ahem, is it a sin?

[eliot mayfield]

this is really embarrassing.
I went to the doctor yesterday due to a horrible pain in my back. It was like a red hot knife stabbing repeatedly into my lower back every time I moved. It still feels this way despite two injections of muscle relaxants. I have been praying and beseeching Jesus for some relief and I know I must have caused this by some errant thought.
"Jesus! Forgive me for my errant thought! I am truly sorry!"
(you can never beseech too much)
But the doctor also wrote a prescription for some pain medicine. She told me it was a dart. The czech language is strange and I thought nothing of it until I got home and saw that it was, well,

YOU WOMEN GET OUT OF HERE!!!



cough, er hmm, suppositories.

Now, that can't be safe, can it? I have not used them because to even touch myself down there has to be a sin.
But I'm in severe pain. If I swallowed one would that be like being a homer? I need your advice.

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

Surely a True Christian™ Pastor could stop by and lay on his hands to facilitate a Godly healing miracle.


Mark 16:18
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.



I suspect the pain was preemptive punishment for seeking out a sodomatious secular physician. Please keep this in mind in the future.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

I need your advice.

Medicine is for sissies. Take your pain like a real man! Don't try to avoid God's message to you.

[Paul Jeffery]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

this is really embarrassing.
I went to the doctor yesterday due to a horrible pain in my back. It was like a red hot knife stabbing repeatedly into my lower back every time I moved. It still feels this way despite two injections of muscle relaxants. I have been praying and beseeching Jesus for some relief and I know I must have caused this by some errant thought.
"Jesus! Forgive me for my errant thought! I am truly sorry!"
(you can never beseech too much)
But the doctor also wrote a prescription for some pain medicine. She told me it was a dart. The czech language is strange and I thought nothing of it until I got home and saw that it was, well,

YOU WOMEN GET OUT OF HERE!!!



cough, er hmm, suppositories.

Now, that can't be safe, can it? I have not used them because to even touch myself down there has to be a sin.
But I'm in severe pain. If I swallowed one would that be like being a homer? I need your advice.

Brother Mayfield, I'm no doctor, but I do know that those suppositories your doctor gave to you are formulated to be absorbed through the tissues with which they will be in contact, should you decide to go ahead with the sinful self-sodomization that the correct administration of the drug would require. The drug, as prescribed, will not properly absorb into your body if it is subject to stomach enzymes and digestive acids. Methinks your doctor has made an insidious, yet blatant attempt to convert you to ungodly behaviors. And with all due respect sir, why would you ever in your wildest dreams consider seeing a physician who is but a female in the first place? There seems little doubt that Doctor Dyke has designs on converting you to the deathstyle that has served her so well. She obviously has no husband (at least not in any Christian sense of the word) as she has been allowed to shamelessly pursue a level of education unbecoming a real Christian woman. You need to see a True Christian™ doctor, Brother Mayfield. He will know what is appropriate to prescribe and what is clearly unacceptable for a True Christian™ man to self-administer.

I am praying for you, Brother Mayfield.

[James Hutchins]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

A True Christian man never puts ANYTHING in back there. A suppository is the first step on the downward spiraling road to debauchery and fudge packing. It is painfully obvious this doctor is trying to convert you to be a Homer. Everyone knows, that is what Homers do, attempt to add to their ranks, using what ever method they can lay their hands on. They also use shallow logic, that opening up to your fellow man is good, that accepting penetration is a good thing. Do not fall for it.
Pain is God's way of letting you know He is with you. Let Him engulf you with his glory. As the pain builds, a point will come where you will think your will pass out. This is actually God cradling your wound and sucking the problem away.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

Thank you brothers. Our strength is in our unity. Praise good for such advice from my fellow TC (tm) men.

[ilovetehjeesus]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

You're right, it is a sin. Not that it matters of course, you can always repent later on once you've taken the drugs and are feeling fine.

Make sure to get good and deep so they dissolve faster.

[creed1918]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

I am very sorry to read of your pain but it is indeed a message from God. I trust you will heed his word. This is all too familiar for me! Last winter I was SUPPOSEDLY diagnosed with dormant TB. I did not feel any pain, but they prescribed a erm..medicine of the same type as yours. It is a sin for anything to go near...that area...I told the doctor this and he said it would be the quickest, most painless effective treatment. I literally walked out and never returned to that doctor. He obviously didn't understand one bit and he was obviously a sinful drug-loving Catholic doctor. Can't stand them!!!!!!

[Miscer]

Re: ahem, is it a sin?

Is your doctor a homosexual?, damned homosexuals trying to make everyone homosexual.