Gays Use Unicorns to Mouth-Rape Children in Bathrooms!

[Youth Minister Harry]

Gays Use Unicorns to Mouth-Rape Children in Bathrooms!

I am bound up with consternation about this, but this matter is so urgent it must come out immediately. Gays are using poop to lure kids to come on their side. Specifically, they are using the feces of Biblical unicorns to lure kids away from God and right into Satan's hot, gay flame.

I know this is hard to swallow, so let me come clean with this and get it all out. This commercial for a gay pooping device entices children to eat RAINBOW colored ice cream being defecated by God's own unicorns. As a very real and very important animal in the Bible (Numbers 23:22, Numbers 24:8, Deuteronomy 33:17, Job 39:9, Job 39:10, Psalm 22:21, Psalm 29:6, Psalm 92:10, Isaiah 34:7), it is horrifying that gays would squat so low as to defile such a majestic creature with their agenda.

Get your children out of the room and definitely do NOT let them see the final surprise scene of this perverted indoctrination. This video is PROOF that the gay agenda has your children squarely in its peep sights!

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Gays Use Unicorns to Mouth-Rape Children in Bathrooms!

... gays would squat so low as to defile such a majestic creature with their agenda.

Get your children out of the room and definitely do NOT let them see the final surprise scene of this perverted indoctrination. This video is PROOF that the gay agenda has your children squarely in its peep sights!

Brother Harry,

Your concern about America's youth does not cease to amaze me. Your selfless manner with these innocent boys must be the fact that allows you to concentrate on the good in everyone. In fact, this very case is even sadder and much more repulsive than you imagined. In addition to persecuting the unicorn, this homerpestilence is also implying that Jesus would be one of them. Let us examine this image:



Jesus was intimately connected to unicorns. Accusing unicorns of sodomy is the same as gossiping about Jesus and bestiality. Jesus is God and God is Trinity that is the Holy Spirit. Blasphemy is accusing God of sodomy. This is the unforgivable blasphemy. If we follow this logic to its ruthless end we see that the following pattern emerges:

James 2:10
For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

For God, all sins are equally repulsive.

Matthew 5:28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

For God, a boy who looks at these images of unicorns is an adulterer and a sodomite and someone who accuses Jesus for being a homer.

Luke 12:10
And whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but unto him that blasphemeth against the Holy Ghost it shall not be forgiven.

We can see that only a True Christian™ can look at these images safely. All others will inevitably commit the unforgivable sin with absolutely no hope for Salvation. God is merciful as He has given you this message to save the children before it is too late. As some secular horror movies prophesied, there are indeed videos that will cause you to die the second death (Revelation 20:14).


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Back against wall]

Re: Gays Use Unicorns to Mouth-Rape Children in Bathrooms!

God sincerely hates Unicorns (and midgets)

[Herman Periwinkle]

Re: Gays Use Unicorns to Mouth-Rape Children in Bathrooms!

God sincerely hates Unicorns (and midgets)

I suppose that makes sense, otherwise He would make more of both for us to have dominion over.

[Back against wall]

Re: Gays Use Unicorns to Mouth-Rape Children in Bathrooms!

I suppose that makes sense, otherwise He would make more of both for us to have dominion over.

There are apparently more Midgets than Unicorns, possibly because they are harder to see.

[Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation]

Re: Gays Use Unicorns to Mouth-Rape Children in Bathrooms!

Brother Harry,

Your concern about America's youth does not cease to amaze me. Your selfless manner with these innocent boys must be the fact that allows you to concentrate on the good in everyone.

I must second this sentiment. I'm new here and I'm just learning what ministries everyone's involved in, but you have unique opportunity to touch children with the love of Jesus, Minister Harry.

By time they get to me, it's too late. (You will remember I'm an undertaker, that's my "tentmaking" job.) They have lost their chance to repent. Their fate is sealed.

Many liberal Christians speak of the age of understanding, but I can't find any mention of the age of understanding in my Bible. Children must repent just like everyone else. Going by Matthew 7:13-14 I think it's safe to assume that most of the children I get have taken the wide gate to eternal destruction.

Get 'em while their young, Minister Harry. Keep fighting the good fight. If you raise kids right (straight), they won't turn gay.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

You have a chance to make a lasting impact.