[Born Again Bob]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

Is that not the topic of conversation in this thread?
I did not mean to be impolite. I am merely curious.

Dear Friend,

Does your curiosity extend beyond sagging scrotums and carpeted she-parts, and go so far that we might talk about Heaven and how to get there?

Yours in Him,
BAB

[Absurdist]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

Dear Friend,

Does your curiosity extend beyond sagging scrotums and carpeted she-parts, and go so far that we might talk about Heaven and how to get there?

Yours in Him,
BAB

Certainly we can, Bob. Indeed that was exactly what my question pertained to. Allow me to elucidate my original point. If, as Brother Porter and Mr. Hutchins believe, one cannot touch oneself intimately for any reason. How would they perform the ablutions necessary for proper health and still remain pure in the eyes of God.

I think this would be relevant to the original poster, Cody. If you cannot answer this serious question I shall wait for someone who can.

I am also interested to know if the bible has anything to say on this matter. Perhaps one of the pastors knows of a relevant passage?

Yours rationally,
An absurdist

[Cody Parsons]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

Dont u have a shower Absurdist. Just let the water run over ur junk and clean it off. If ur putting your junk in really dirty places like butts then u have more of a problem than just trying to get it clean! That also explains why God likes boys to get circumsized before theyre too old to have to spend a lot of time cleaning under a foreskin.

[Temori]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

I don't have a problem touching myself while I shower. It gets all big, then it easier to clean. If I want to make it small again I just think of Jesus. Then it cleans out the inside.

[Rick 'Magma' Bocchino]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

I think it's important to note that the line between urinating and masturbation is a fine one that one can often cross without even realizing it. One second you're taking a piss, you get distracted, think about that hot Asian chick on the new Hawaii 5-O show and the next you're being arrested for public masturbation. They tried it as a Federal Offense because I did it in an FDIC-insured bank. That was a son of a bitch.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

If, as Brother Porter and Mr. Hutchins believe, one cannot touch oneself intimately for any reason. How would they perform the ablutions necessary for proper health and still remain pure in the eyes of God.

...If you cannot answer this serious question I shall wait for someone who can.

Dear Friend,

The list of things keeping you from Heaven could reach from here to the sun and back. Taking a shower is not high on the list.

Be cleansed in His blood, little lamb:


And then we can talk about bathroom routine.

Yours in Him,
BAB <----- Clean as a Whistle

[Absurdist]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

Dear Friend,

The list of things keeping you from Heaven could reach from here to the sun and back. Taking a shower is not high on the list.

Be cleansed in His blood, little lamb:

I think I know what some of the things on that list are, but I'd be interested to know what you think they are.
Can you write out a short list for me? I'm always interested in improving myself. [Extra points if you can guess reason #1]

Regards
Little Lamb <- Just had a shower.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

I think I know what some of the things on that list are, but I'd be interested to know what you think they are.
Can you write out a short list for me? I'm always interested in improving myself. [Extra points if you can guess reason #1]

Regards
Little Lamb <- Just had a shower.

Friend, it is arrogant of you to start assigning homework and examinations to our congregation. If you wish to learn, you will do it yourself and not expect others to do the work for you.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

I don't have a problem touching myself while I shower. It gets all big, then it easier to clean. If I want to make it small again I just think of Jesus. Then it cleans out the inside.

Actually, smaller objects are easier to clean than larger ones. But Jesus can cleanse anything of sin in His Righteous Blood! Hallelujia!

I never have any trouble cleaning my genitalia. I cut off circulation to my genitals using plastic bands before donning gloves and taking up tongs as well. I hardly even know my genitals are there.

[NachtGaka]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

Do you often redefine words to try and confuse people? Homosexuals choose to be attracted to the SAME s*x and DENY their natural attraction to the OPPOSITE s*x!

Don't be a hypocrite. Only the ones that choose to be attracted to the same gender choose to be that way.

[McTrumpet]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

Wow, the idoicracy that goes on in here is astounding. For one, I can't believe you people have the audacity to call yourselves Christians. I'm gay and I know that God still loves me, so the thought that you jerks think you have the authority to judge in His name is sickening. I choose to stay abstinent for my love of the lord, and yet it's still an abomination? If you people truly followed the word of the Lord then you'd realize God loves everyone just the way he made them.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

Wow, the idoicracy that goes on in here is astounding. For one, I can't believe you people have the audacity to call yourselves Christians. I'm gay and I know that God still loves me, so the thought that you jerks think you have the authority to judge in His name is sickening. I choose to stay abstinent for my love of the lord, and yet it's still an abomination? If you people truly followed the word of the Lord then you'd realize God loves everyone just the way he made them.

OK, I'm going to humor you. Why don't you post scripture (from the King James Version only, please!) that shows that God loves you even though you're a sodomite and scripture that tells us we aren't allowed to judge unrighteousness.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

[McTrumpet]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

John 3:16.
As far as I know, in any version, it says God loves THE WHOLE world, not just the heterosexuals. And besides, Jesus told us to not judge. So if you really think you have the authority to call me a sodomite, well, I suggest you rethink your faith. God is love, not some blood-thirsty jerk like you people make him out to be.

[McTrumpet]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

OK, I'm going to humor you. Why don't you post scripture (from the King James Version only, please!) that shows that God loves you even though you're a sodomite and scripture that tells us we aren't allowed to judge unrighteousness.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Oh, sorry I forgot something. Ezekiel 16:48-49
By that definition, I'm not a sodomite. I'm poor and I still try to give to my community and help others. I don't know how I'm "unsaved trash" if I've been baptized as well. I mean, for the love of God (literally), don't you realize that Jesus himself never mentioned homosexuality? And in all honesty, if it were a choice I wouldn't be gay. But it's not. So shove it.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Im afraid to touch my junk because I dont want to be gay

If you people truly followed the word of the Lord then you'd realize God loves everyone just the way he made them.

Dear Friend,

How about child molesters?

YIH,
BAB