A question AND a warning!

[HTannor]

I realize I’m still new and have yet to discover all the benefits to True BelieversTM in Freehold. I’m particularly interested on finding out if there is a “Senior Center” available to our older members.

If there is such a place, I’d like to post this alert:

I, being of the male senior persuasion, have many senior friends. One of those friends visited me recently and was in a distraught state. When I asked the problem, he told me that has wife has insisted for many years that the two of them engage in lengthy prayer before having sex.

“What could possibly be wrong with asking the Lord’s blessing before intercourse?” I asked.

“I fervently believe in prayer”, he responded, “but I’ve worked very hard all my life and I arrive at home exhausted at the end of the day. I am also well into my senior years and have become somewhat forgetful as the months and years go by. Lately, I ask for my husbandly rights and my wife still insists on our prayer sessions. And those sessions keep getting longer at her insistence because she always seems to find new concerns to add in.”

“I’m still not sure what you’re driving at.” I interjected.

He responded: “Well, due to my advancing age and my occasional forgetfulness, very often I fall asleep kneeling there or, worse yet, forget why I’m praying and just get in bed and go to sleep.”

Although I couldn’t bring myself to tell him, I firmly believe he is married to a very sly woman and she deliberately does this so as to deny him his manly rewards. I am deeply concerned she may have shared this secret with her female friends.

Please spread the word to your male friends to warn them of this insidious plot.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: A question AND a warning!

I realize I’m still new and have yet to discover all the benefits to True BelieversTM in Freehold. I’m particularly interested on finding out if there is a “Senior Center” available to our older members.

If there is such a place, I’d like to post this alert:

I, being of the male senior persuasion, have many senior friends. One of those friends visited me recently and was in a distraught state. When I asked the problem, he told me that has wife has insisted for many years that the two of them engage in lengthy prayer before having sex.

“What could possibly be wrong with asking the Lord’s blessing before intercourse?” I asked.

“I fervently believe in prayer”, he responded, “but I’ve worked very hard all my life and I arrive at home exhausted at the end of the day. I am also well into my senior years and have become somewhat forgetful as the months and years go by. Lately, I ask for my husbandly rights and my wife still insists on our prayer sessions. And those sessions keep getting longer at her insistence because she always seems to find new concerns to add in.”

“I’m still not sure what you’re driving at.” I interjected.

He responded: “Well, due to my advancing age and my occasional forgetfulness, very often I fall asleep kneeling there or, worse yet, forget why I’m praying and just get in bed and go to sleep.”

Although I couldn’t bring myself to tell him, I firmly believe he is married to a very sly woman and she deliberately does this so as to deny him his manly rewards. I am deeply concerned she may have shared this secret with her female friends.

Please spread the word to your male friends to warn them of this insidious plot.

The problem seems obvious to me. This man's wife is in charge of the household in disobedience to God's mandate that the MAN be the head of the house. Prayer is a good thing but HE must be in charge of the prayer session and the contents thereof. He needs to pray to Jesus for God's forgiveness of his lack of manly leadership. She needs to be reminded of her role in the house. He should administer discipline as he sees fit. As for intercourse, he is entitled to it and should take it whenever he wants regardless of what she says or does.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[TheLordSavedMe]

Re: A question AND a warning!

I thought old people weren't even supposed to "do it". I read somewhere on here, I don't remember where, that doing it was only to make babies. So unless your old friend is still trying to make babies, he shouldn't be trying to do his wife.

Besides, old people doing that is totally gross!

[HTannor]

Re: A question AND a warning!

I thought old people weren't even supposed to "do it". I read somewhere on here, I don't remember where, that doing it was only to make babies. So unless your old friend is still trying to make babies, he shouldn't be trying to do his wife.

Besides, old people doing that is totally gross!

What are you doing in a "Men Only" section?

Now go back to those sections where women belong and discuss sewing, cooking, doing laundry and the like.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: A question AND a warning!

I thought old people weren't even supposed to "do it". I read somewhere on here, I don't remember where, that doing it was only to make babies. So unless your old friend is still trying to make babies, he shouldn't be trying to do his wife.

Besides, old people doing that is totally gross!

