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  • #301
    Re: Manly Jokes

    Originally posted by Sammy The Penitent View Post
    Dear Mrs. SweatHog,

    What is it about Men Only that you don't understand? Why are you here?

    YIC
    Way to avoid her point. How do YOU justify this thread?
    A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. Proverbs 26:3

    Comment

    • #302
      Re: Manly Jokes

      Originally posted by FreeFromBrains View Post
      Way to avoid her point. How do YOU justify this thread?

      Hmmmm. I just read your Public Profile. Your quote:

      Location
      "In bed with my fag boyfriend"

      Again, I quote from the Forum Rules,

      "Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!"

      YIC
      2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

      Comment

      • #303
        Re: Manly Jokes

        Originally posted by BibleSweatHog View Post
        These joke are offensive to women. No real woman would find them funny.

        ThinksDesign
        Dear Godmocking Whore;

        Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and spreading your legs for anyone with a dollar to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.

        Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
        5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
        5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
        Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

        YIC,

        --Pastor Ezekiel


        PS. If I catch you in the MEN's ONLY section of this Godly forum again, I'll throw you into Quarantine. Think I'm kidding?
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • #304
          Re: Manly Jokes

          Where were we.....Oh yea:

          1. Why did the woman cross the road?
          Who cares? The important question is why is she not in the kitchen?

          2. Why don't women need to drive?
          Because there isn't a road between the kitchen and the bedroom.

          3. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
          Divorced.

          4. Why are women's feet so short?
          Enables them to get closer to the sink.
          2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

          Comment

          • #305
            Re: Manly Jokes

            Hello Landover Baptist Church. Here is my joke:

            Q: What is the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

            A: Everybody wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day.

            I should have told this to you yesterday.

            Thank you.

            Rusty

            P.S. I also do not want to be Irish. They are drunks.
            Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.

            Comment

            • #306
              Re: Manly Jokes

              Who would win in a fight?
              Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a dumb Negro, or a smart Negro
              The dumb Negro because the others don't exist.

              Comment

              • #307
                Re: Manly Jokes

                John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"

                That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

                He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of the Night"

                She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

                John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

                "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John," Mary said.

                The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

                She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • #308
                  Re: Manly Jokes

                  Altar Boy 1: Hi! I have to go to confession today and I'm a bit worried. You've known this priest for a long time. What will he give me for sodomy?

                  Altar Boy 2: Two chocolate bars.
                  2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                  Comment

                  • #309
                    Re: Manly Jokes

                    I will not be making any more jokes about a woman's menstrual cycle. Period.
                    2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                    Comment

                    • #310
                      Re: Manly Jokes

                      Originally posted by Sammy The Penitent View Post
                      I will not be making any more jokes about a woman's menstrual cycle. Period.
                      Nor will I about inept cunnilinguists. They don't go down well.

                      Comment

                      • #311
                        Re: Manly Jokes

                        A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

                        When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

                        After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

                        "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

                        She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

                        "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

                        The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

                        The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

                        The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

                        Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

                        "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
                        Who Will Jesus Damn?

                        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • #312
                          Re: Manly Jokes

                          My barber told me this one.

                          What are the three fastest ways of communication?

                          Telephone, television, and tell a woman.
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                          Comment

                          • #313
                            Re: Manly Jokes

                            Most sexist joker EVER gets tech nerds fired!!:
                            http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-21896442
                            "While I did make a big dongle joke about a real piece of hardware that identified as male, no sexual jokes were made about forking," he wrote.
                            "My friends and I had decided forking someone's repo is a new form of flattery (the highest form being implementation) and we were excited about one of the presenter's projects; a friend said 'I would fork that guys repo'.
                            "The sexual context was applied by Adria, and not us.
                            'Crossed the line'
                            "A SendGrid developer evangelist's responsibility is to build and strengthen our developer community across the globe," wrote SendGrid chief executive Jim Franklin in a blog post. "In light of the events over the last 48+ hours, it has become obvious that (Adria's) actions have strongly divided the same community she was supposed to unite. As a result, she can no longer be effective in her role at SendGrid.
                            Take that, you sexist, atheist nerds!
                            May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                            Comment

                            • #314
                              Re: Manly Jokes

                              Q: What happens when a joo with an erection walks into a wall?

                              A: He breaks his nose.
                              2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                              Comment

                              • #315
                                Re: Manly Jokes

                                Originally posted by Sammy The Penitent View Post
                                Q: What happens when a joo with an erection walks into a wall?

                                A: He breaks his nose.
                                That isn't funny.
                                May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                                Comment

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