Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

[Jedediah]

Friends,

Some of you know that I have been compiling a list of suspected homosexual children and teens in and around Freehold. I should have the list and supporting documentation finished within the next couple of weeks, ready to be posted on the church bulletin board and at various establishments around town.

I had planned to call them out one-by-one to answer for themselves in front of their peers during Youth Fellowship. They would then have the opportunity to repent in front of the entire congregation at services the following Sunday.

However, a colleague sent me the following video, which indicates that these little sodomaniacs may be willing to self-identify and repent without me having to track them down or spread the word around town.

So what do you think? I'm considering giving them the chance to self-identify and get washed in the Blood of Jesus before I go about publicly shaming them.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

Friends,

Some of you know that I have been compiling a list of suspected homosexual children and teens in and around Freehold. I should have the list and supporting documentation finished within the next couple of weeks, ready to be posted on the church bulletin board and at various establishments around town.

I had planned to call them out one-by-one to answer for themselves in front of their peers during Youth Fellowship. They would then have the opportunity to repent in front of the entire congregation at services the following Sunday.

However, a colleague sent me the following video, which indicates that these little sodomaniacs may be willing to self-identify and repent without me having to track them down or spread the word around town.

So what do you think? I'm considering giving them the chance to self-identify and get washed in the Blood of Jesus before I go about publicly shaming them.

Brother I do believe the end justifies the means and if you have to publicly announce a persons perversion to save them from a life of sodomy and an eternity of Hell then you are a great person to do this for our children. On the other hand, if we have learned anything from great Christian orators like a Jimmy Swaggart, publicly admitting your sins brings a person back to God faster than a Saturday Night tent revival.
Announce your plans, give them a week then if they remain silent it is your Christian duty to share this information with the congregation.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

They must go public either way. Either they come to the front of the congregation and pray to have their gay devils cast out willingly, or they should be outed during the sermon and on the church sign out front for a month following.

I say you save them the anxiety of having to decide for themselves, since the result will be the same regardless.

Train the little homers up to sing a hymn on stage. Tell them they are being rewarded for their good behavior as of late. Then once they are all up on stage begin rebuking them in front of the entire mega-church for their poofter pumping and their lesbian scissor holding.

Not only will this save the homers, but it will help fill the seats.

[Bob4God]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

This is why it is so important that the young people in our church trust us adults.

We want them to feel comfortable coming to us to confess their deepest, darkest secrets so that we can use that confidential information to convict them of their sins in front of the entire congregation, including their parents.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

It seems to me it would be so much in the public's interest to know who the homer kids are. We would be able to help them change.

In addition, we could make sure they receive no baby sitting jobs. The Freehold PD could follow them around to make sure they are "safe". If they never meet any other homers, eventully they will surely become sin no more.

JJH

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

This is why it is so important that the young people in our church trust us adults.

We want them to feel comfortable coming to us to confess their deepest, darkest secrets so that we can use that confidential information to convict them of their sins in front of the entire congregation, including their parents.

I'm planning on announcing the names of every secret pervert in Freehold, just as soon as Brother BJ and his boys in security get me the scoop.

[HTannor]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

I'm planning on announcing the names of every secret pervert in Freehold, just as soon as Brother BJ and his boys in security get me the scoop.

Please don't be too hasty in that approach, Pastor.

I think you should first call each of them into your office for one of your well known counseling sessions. Give them a chance to demonstrate proper piety. Keeping them on their knees for a good long session will give you the opportunity to judge just how far they will go to receive your blessing.

[Zaiger]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

They should be given a chance to publicly disclose exactly how disgusting they are and apologize in front of everyone at church. If they choose not to they will be outed, I think it is fair.
This is best for them too, best they get this out of the way because when they are older they will have to register as sex offenders anyways.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

For the love of Jesus, I out every kid I suspect of being a Homer. The longer they think they are one, the harder it is later when they try to snap out of it and get with the program. Strike while the iron is hot, before they smear the AIDs all over their rectums. So every strapping young lad I meet and suspect is a Homer, I probe.

The wayI see it, normal kids do not look like Homers, plain and simple.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

Too bad that preacher's tatoos will surely get him sent to hell if he doesn't remove them. I also saw a boy in the back wearing an earring.

Also, what is with all these women preaching up on the stage? A couple of them were wearing pants. That girl in the pink shirt even had her hair cut like a dyke.

A lot of those boys had long hair too.

They talked a good game, but it's clear they aren't living it.

[Deaner]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

Friends,

Some of you know that I have been compiling a list of suspected homosexual children and teens in and around Freehold. I should have the list and supporting documentation finished within the next couple of weeks, ready to be posted on the church bulletin board and at various establishments around town.

I had planned to call them out one-by-one to answer for themselves in front of their peers during Youth Fellowship. They would then have the opportunity to repent in front of the entire congregation at services the following Sunday.

That completely blew my mind Brother Jedediah. Another good trick to use, if you don't have the video equipment available, is to put a baseball mitt and a pink dress in front of the suspected homer and see which one he goes for. If he goes for the pink dress give him the baseball mitt and hit him with a baseball bat until the demons fly out his ass. This works almost everytime. If it doesn't; bring him over to Uncle Deaner's house and we'll see how he likes six feet of dirt on his body.

[Talitha]

Re: Outing Queer Kids in Our Community

There are no queers in Freehold.

Not any more.