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  • HTannor
    America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
    True Christian™
    • Jun 2009
    • 2612

    #1

    Anal Sex is God's Will?

    Recently I was invited to have dinner with one of my acquaintances here in the trailer court. After the main course, I was having a taste of her sweet pie when she asked me about a rather intimate subject.


    She explained that an itinerant preacher offered her a tract on this delicate matter and handed it to me.


    I read through it and found myself in a bit of a state. Rather than try to summarize it, I will just cite it here.



    Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will

    Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.

    You may be shocked at first by this idea. Isn’t anal sex (sodomy) forbidden by the Bible? Isn’t anal sex dirty? What’s the difference between having anal sex before marriage and having regular intercourse? Let’s address these issues by debunking some myths about anal sex and God's will.

    “I thought the Bible said anal sex was a sin.”
    This is a common misconception. Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.

    In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of anal sex between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how “The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,” indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive anal sex. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: “Draw me after you, let us make haste.” (Song of Solomon, 1:4)

    “Isn’t anal sex dirty?”
    The Bible says, “To the pure, all things are pure.” (Titus 1:15) The Lord created your body, and no part of it is imperfect or unclean. God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways, including standard sexual intercourse, that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with a partner.

    Although the anus is used for elimination, in reality it is not as dirty as you think, especially after a shower or bath. Elimination is also a natural process of our God-given bodies, so our conception of the anal area as dirty has more to do with our own psychological hang-ups. If the idea of direct contact with this area is still distasteful to you, the male can wear a condom as a barrier

    “If you’re going to have anal sex, why not just have regular sex?”
    This is a good question: If you’re going to have sexual contact before marriage, why not just go the whole nine yards and have regular sex? There are many good reasons for having anal sex instead. The first reason is practical: having conventional vaginal intercourse can lead to unwanted pregnancies. While it’s true that the Lord bade us to “be fruitful and multiply,” (Gen 1:22) the Bible also counsels that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecl. 3:1) Pregnancy outside of wedlock can have dire and life-altering consequences for all those involved. Having anal sex allows you to greatly reduce this risk.

    Second, for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.

    Finally, anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage. This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner. Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.


    Now you can see why I didn’t want to put any of this in my own words.


    I went back to my double-wide with weakened knees, my vision blurry. My hands are trembling even as I write this.

    Godly Brothers, how should I have responded to the merry widow who had invited me to dinner?
    The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

    "Credo elvem etiam vivere"
  • Dirk
    True Christian™
    • Apr 2010
    • 1425

    #2
    Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

    I think you should go for it brother! Anal sex is an amazing thing that God has given us! Just make sure you are enjoying yourself. You have my blessing! I will pray for you to have nice anal sex with the lady!

    Comment

    • HTannor
      America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2009
      • 2612

      #3
      Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

      Quite comforting, Brother Dirk.

      I do believe I will return for another taste of her sweet pie and..............such.

      She told me she has other tracts the preacher left her, but before we try them out I shall examine them thoroughly, I will carefully consider whether they should be presented here for our more sensitive Brothers.

      Considering the depth of her experience in..........uh, interpersonal relationships, I consider her to be quite trustworthy. And Godly, of course, as if that even needed mentioning. Would you expect anything else of me?

      She told me some of the tracts are quite shocking. As a True Christian™ I can assure you I will examine them closely for anything unsuitable for our Brothers.
      The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

      "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

      Comment

      • James Dewitt
        #63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
        • Jan 2010
        • 6267

        #4
        Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

        Boy am I glad this is in the Men only section. Fellas, I hate to tell you this but anal sex is what Homersexurals do to each other. Before you go and stick your man part in a ladies behind, think of what comes out of that behind. I am just saying that is where the poppy comes from! I think I will stick with the normal place.

        Comment

        • Benedict A. Davis
          Winning Souls in his Winnebago
          True Christian™
          • May 2010
          • 3900

          #5
          Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

          Brother HT, Did you read the fine print on the tract, are you sure that it is not some papist ploy to deflect a sin without having to share it with a perverted priest? I had heard that catholic women practice anal sex as a form of birth control?
          I think this is something that deserves deep and intense research.
          sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
          Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
          Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
          Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

          Comment

          • Capt. Aaron Portway
            One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
            Salvation from Above
            God's Favorite Pilot™
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2008
            • 6309

            #6
            Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

            That is DISGUSTING!!! Who would want to put their "thing" in someone's bottom!?! Like Brother James said, that's where used-up food comes out! Regular sex is embarrassing enough for both parties, why would you want to humiliate some poor True Christian™ woman by doing "that" to her!?!

            And pardon my for saying, but the thought of feces on my "thing" makes me want to puke! And what about the smell? I would think . . . I'm gagging as I type this . . . that the smell of poop would be overwhelming!!!
            sigpic


            Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



            God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



            Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

            Comment

            • Professor Bessemer
              Professor of Creation Science at Landover University
              Certified Ex-Gay Program Graduate
              Darwin's Worst Nightmare
              True Christian™
              • May 2009
              • 2952

              #7
              Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

              As someone who has received the erect penises of countless sodomites into his rectum, I believe I qualify as an expert on the subject. When I was a practicing fag, I actually believed I enjoyed being roughly taken from behind by some well endowed, anonymous queer. Why, before I was cured of my sodomania, I can confidently say that being anally pounded was my very favorite way to spend an evening.

              How wrong I was! In hindsight, it was not intense pleasure I was feeling as my prostate was being vigorously massaged by a stranger's erection through the walls of my colon, but intense and searing pain. My drug addled, unsaved mind could not correctly interpret the signals being sent to my twisted, heathen brain.

