I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

[Father Chukuma Jones]

My name is Father Chukuma Jones. My first name, "Father" may seem weird to you; my Mother wanted to call me "Feather", but she forgot how to write an e since she was suffering from toxic dementia... but let's start from the beginning.

My father was a priest in Kongo, Africa. He was baptizing people everyday and he wanted me to do the same one day. Unfortunately, as food was scarce he had to hunt desert toads to feed us. As it happens, these toads were toxic and we didn't know about it; my parents were slowly succumbing to the toxin's neurodegenerative effects before they died when I was 16. It was later I discovered my father had hidden condoms under his bed... That was when I learned that punishment for sinning cannot be avoided and every sinner will be struck down, either with a lightning or a slow and painful death from amphibian neurotoxins. Since I was not a sinner, the toxin had no effect on me at all.

This painful experience made me a better person. I decided my life mission is to spread the truth about condoms and save people from the deep abyss of the sin. I moved to the United States, where - to my astonishment, most stores sell condoms. I started a lot of projects with my brothers in Bible including posters warning people about condoms and amphibians, with mixed effect. I hope I will find some advices that could be useful during my anti-condom crusade.

Best Regards,
father Father Chukuma Jones

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

Interesting story. Hows about you introduce yourself now.

What kind of name is Chukama? And your father was a Catholic jig from africa? Are you still a papist, or have you accepted Christ and rejected Mary worship? How old are you? Why are you here?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

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[Father Chukuma Jones]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

What kind of name is Chukama? And your father was a Catholic jig from africa? Are you still a papist, or have you accepted Christ and rejected Mary worship? How old are you? Why are you here?

No, I am not a papist. I came here because my beliefs turn out to be exactly what Landover Baptist Church teaches. I am really ashamed of my name Pastor, since I feel my father was a sinner and gave me a tribal name. Yes, he was Catholic as well. I want to change my name in the future, but I had no time to do it yet.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

I understand that, Pastor.

father Father Chukuma Jones

[Shad and Deb Lamb]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

My name is Father Chukuma Jones. My first name, "Father" may seem weird to you; my Mother wanted to call me "Feather", but she forgot how to write an e since she was suffering from toxic dementia... but let's start from the beginning.

My father was a priest in Kongo, Africa. He was baptizing people everyday and he wanted me to do the same one day. Unfortunately, as food was scarce he had to hunt desert toads to feed us. As it happens, these toads were toxic and we didn't know about it; my parents were slowly succumbing to the toxin's neurodegenerative effects before they died when I was 16. It was later I discovered my father had hidden condoms under his bed... That was when I learned that punishment for sinning cannot be avoided and every sinner will be struck down, either with a lightning or a slow and painful death from amphibian neurotoxins. Since I was not a sinner, the toxin had no effect on me at all.

This painful experience made me a better person. I decided my life mission is to spread the truth about condoms and save people from the deep abyss of the sin. I moved to the United States, where - to my astonishment, most stores sell condoms. I started a lot of projects with my brothers in Bible including posters warning people about condoms and amphibians, with mixed effect. I hope I will find some advices that could be useful during my anti-condom crusade.

Best Regards,
father Father Chukuma Jones

Since the Bible tells us to call no man father, it is obvious your mother was infested with more than just some toxic man-made disease. She was sick with sin. I am unclear about your distaste for condoms. Indeed, my husband Shadrach and I live in the condom our unmarried daughter, Naomi, helped us purchase some time ago. While it is tight and cramped at times, it has a separate area for storage of our stuff and we really enjoy the protection it provides us from the elements.

We will, nonetheless, pray that the nigra spirits will be expelled from your soul as you strive to serve Christ in the truth of His Word.

Asking Christ's Blessings,
Deborah and Shadrach Lamb

[Father Chukuma Jones]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

Since the Bible tells us to call no man father, it is obvious your mother was infested with more than just some toxic man-made disease. She was sick with sin.

It is plausible. I think they both were, actually.

I am unclear about your distaste for condoms. Indeed, my husband Shadrach and I live in the condom our unmarried daughter, Naomi, helped us purchase some time ago. While it is tight and cramped at times, it has a separate area for storage of our stuff and we really enjoy the protection it provides us from the elements.

My parents did not use them as a hut. Ours was build from toad hides, rocks and branches. The used the condoms for sin.

We will, nonetheless, pray that the nigra spirits will be expelled from your soul as you strive to serve Christ in the truth of His Word.

Thank you. I pray for that everyday since my parents death.

Father Chukuma Jones

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

the toxin had no effect on me at all.

Forgive me if I am uncertain of this. Your disorganized and delusional thinking are typical side effects of ongoing, practiced toad licking. It is my earnest prayer that you find a psychiatrist to sedate your addled mind.

Please tell us what you think of the Bible and its wisdom, instead of going on and on about your drug habits. That is all we care about here.

[GOD=life]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

I understand that, Pastor.

I have some hope for this one, but the road may be long and prickly.

To be sure, I will include this gentleman's predicament in my TOPRAY list.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

Welcome then, Mr. Jones. I hope you find salvation. The alternative is Hell. I agree that you have a strange name. Are you a Negroe?

[James Hutchins]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

Welcome friend!. It is not often we get a spear chukka here. How accurate are you?
How long had your parents been living in the jungle? Were they shipped back from the US of A for being uppity? It is terrific your parents will no longer express unwanted babies. Jesus does work miracles!

[Father Chukuma Jones]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

I agree that you have a strange name. Are you a Negroe?

Yes, I am Mr. Alvin. That is the greatest burden I have; I hope I will be able to change the color of my skin one day.

How long had your parents been living in the jungle? Were they shipped back from the US of A for being uppity? It is terrific your parents will no longer express unwanted babies. Jesus does work miracles!

They lived in Africa their entire life. "Jones" is the surname I received from a black lady called Chlamydia Jones, who agreed to shelter me after I arrived to the United States.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

Welcome, Chucky, I must say you are very articulate and well mannered.

And such an interesting life you've led!

I don't know much about toads.

Or condoms, for that matter.

[Nobar King]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

No, I am not a papist. I came here because my beliefs turn out to be exactly what Landover Baptist Church teaches.

this is not a school. We come here to share our experiencees and praise Jesus.

Don't try to flatter me with your big words.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

Since the Bible tells us to call no man father, it is obvious your mother was infested with more than just some toxic man-made disease. She was sick with sin. I am unclear about your distaste for condoms. Indeed, my husband Shadrach and I live in the condom our unmarried daughter, Naomi, helped us purchase some time ago. While it is tight and cramped at times, it has a separate area for storage of our stuff and we really enjoy the protection it provides us from the elements.

We will, nonetheless, pray that the nigra spirits will be expelled from your soul as you strive to serve Christ in the truth of His Word.

Asking Christ's Blessings,
Deborah and Shadrach Lamb

Brother and Sister,


I think there is some confusion with the words being used here. While no one has been kind enough to point it out, I shall try. You see, you live in a condo, not a condom. One is for dwelling, the other is something you should probably speak to Shadrach about in private. But the important thing is you live in a c o n d o, sweet Sister.


Happy to make your acquaintance.


COME, Lord Jesus,
BrotherLarry

[Walter Van Slyke]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

"Jones" is the surname I received from a black lady called Chlamydia Jones, who agreed to shelter me after I arrived to the United States.

Was that her real name, or a nickname of some kind?

You might want to check yourself for disease...

[Father Chukuma Jones]

Re: I bid you hello with a hug and a holy kiss

That was her name. Why should I check myself? Her Sister, Latrina is a nurse so I think there is little risk of ebola.