[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Greetings!

Dear Sister Susan,

Welcome to these forums! I remember my first days...oh how we are alike! I was wondering why are you at university instead of staying home, helping your father, and finding a husband. At least it is a Christian college...

While my dear Sister Naomi has run a fantastic, godly company, remember that not all women can be like her, and you must get married and bear children like your mother, so you may be redeemed and get into Heaven. I'm sure you are familiar with 1 Timothy 2:15 and Ephesians 5:22.

I hope to meet and get to know you better soon!

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Greetings!

Hello there! My name is Susan. I am in my second year at Hillsdale Bible College in Moore, Oklahoma, where I also attend church services.

I do need to ask why you are at college. I hope it is so that a good Christian man might find you as a suitable wife. Education and careers are totally wasted on women unless they are the sort that is doomed to lifelong spinsterhood.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Greetings!

I absolutely cannot wait to have children. I have plenty of experience in childrearing due to all of the children in my life.

I am famous for making chicken and dumplings, chili, and any kind of baked goods! I especially love baking. I make apple pie, cherry pie, strawberry rhubarb pie, and lemon merangue pie. I also make wonderful cakes...

Have you considered a career? While I am sure your pies and cakes are cute and all, I know they probably aren't up to the standard that mine carry. It's lovely that you've devoted your life to our Lord, dear, and I hope you'll find much spiritual guidance here. Ours is a welcoming, friendly respite from the dangers and insensitivity you'll find on the remainder of the world wide web-nets. We serve Jesus based on His Holy Word here. Nothing else will do!

As a result, Jesus blesses us with so many gifts that He simply would not give to lesser people. Again, my dear, welcome - and if you ever want to talk about working in one of my stores where you reside, please get in touch. Men can wait, honey.

In Jesus,
NRL

[BaptistLady1]

Re: Greetings!

Your father is well armed. All the basic necessities are well covered. I prefer a revolver myself, though many of the younger generation favor those automatic pistols.

Are you near to the Comanches? They are quite dangerous. We had to smite many of them and the Yankees killed their horses, too, for that matter. The Yankees have no respect what so ever.The rest of the tribe we drove into Oklahoma. No offense intended, of course. There were no Christians present in Oklahoma in those days.

Brother Alvin, my father is indeed well armed, and I am thankful for his protection. There are meny induns around our town and as a result, there is danger around every corner. The induns along with the Godless make it a miserable place to live. However, I must stay here until I find a husband to keep me in line, as my family loyalties preside upon my personal desires.

Welcome to God's favorite forum. I like women who are seen but not heard.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

Thank you for sharing the information, Pastor Ezekiel. It is much appreciated!

Hello, Sister Susan.

My dear wife, Pearl, came into our bedroom as I was reading, mumbling in hysterics "potential new lady-friend, potential new lady-friend! Pies!!!" so I hobbled out of my twin bed to find out exactly what shenanigans were going on.

Turns out, she was (hopefully) correct to be excited; you seem like a very well-fit member to our community. Of course, these are the early stages, and there have been many new members who appear to be True Christians, but given time are exposed. Just like the prophets Matthew 7:15 speaks of.

As I get older, I am afraid this old body does not digest pies as it used to, but I am excited nonetheless. Perhaps you and Pearl can exchange pie recipes? I do love digging into one I have not tasted before.

Regards,

Franklin

Dear Brother Franklin and Sister Pearl, I would love to bake for and with you! I'm sure that Sister Pearl has much to teach.

Welcome! Why don't you head over to the Prayer Shack (with you father's permission, of course) so we can talk about pies?

Sister Esther, that sounds truly wonderful! I look forward to the discussion.

Welcome to God's favorite forum!

As you don't have a husband yet (what is wrong with you?), do you have your fathers permission to post on this forum?

Dear sir, of course I have my father's permission! He thought that you people could be a good influence on me. The reason I don't have a husband is that I used to have a bit of a rebellious streak... My father took care of that, don't you worry!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Greetings!

Welcome to God's favorite forum!

As you don't have a husband yet (what is wrong with you?), do you have your fathers permission to post on this forum?

[Esther B.]

Re: Greetings!

Welcome! Why don't you head over to the Prayer Shack (with you father's permission, of course) so we can talk about pies?

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Greetings!

Hello, Sister Susan.

