: You strike me as a child who is behaving in a particularly nasty, selfish and thoughtless way, and one who would do well to spend some time contemplating her own faults.

Is that better? I notice, by the way, that you made absolutely no apology for the profound distress you may have caused to some of the men here.