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  • eliot mayfield
    God Squad
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 9324
    #1

    It's time to get serious

    Look here, things are getting slack around here. We have to toe the line if we're going to end up in Heaven!
    I propose a week long Landover retreat for us to get back on track on God's railroad. I can host it here at the boot camp. Things are pretty cheap here and we won't be disturbed by tv or the like. One week of intense praying and some Hymn singing and getting right with Jesus.
    I will provide the refreshments and meals from the fund for the camp.
    There will be a fresh group of teenage recruits coming in November, a bunch of goth girls, and you can help me open their eyes to God and the proper way for a Christian young lady to behave.

    It's time to get tough for God!
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556
      #2
      Re: It's time to get serious

      Is there any good hunting out there in November?

      Its duck season here. I love me some duck.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • eliot mayfield
          God Squad
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 9324
          #3
          Re: It's time to get serious

          Deer, Pheasant, boar, hare.
          Matthew:
          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


          sigpic

            Comment

            • lord warrior
              Confirmed Enemy of God
              • Sep 2007
              • 406
              #4
              Re: It's time to get serious

              I would love to come. I like teaching these back-sliding teens the ways of Jesus.

                Comment

                • hellion
                  Nasty and Mean-Spirited
                  • Nov 2006
                  • 564
                  #5
                  Re: It's time to get serious

                  Oh, goody! I love a parade! When are you having it? Can I come? Can I bring a friend or six? Where is it? Is there going to be witch hunting? Is Rachel going to be there? I always wanted to shoot Rachel, I mean a witch, which Rachel is a witch and she needs to bring Zeke a sandwich which hasn't any mayonnaise because I hate mayonnaise...with a passion.....
                  "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                  Moderatio est Figmentum

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78556
                      #6
                      Re: It's time to get serious

                      Originally posted by hellion View Post
                      Oh, goody! I love a parade! When are you having it? Can I come? Can I bring a friend or six? Where is it? Is there going to be witch hunting? Is Rachel going to be there? I always wanted to shoot Rachel, I mean a witch, which Rachel is a witch and she needs to bring Zeke a sandwich which hasn't any mayonnaise because I hate mayonnaise...with a passion.....
                      If ever a female needed a good slapping, its you.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • hellion
                          Nasty and Mean-Spirited
                          • Nov 2006
                          • 564
                          #7
                          Re: It's time to get serious

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          If ever a female needed a good slapping, its you.
                          What'd I do? I just want to shoot someone! I'll bring you a sandwich if you let me come to your parade.
                          "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                          Moderatio est Figmentum

                            Comment

                            • Seeker
                              Thank you Pastor Pistle!
                              Forum Member
                              • Aug 2007
                              • 966
                              #8
                              Re: It's time to get serious

                              I'll bring beer.





                              If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

                                Comment

                                • Sister Noddy
                                  True Christian™
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Jun 2007
                                  • 1843
                                  #9
                                  Re: It's time to get serious

                                  Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

                                  If ever a female needed a good slapping, its you.
                                  I'd be more than happy to do the honors.
                                  1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                                  1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...

                                  1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                                  Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                                  Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                                    Comment

                                    • SalvationSeeker
                                      True Christian™ Theologian
                                      Forum Member
                                      • Sep 2006
                                      • 3892
                                      #10
                                      Re: It's time to get serious

                                      Speaking of being tough for Jesus..
                                      YOU WOMEN GET OUT OF HERE! MEN ONLY IN PROMISE ENFORCERS!
                                      If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
                                      A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
                                      Proverbs 9:12-13

                                        Comment

                                        • Enobarbus
                                          Professor of English Landover University
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Sep 2006
                                          • 3496
                                          #11
                                          Re: It's time to get serious

                                          Originally posted by hellion View Post
                                          Oh, goody! I love a parade! When are you having it? Can I come? Can I bring a friend or six? Where is it? Is there going to be witch hunting? Is Rachel going to be there? I always wanted to shoot Rachel, I mean a witch, which Rachel is a witch and she needs to bring Zeke a sandwich which hasn't any mayonnaise because I hate mayonnaise...with a passion.....
                                          I suggest that you re-read Brother Eliot's post. Especially the bit about toeing the line. Both you and Rachael are welcome to spend as long as you like in Brother Eliot's boot camp.
                                          Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

                                            Comment

                                            • hellion
                                              Nasty and Mean-Spirited
                                              • Nov 2006
                                              • 564
                                              #12
                                              Re: It's time to get serious

                                              Originally posted by Enobarbus View Post
                                              I suggest that you re-read Brother Eliot's post. Especially the bit about toeing the line. Both you and Rachael are welcome to spend as long as you like in Brother Eliot's boot camp.
                                              Hi, Eno!!!

                                              Oh, goody! I'm so excited! I'll pack 3.5 suitcases. What condiments are going to be on the sandwiches? Can Matty come? When/where is it? Matt's in military boot camp at the moment, so he might not make it... :'( Clown might come too, if it's okay. Can I get a soul, since us women don't have one and all?
                                              "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                                              Moderatio est Figmentum

                                                Comment

                                                • Daisy Mae Johnson
                                                  The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                                                  Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                                                  aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  • Sep 2006
                                                  • 15708
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: It's time to get serious

                                                  Originally posted by hellion View Post
                                                  Oh, goody! I love a parade! When are you having it? Can I come? Can I bring a friend or six? Where is it? Is there going to be witch hunting? Is Rachel going to be there? I always wanted to shoot Rachel, I mean a witch, which Rachel is a witch and she needs to bring Zeke a sandwich which hasn't any mayonnaise because I hate mayonnaise...with a passion.....


                                                  Listen, you hellbound scum. IF ANYBODY will be bringing MY HONEYPIE Pastor Zeke sammiches or any other food it will BE ME!
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                                                    Comment

                                                    • hellion
                                                      Nasty and Mean-Spirited
                                                      • Nov 2006
                                                      • 564
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: It's time to get serious

                                                      Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                                                      Listen, you hellbound scum. IF ANYBODY will be bringing MY HONEYPIE Pastor Zeke sammiches or any other food it will BE ME!
                                                      He told me to bring him a sandwich.
                                                      "I do not go where the path leads. I instead create my own path ... and leave a snail trail."

                                                      Moderatio est Figmentum

                                                        Comment

                                                        • eliot mayfield
                                                          God Squad
                                                          True Christian™
                                                          • Sep 2006
                                                          • 9324
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: It's time to get serious

                                                          Hellion, you need to get here ASAP!
                                                          first do a little research on Christian boot camps to see what awaits you.
                                                          Matthew:
                                                          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                                                          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                                                          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                                                          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                                                            Comment

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