My dear wife, Pearl, came into our bedroom as I was reading, mumbling in hysterics "potential new lady-friend, potential new lady-friend! Pies!!!" so I hobbled out of my twin bed to find out exactly what shenanigans were going on.

Turns out, she was (hopefully) correct to be excited; you seem like a very well-fit member to our community. Of course, these are the early stages, and there have been many new members who appear to be True Christians, but given time are exposed. Just like the prophets Matthew 7:15 speaks of.

As I get older, I am afraid this old body does not digest pies as it used to, but I am excited nonetheless. Perhaps you and Pearl can exchange pie recipes? I do love digging into one I have not tasted before.

Regards,

Franklin

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings!

Welcome to God's favorite forum. I like women who are seen but not heard.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Greetings!

My father has a 12 gauge shotgun, an AK-47, an AR-15, and a Glock 22 in his bedside table. He has a large safe full of other weaponry, but I am not allowed to see inside of it.

Your father is well armed. All the basic necessities are well covered. I prefer a revolver myself, though many of the younger generation favor those automatic pistols.

Are you near to the Comanches? They are quite dangerous. We had to smite many of them and the Yankees killed their horses, too, for that matter. The Yankees have no respect what so ever.The rest of the tribe we drove into Oklahoma. No offense intended, of course. There were no Christians present in Oklahoma in those days.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Greetings!

I found a picture that strongly suggests that yes, indeed, there is going to be pie.

I wouldn't place too much faith in that picture, Brother Elmer. For starters it show children, which we know can't be in Heaven. Secondly it shows a near naked woman - again, that would not be permitted in Heaven. Thirdly, it shows 2 nigras. Now it's possibly that some nigras may make it to Heaven, bit the picture suggests more of them than of white people, which is impossible.

Oh, and welcome to the forum, BL1

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Greetings!

I absolutely cannot wait to have children. I have plenty of experience in childrearing due to all of the children in my life.

I am famous for making chicken and dumplings, chili, and any kind of baked goods! I especially love baking. I make apple pie, cherry pie, strawberry rhubarb pie, and lemon merangue pie. I also make wonderful cakes...

I think you and I will get along just fine!

Ladies,

I must admit that I've sometimes found the feminine chatter about recipies and pies a bit redundant when compared to worship and obedience. This time I decided to approach this subject with the benefit of doubt. With the quickly approaching Rapture it is time to consider our dietary habits when in Heaven. Is there going to be pie?

I found a picture that strongly suggests that yes, indeed, there is going to be pie.





Most of the things women fuss about are tedious and tiresome. But I must admit True Christian™ ladies do serve sweet pies. And savory. Thus, welcome to the forum.

To conclude, I surmise the main filling of the Heavenly pies will be manna. Manna pie. with bdellium colors.

Numbers 11:8
And the people went about, and gathered it, and ground it in mills, or beat it in a mortar, and baked it in pans, and made cakes of it: and the taste of it was as the taste of fresh oil.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[BaptistLady1]

Re: Greetings!

Welcome then, woman. Praise God that you have found us here. Christians have become sparse in some areas, even formerly Godly Oklahoma. I know you will find it is good to have a place you can find refuge from murderous Induns and the like.


What armaments does your father bear to protect his family from the ravenous appetites of the savages in your vicinity?

My father has a 12 gauge shotgun, an AK-47, an AR-15, and a Glock 22 in his bedside table. He has a large safe full of other weaponry, but I am not allowed to see inside of it.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Greetings!

Welcome then, woman. Praise God that you have found us here. Christians have become sparse in some areas, even formerly Godly Oklahoma. I know you will find it is good to have a place you can find refuge from murderous Induns and the like.


What armaments does your father bear to protect his family from the ravenous appetites of the savages in your vicinity?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Greetings!

I think you and I will get along just fine!

[BaptistLady1]

Re: Greetings!

Hello and welcome to our forums! I'll bet you can't wait to find a good man to honor and serve and provide sweet little Soldiers of Christ to fill his quiver full! What an exciting time of your life, to anticipate motherhood is just so joyous! Tell us, what dishes are you famous for preparing? And I know the menfolk will want to know all about your pie!

I absolutely cannot wait to have children. I have plenty of experience in childrearing due to all of the children in my life.

I am famous for making chicken and dumplings, chili, and any kind of baked goods! I especially love baking. I make apple pie, cherry pie, strawberry rhubarb pie, and lemon merangue pie. I also make wonderful cakes...