              Anyone who enjoys having anything enter or exit their anus is an unsaved gay pervert, even if the person abusing their backside is of the opposite sex. Anal sex is gay sex, even if it is a man debasing a woman with heterosexual lust thoughts in his perverted mind. The human digestive system is a one way system. The anus is an exit, a filthy stinky exit, fit only for the shameful excretion of godly fecal matter.
              Professor of Creation Science and Flood Geology at Landover Baptist University


              sigpic

              Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!

              Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21

              Comment

              • James Dewitt
                #63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
                • Jan 2010
                • 6267

                #8
                Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                Praise Jesus, Shout Glory to the Heavens I am not Gay! When I fist read this thread I knew any one who would do that to some one in the butt was a damn Homersexural. If this was a test I passed with a perfect score. Brother Dirk you got some explaining to do.

                Comment

                • Paul Jeffery
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Dec 2009
                  • 272

                  #9
                  Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                  Brother Tannor, if I may, I'd like to share my own experiences in this subject. In the early years of our so-called marriage, my Mary-worshiping ex-wife coerced me into participating in the above-referenced act. My reluctance was, in those youthful years, no match for her wanton insistence that I see to her needs of the moment. I can honestly say that after only a few dozen such episodes I was convinced that such activity, while seemingly pleasurable, left me with a sense of overwhelming guilt over the pain I caused her, pain she insisted she needed. I was also consumed with the knowledge that God was watching our every move and was not pleased. The supposed Biblical support for the act seems thin, at best. But take heart, my brother. In the interest of promoting good and continued prostrate health we are obligated to ensure that the temples that are our bodies are never at risk of developing the problems that can arise from disuse. There is ample and much clearer support in the Bible for intimacy through oral ministrations!

                  In Christian discussions concerning oral intimacies, the Song of Solomon is most frequently cited as an example of scriptural allusion to the act:
                  Song of Solomon 2:3 (King James Version)


                  3As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

                  And while the previous passage refers to the properly supplicant female favoring her man, the following may be read as a metaphor for a man returning the "favor":
                  Song of Solomon 4:16 (King James Version)


                  16Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.

                  And again, the Song of Solomon urges lovers to eat and drink freely of one another’s bodies:
                  Song of Solomon 5

                  1I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.

                  It is critical, however, that the properly supplicant woman be made aware of the risk of committing a grave sin as explained in the story of Onan, that throughout the course of the aforementioned ministrations she assumes complete responsibility for ensuring that such a lapse does not occur lest she create an affront to the Lord. Great care must be exercised during this spiritual and life-giving process. The "living water" will nourish her spirit and will promote good prostrate health that is so vital to men approaching their senior years.
                  sigpicMIKE HUCKABEE/RAND PAUL - 2012 (or sooner if possible)

                  Comment

                  • Cranky Old Man
                    Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                    You kids get off his lawn!
                     
                    • Jan 2010
                    • 22380

                    #10
                    Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                    I don't entirely get it. We should only have sex to make babies for Jesus. Is it possible to make babies with this "anal sex" thing? Did anyone ever test this?
                    5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                    To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                    James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                    Comment

                    • Benedict A. Davis
                      Winning Souls in his Winnebago
                      True Christian™
                      • May 2010
                      • 3900

                      #11
                      Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                      Originally posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
                      I don't entirely get it. We should only have sex to make babies for Jesus. Is it possible to make babies with this "anal sex" thing? Did anyone ever test this?
                      Isn't that the way the mooselims think moehamhead will return to the earth? I remember hearing that it says so in that koran book.
                      sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
                      Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
                      Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
                      Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

                      Comment

                      • Jimmy C Lombardo
                        Forum Member
                        Forum Member
                        • Mar 2009
                        • 218

                        #12
                        Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                        Last time my woman and I tried anal, she gave birth to a litter of dead niglets. Were never doing that again.

                        Comment

                        • Cranky Old Man
                          Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                          You kids get off his lawn!
                           
                          • Jan 2010
                          • 22380

                          #13
                          Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                          Originally posted by Jimmy C Lombardo View Post
                          Last time my woman and I tried anal, she gave birth to a litter of dead niglets. Were never doing that again.
                          I never realize anal sex resulted in getting black children. I am glad I never tried it!
                          5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                          To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                          James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                          Comment

                          • HTannor
                            America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
                            True Christian™
                            • Jun 2009
                            • 2612

                            #14
                            Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                            Well, Brothers, this has been a most enlightening discussion.

                            I especially value the thoughts of the ex-queers among us. There is nothing that can replace real world experience.

                            Perhaps the most shocking revelation was finding that disgusting business about dropping a litter of dead niglets following anal sex. I suspect there was quite a mess to clean up and I sincerely hope your Sealy Posturepedic shows no lasting effects.

                            Oh, and Brother Aim, yes, I examined the tract quite closely and there was no evidence of any papist involvement in its production. My lady friend said she gave the preacher a good tongue lashing but he refused to clearly state what denomination he represented.


                            I shall gather my thoughts and then procede to the ladies trailer where I will deliver these truths to her straight up and hard after another taste of her pie.
                            The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

                            "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

                            Comment

                            • Dirk
                              True Christian™
                              • Apr 2010
                              • 1425

                              #15
                              Re: Anal Sex is God's Will?

                              Brother Tannor, don't let the other TC's tell you otherwise. It is a way that God wants us to do too. If you don't it's your choice but God has given you that choice. You only need to explain your acts to God, not the other TC's. Remember: You need to be in charge.
                              It would be wrong if you used an attribute and put it in your butt.

                              Comment

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