You omit the possibility that God may grant the miracle of a post-menstrual pregnancy! You need to worry less about other peoples marriages and more about your own salvation. I suggest you sit down and read the AJV1611 Bible. Read every word and allow Jesus to help you understand.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Johnnyboy]

Re: A question AND a warning!

I thought old people weren't even supposed to "do it". I read somewhere on here, I don't remember where, that doing it was only to make babies. So unless your old friend is still trying to make babies, he shouldn't be trying to do his wife.

Besides, old people doing that is totally gross!

Tammi,

You are entirely correct. The "s x" act should be for making little Soldiers for Jesus ONLY. However, Brother Tannor did not specify the ages of the people in question. It is entirely possible that they still be of the age to have children, and may not have been blessed with any. Surely, in order to make a definate judgement on this matter, we need more information.

[James Hutchins]

Re: A question AND a warning!

Simple solution. In the Hutchins house, we do the "Prayin' after the Layin' ". Certainly beats 'cuddling' and other wishy washy stuff.

[HTannor]

Re: A question AND a warning!

Surely, in order to make a definate judgement on this matter, we need more information.

Brother Johnnyboy: Please forgive me for failing to supply additional details as my friend was so distraught over the whole thing, he swore me to secrecy. Therefore I withheld the couple's names and ages. In my opinion they are entirely capable of grinding out a kid proceating a soldier for the Lord. But that, of course, is something I don't feel comfortable discussing with the poor man.

Simple solution. In the Hutchins house, we do the "Prayin' after the Layin' ". Certainly beats 'cuddling' and other wishy washy stuff.

Brother James: Your solution is both incredibly simple and at the same time, brilliant. I will share it with my friend.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A question AND a warning!

You omit the possibility that God may grant the miracle of a post-menstrual pregnancy! You need to worry less about other peoples marriages and more about your own salvation. I suggest you sit down and read the AJV1611 Bible. Read every word and allow Jesus to help you understand.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

Yes, for starters brush up on the story of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis and Zechariah and Elizabeth in Luke.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: A question AND a warning!

If he took a "little blue pill" before the prayer session started his little "kick stand" would keep him awake and help him from rolling over if he does fall asleep.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

[Rev. Greg]

Re: A question AND a warning!

I definately think that your friend needs to reclaim his household. If his wife has the time to devise such a terrible scheme to avoid her duties, not only is she betraying her husband and her position as a dutiful wife, but obviously she suffers from not having enough chores to keep her body and mind occupied during the day. Your friend needs your help, go to his aid. Perhaps even offer to help him beat his wife back onto the straight and narrow path.

Rev. Greg

[HTannor]

Re: A question AND a warning!

I definately think that your friend needs to reclaim his household. If his wife has the time to devise such a terrible scheme to avoid her duties, not only is she betraying her husband and her position as a dutiful wife, but obviously she suffers from not having enough chores to keep her body and mind occupied during the day. Your friend needs your help, go to his aid. Perhaps even offer to help him beat his wife back onto the straight and narrow path.

Rev. Greg

Duly noted, Good Rev. Greg.

Perhaps some day, my growing skills in properly searching the Good Book (KJV1611) will enable me to find the proper passage I seek, but at the moment I'm somewhat torn in how far I can help my friend correct this problem. I'm particularly interested in finding a passage the clearly would allow me to participate in beating another man's wife. I have no problem with beating my own wife or any female progeny, of course.

With your much more exalted position in the LBC I have little doubt you could cite the appropriate passage in the blink of an eye.

Wait! I now realize why you didn't quote the passage. It's your way of saying I need to continue my studies. Correct?

Very clever on your part. You are, indeed, a wise man.

I will repair to my study and immediately begin closer scrutiny of the Lord's words.

[total eclipse]

Re: A question AND a warning!

why not do the deed while she prays? Physical pleasure brings you closer to your gods, so I hear.

[Johnnyboy]

Re: A question AND a warning!

why not do the deed while she prays? Physical pleasure brings you closer to your gods, so I hear.

There is only ONE God, and talk like that is going to get Him mad at you. Please go to the intro forum and tell us about yourself.

Thanks

[total eclipse]

Re: A question AND a warning!

There is only ONE God, and talk like that is going to get Him mad at you. Please go to the intro forum and tell us about yourself.

Thanks

I have done introduction.


I was making the point that sexuality and religious practices are often intertwined, this in many cultures.