Homo Cure

[Micah Obediah Birch]

There is a very simple cure for homos. It is 99% effective. It is called the Alabama Homo Cure. You get a small glass bottle and insert a cherry bomb with a long fuse. You then grease up the bottle with Vaseline and insert it into your rectum. Make sure no one is standing behind you. Also make sure no gerbils are in your rectum at this time, because it is a sin to kill one of God's little creatures. Then light the fuse, bend over and prepare to kiss your homo problem goodbye. In some cases a second treatment is necessary to solve the oral sex problem.

Jude 1:7 - Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Homo Cure

Well first off, I doubt Jesus cares much for the gerbil up your butt since he gave us dominion over all the animals Genesis 1:26. If you'd so much as glanced at the bible you would know that though. Start here and you'll get there in about 4-5 minutes. It's a lot to ask, I know, but be a good boy and you might get a lolly from the Pastor... and avoid being burnt in agony for the rest of all eternity.

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Homo Cure

OOHHH!! HAHAHA!! I get it! He's just funnin' with us, Dr. Toole. WooWee! There's not much funnier than the thought of a queer trying to blast the devil out of his rectum! Good one, Mr. Birch!

Oh, so many good jokes are based in reality. Sadly, these kinds of anitquated techniques are still practiced in Muslim synagogues and shabbat temples or whatever they call them. Years of scientific True Christian Research™ and experimentation has taught us that cramming painful items up a homo's rectum may cause a temporary straightness at best (assuming they survive). In some cases, the homo will revert back to faggotry with an even greater zest and zeal. In fact, in our youth ex-gay program, we show the boys first hand many of these older remedies to prove that they are not effective. We really pound that into them, because they need to know there's only ONE cure for gay.

The ONLY known cure for faggotry is allowing Christ Jesus to come inside them. The homo must not push Christ out so much that He cannot enter. The gaywad must submit to Jesus and lay back into His strong arms, accepting Him fully within himself or risk feeling the painful burn that accompanies sin. After Christ has entered the homo, He is patient and peaceful. In time, the queer will begin to feel Christ moving within him and inspiring him to call out to the Lord, begging for God's mercy.

The firm hand of a True Christian™ man can guide queer-boys to the straight and narrow path, and 100% of all SAVED™ boys will turn straight. The rest of them either go through the program again or they go to hell. Their choice. Either way, it's gonna be messy and painful. This is God's work! PRAISE JESUS!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Homo Cure

OOHHH!! HAHAHA!! I get it! He's just funnin' with us, Dr. Toole. WooWee! There's not much funnier than the thought of a queer trying to blast the devil out of his rectum! Good one, Mr. Birch!

...

The firm hand of a True Christian™ man can guide queer-boys to the straight and narrow path, and 100% of all SAVED™ boys will turn straight. The rest of them either go through the program again or they go to hell. Their choice. Either way, it's gonna be messy and painful. This is God's work! PRAISE JESUS!

Harry! You must call me Anthony, my dear friend.

Your grasp of the queer and his lubricious ways is second to none on this forum. This here fellow has a lot to learn. Now he's felt the smart of a True Christian rebuke - if he dares come again - show him the left hand, Harry, the left hand.

[alooneymoron]

Re: Homo Cure

Minister Harry---- You have an interesting way of describing your work with the boys.....

[Brother Edward]

Re: Homo Cure

The ONLY known cure for faggotry is allowing Christ Jesus to come inside them. The homo must not push Christ out so much that He cannot enter. The gaywad must submit to Jesus and lay back into His strong arms, accepting Him fully within himself or risk feeling the painful burn that accompanies sin. After Christ has entered the homo, He is patient and peaceful. In time, the queer will begin to feel Christ moving within him and inspiring him to call out to the Lord, begging for God's mercy.

Amen! And might I add that having the elders rub anointing oil on the sick homo helps the whole healing process go much smoother

James 5:14
Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:

The healing power of Jesus Christ is truly amazing, and completely disproves the liberal atheists argument that homosexuality is a genetic condition and not a sickness. All sins including homosexuality are washed away by the blood of Christ (Ephesians 1:7) and former sinners can be reconciled through His circumcision which is made without hands, and which can cleanse the body of Fleshly sins (Colossians 2:11 In whom also ye are circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, in putting off the body of the sins of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ). God is truly amazing.