Praise HIS Name

[CleanForChrist]

I'm MalleusMaleficarum, named after God's tool for cleansing His world of witches. In my ignorance I have joined this forum without realizing there was another servant of God here named Witches Hammer, a translation of my name. I hope this will not be a problem. Walk with God, Brother Hammer!

My favourite Bible verse is Exodus 22:18. God has created these green pastures for us lambs, yet here roam wolves that prey on our children and shit blasphemy where we eat and tread. My Lord JESUS on the Cross has forgiven these Liberals, Sodomites, Muslims, Atheists, Furries, and even the Jews -- but still they refuse to submit to the Lord. Their souls scream from the absence of God. They may try to escape their pain with drugs, numb their mind with Television, or fill the voids inside them with one another's semen; but they do not see that it is Lord JESUS alone who can satisfy that hole in their hearts. The unbeliever Witch that strays them from the right path must be put down, either with the Word, or with the sword.

I am a Waste Collection Specialist in Canada. One day as I was making my rounds in a recently built subdivision, I discovered a Bible laying among discarded newspapers, opened charity letters for the Homosexual agenda, and still-leaking milk cartons. Yet in spite of the filth this Bible found itself in, it remained remarkably clean. Against my then-nature of a scum-sucking Agnostic, I was compelled to read the Word. When next I looked up, I saw shoots of flowers growing from the ground, birds singing, the Sun shining cloudlessly at me. My doubts were gone as were the clouds. DO NOT ALL THINGS SING PRAISE TO MY SAVIOUR JESUS?!

I was baptized the next day at my First Church of Christ, Scientist. It is a loving and nurturing community, but I realize now that I need a brighter light in my life to guide me to the Kingdom of Heaven. Thus I found myself at the virtual doorstep of the Landover Baptist Church, in whose congregants' eyes the fire of the Word burns the brightest of all I've seen.

I humbly submit myself for examination by this pious clergy to deem me a worthy member of this community. I have no fears, as my Lord JESUS has seen my repentance, accepted me into His fold, and forgiven even the worst of my sins.

May we all follow our Saviour JESUS to the greener pastures of tomorrow.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Praise HIS Name

Welcome aboard friend! I'd like to know if there is a normal, non-gangbanger name you go by, because I feel a little uncomfortable using "latino" lingo.

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Praise HIS Name

Well, Mr. Maleficarum,

Your manners and composure seem quite impressive. Of course, Brother Hammer wil probably discuss the identity issue with you personally.

Praise, indeed! The power of Jesus still lingers here even with all the attacks upon Him by demonic entities. It would certainly be useful to have more soldiers to fight the fight of Christ agains the invading homer. The are on the streets, in your neighborhood, in the bars.

Acts 13:6
And when they had gone through the isle unto Paphos, they found a certain sorcerer, a false prophet, a Jew, whose name was Barjesus:

Of course, in addition to the glorious fight of spreading the Gospel, we must also do the mundane and tiresome but equally important fights at home. How do you cope with them, that is, how is the begetting part of the War for Jesus going for you?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[CleanForChrist]

Re: Praise HIS Name

In my experience, only Feminists and Queers feel uncomfortable with calling a thing by its name.

Though at the risk of being the peacock in the midst of crows like a Homosexual Parade in God-fearing Louisiana, I will concede. Where can I modify my username?

[VictoryOS]

Re: Praise HIS Name

In my experience, only Feminists and Queers feel uncomfortable with calling a thing by its name.

Though at the risk of being the peacock in the midst of crows like a Homosexual Parade in God-fearing Louisiana, I will concede. Where can I modify my username?

Hopefully this isn't a mean-spirited underhanded slight against our dear Brother Smyth...

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Praise HIS Name

In my experience, only Feminists and Queers feel uncomfortable with calling a thing by its name.

Though at the risk of being the peacock in the midst of crows like a Homosexual Parade in God-fearing Louisiana, I will concede. Where can I modify my username?

I didn't ask you to change your username, dummy. I asked you for a non-wetback name you go by.

[CleanForChrist]

Re: Praise HIS Name

How do you cope with them, that is, how is the begetting part of the War for Jesus going for you?

I have left my dirty slut of a "girlfriend", who refused to repent for having premarital acts of union with me.

The library I volunteer at routinely finds itself short on heretical literature, such as Hairy Popper and Hung for Gays. I find myself with a hotter-burning firepit. Everyone wins.

I tried donating to the poor and the homeless. However, this effort is proving futile. They speak the Lord's name in vain, take my charity, then spend it on indulgences. They cannot be saved.

I asked you for a non-wetback name you go by.

I apologize for my misunderstanding, Mr. Smyth, and my subsequent hostile reaction. The hell-machines of the web see far and deep; I reveal my name before Lord JESUS CHRIST only. My task is simple, and it cannot be conveyed better than with my current username; the only way I could make it easier was already taken by Brother Hammer. I will answer to whatever name you choose to call me. I would be honoured to accept your forgiveness of my imprudence in the form of a non-degrading nickname.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Praise HIS Name

First Church of Christ, Scientist

Is that the church that John Travolta goes to?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Praise HIS Name

Is that the church that John Travolta goes to?

Sister Mary, yes, we have to ask this question. Another question is if this could be "Christian Science"!

God, our all-powerful, ever-present, tenderly loving Father-Mother, maintains our wholly spiritual identity and relationship with Him as forever perfect, made in His "image" and "likeness" (See Genesis 1:26).

I AM worried. In God's own American language we have gender-defined personal pronouns for the third person singular (Hebrew, the language that God used for a while has these also for the second and third persons plural but only the third person singular is relevant in this case as God knew it would be).

Genesis 1:16
And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

"He".

I hope this can be easily explained, though.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Praise HIS Name

I didn't ask you to change your username, dummy. I asked you for a non-wetback name you go by.

We can call her "Susan."

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Praise HIS Name

We can call her "Susan."

A capital idea, Sister!

[CleanForChrist]

Re: Praise HIS Name

Of course, the inaccuracies taught in my nonetheless loving but ultimately misguided church is the reason I came here: to learn. I have learned much just by reading the forums and the website, but I wish to participate in discussion as well.

Allow me to quote Mr. James Hutchins, a True Christian™:

We are the most tolerant people there are, welcoming all to our flock.

My faith is strong, but not of strong direction. I know that JESUS is my Lord and Saviour, and nothing can shake this, not even your jeering nicknames. But I will turn the other cheek and endure this baptism by fire.

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Praise HIS Name

We can call her "Susan."

We once had a neighbor named Susan. She is dead now.

I approve.

Pearl is in the background asking me if Susan is lazy, and laughing at herself. I obviously do not understand kitchen humor.

Regards, Franklin

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Praise HIS Name

I know that JESUS is my Lord and Saviour, and nothing can shake this

Does this mean you reject your satanic church and embrace Christ Jesus for Who He Really is?

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Praise HIS Name

Of course, the inaccuracies taught in my nonetheless loving but ultimately misguided church is the reason I came here: to learn. I have learned much just by reading the forums and the website, but I wish to participate in discussion as well.

Allow me to quote Mr. James Hutchins, a True Christian™:



My faith is strong, but not of strong direction. I know that JESUS is my Lord and Saviour, and nothing can shake this, not even your jeering nicknames. But I will turn the other cheek and endure this baptism by fire.

Christ will test your mettle, creature. If you can endure the refiner's fire, I'll be the first to clap you on the back with a "hail fellow well met". I won't hold my breath though.