X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • Evan Tomas
    Unsaved trash, Drunk Mick
    • Jun 2015
    • 23
    #1

    Greetings

    Hello everyone. My name is Osiris. I was raised by Christians, but I was in different to Christianity and religion in general back then. I had a difficult childhood and teenage years, so I turned to God for help. I have been slowly growing closer to him over the years, but I need guidance from other Christians, my nearest church is far away so I don't get to go there very often, so I figured I should join this forum. I am glad to be a member here.

    My favorite verse from the Bible is Revelation 21:6. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end. I shall give unto him who is athirst the fountain of the waters of life freely.
    Tags: None
    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Greetings

      I admit dear, I'm hesitant to welcome you to our Godly forums. Not only have you chose a demon to reflect your character in the form of a username, you've got some Deviant Art foolishness for a profile picture, and you claim to be an "enlightened" something or other. We know "enlightened" is code word for Buddhist, which is nothing more than a pot smoking weed-tard pretending to think deep thoughts when wondering who the first cave man was to consider boiling and eating a lobster, or who found the first Fruit Loops. But nevertheless, as a True Christian(tm), I am ready to show you an example of our fine hospitality. Tell us, what is your husband's occupation and how many children have you been blessed with to serve your community?
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Evan Tomas
          Unsaved trash, Drunk Mick
          • Jun 2015
          • 23
          #3
          Re: Greetings

          Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
          I admit dear, I'm hesitant to welcome you to our Godly forums. Not only have you chose a demon to reflect your character in the form of a username, you've got some Deviant Art foolishness for a profile picture, and you claim to be an "enlightened" something or other. We know "enlightened" is code word for Buddhist, which is nothing more than a pot smoking weed-tard pretending to think deep thoughts when wondering who the first cave man was to consider boiling and eating a lobster, or who found the first Fruit Loops. But nevertheless, as a True Christian™, I am ready to show you an example of our fine hospitality. Tell us, what is your husband's occupation and how many children have you been blessed with to serve your community?
          I'm a man I'm afraid I'm single. But hopefully I'll find the perfect one.
          I do seek to better myself.

            Comment

            • Mary Etheldreda
              Gushing for Jesus
               
              • Sep 2011
              • 23775
              #4
              Re: Greetings

              Originally posted by Osiris View Post
              I'm a man
              No man would choose that profile picture, dear.

              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                Comment

                • Dr Laurence Niles
                  Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
                   
                  • Jan 2012
                  • 9063
                  #5
                  Re: Greetings

                  Originally posted by Osiris View Post
                  Hello everyone. My name is Osiris. I was raised by Christians, but I was in different to Christianity and religion in general back then. I had a difficult childhood and teenage years, so I turned to God for help. I have been slowly growing closer to him over the years, but I need guidance from other Christians, my nearest church is far away so I don't get to go there very often, so I figured I should join this forum. I am glad to be a member here.

                  My favorite verse from the Bible is Revelation 21:6. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end. I shall give unto him who is athirst the fountain of the waters of life freely.
                  Well howdy, little lady

                  It is always wonderful when a young person finds their way to Christ. Jesus often sends us down a long and winding path until one's secular defences have been stripped away and the soul is laid bare so that Jesus can come in you, thoroughly and consistently.

                  Jesus sure is a great guy (let's not forget how he went to the trouble to kill himself on the cross until He came back) to give us the way to know Him (the Bible(KJV1611)) and I hope you continue to go Jesusward more and more.

                  Being Christian is not always easy (as I keep telling my young, clean limbed, young Nephew): what was the hardest thing you did for Jesus?

                  YIC
                  1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                  Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                  Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                    Comment

                    • Dr Laurence Niles
                      Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
                       
                      • Jan 2012
                      • 9063
                      #6
                      Re: Greetings

                      My apologies, I assumed you were of the female persuasion.

                      Young man, you need to quit writing like a panty waste. Jesus does not like no sissy boys.

                      Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                      I hope you can get back on the narrow path, young man.

                      YIC
                      1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                      Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                      Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                        Comment

                        • Pastor Ezekiel
                          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                           
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 78556
                          #7
                          Re: Greetings

                          Your name is not "osiris." That is a demon's name.

                          Please start over again, miss. Give us your name, age gender and current Church. We want to hear about your walk with Jesus. What sins have you been wallowing in? How many priests have anally raped you?

                          Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

                          And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

                          I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            Previous template Next
                            Working...