Time to DIY Circumcise myself

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Hello Brothers in Christ,

Having finished wolfing down some homemade dung cake, I've decided to advance further in spending my time in a Godly way. What better way than to proceed with a self-circumcision and bring my image closer to Jesus? (I look a bit like Him anyway, albeit with salt-and-pepper locks).

I found this procedural manual here on our beloved website. It looks a bit dated, however I do prefer tried-and-true wisdom over new fangled fads. (Why else do I love the Bible so much!?)

The beauty of this method is it looks to go deeper into perfecting the final look, unlike prissy joos who take off one easy layer and call it done.



Have anyone tried this on themselves, at all? I would love to hear some testimonial feed back, and how life has been since your operation.

-Jim

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

First things first, make sure you don't cut off TOO much. Remember Deuteronomy 23:1:

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.

Wouldn't want you to go to Hell over a little slip of the wrist.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

Brother Lukes,


Thankfully, being a man, I know how to use a knife. This is a reason I believe women don't have penises, because God wouldn't trust them with man-tasks like circumcising at a proper angle. 1 Peter 3:7

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

I wonder how you reconcile what you're planning to do with Galatians 5:2.

Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

Circumcision is mentioned over 100 times in the Bible, Pim. I will have to circle around every highlighted verse before I consider proceeding.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

Brother Jim,


Don't do it. Our very wise Brother Pim brings up a great point, and no matter how many times I've read about circumferencation in the Bible, it still sounds nasty - even with extra strength Crisco. Why not get a haircut instead?


(1 Corinthians 11:14-15) Praise Jesus!

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

I beat you to the punch, dear Brother L.

I got me a nice trim and shave earlier this afternoon. Of course, it makes my new profile pic quickly out of date.

I was assessing myself shirtless in the mirror for this picture, thankfully this is the Men's Only section for only men to see.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

Men, though this may seem like an arbitrary situation, affected by circumstance, it would seem uncircumcision has hidden consequences!

Just saw this story, some slut doctor gave a no-no job to an uncut member (thereby, the fault t'was with her obviously), and like the serpent in the Garden of Eden, this rumpled willy held it's own deadly secrets! The bearer of this anteater had been hiding coke in the recesses of his pucker.

Of course, the hussy got what was coming for tempting Satan and succumbing to lust, this may not have happened with a clean cut whacker!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

Mr. Lombardo, I read your messages with interest. I was just wondering if your camera was all borked up because on my screen it looks like there's a gaping hole where your chest should be. Compare with these pictures of Jesus and ask yourself which one we should try to emulate.


Which one looks like Jesus?

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Time to DIY Circumcise myself

Doctor, clearly the middle Jesus is a shining example of what all menhood ought to aspire for a bod.

You must understand too, I imbibed some regrettable substances in my youth in my Christ-deprived days that have resulted in the rakish physique I've presented to you all.