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  • David King
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Aug 2015
    • 3
    #1

    I need marriage advice!

    I have been married to what I thought was a sincere Christian woman for almost 6 years. Since last month my world has crumbled around me and I don't know what to do. I had enjoyed a life most only dream about, great job, friends, and a lovely wife. The problem started when I was going through her "personal drawer" while she was out shopping. I found an opened package of extra large condoms. Now, finding condoms is not that unusual since I wear one during our monthly lovemaking. Except I ***AM SMALLER THAN AVERAGE***. Rather than to confront her with my findings, I decided to do some detective work and find out what is going on in my house while I am away.

    The following week I left work a few hours early and returned home. To my surprise there was a junky old Harley parked near the end of my driveway. I proceeded to go a bit further down the road, parked and walked back to my house. As I entered through the side door, I heard strange noises coming from the bedroom. Moaning, sighing, whimpers...... I didn't know what to think. At that point I was convince a filthy biker had broken into my house and was raping my wife. I climbed the stairs quietly, ready to confront the man who was violating my bride and take the action necessary to make him sorry he had ever come into my neighborhood. As I rounded the doorway and peered around corner, I witnessed my wife positioned on her hands and knees with the dirtiest unkept man I had ever seen ***DOING STUFF***. I was stunned, shocked, in dismay, and totally caught off guard. I stood in silence as I watched ***STUFF HAPPENING***. I felt so sorry for her, knowing the pain she must be in ***BECAUSE OF STUFF***. Frozen with feelings I had never had before, I watched his ***NAUGHTY BITS*** ***DO STUFF***, and his ***MORE NAUGHTY BITS*** destroying ***MORE NAUGHTY BITS***. Suddenly after what seemed like eternity, he ***DID MORE STUFF*** I quickly left the house knowing he would be exhausted and since the danger was over, I might as well leave without and confrontation at that time.

    I am hoping this was a one time thing, could I be wrong? Should I keep loving my once virgin bride or call her the slut she is. I need advice, please help.
    Last edited by Mary Etheldreda; 08-13-2015, 08:00 PM. Reason: Keeping it clean for Jesus :)
    Tags: None
    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: I need marriage advice!

      Well that's quite a conundrum you've got there, friend. We know Harley Davidson bikers are all queer, and so I think the only logical explanation is your "wife" is really a man. If I were you, I'd get out of there fast before you turn into a gay, too.

      I hope that helps.

      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • David King
          Unsaved trash
          Under Investigation
          • Aug 2015
          • 3
          #3
          Re: I need marriage advice!

          Thank you for the advice. I never trusted those unkept bikers who terrify my town on occasion. They are nothing but a bunch of cowards. I will be sure to keep a watchful eye on the lookout for spots of oil in my driveway from his junky unamerican fag machine should he dare to ever return. Thanks again for the advice.

            Comment

            • BrotherLarry
              Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2014
              • 2263
              #4
              Re: I need marriage advice!

              Brother David,

              The way I see it, you have been exposed to a few traumatizatingish experientials. First, you found the contraceptical devices and realized the bit was too big for the drill, if you know what I mean. Then you found a homersekshul engaging in "stuff" with your espoused. While doing so, you viewed another man's membership and that is something which is very tough to eradicalate from the mental facility of your brain.

              You are obviously with a whore, and you should write her a letter of divorcement. You need to forgive this man seventy times seven and chances are she's done this at least 490 times so whether you choose to forgive him is kind of up to you. I do recommend forgiveness - it is a soothing balm to your troubled soul. Jesus would smile upon you. Of course, if the LORD tells you to bash his head against a stone, I think that is justified - from one man to another.

              Don't spend another day in the same home with a woman who would rather have someone with a huge equipmental appendage than a Bible believing man like yourself. Go to a motel 6 or find a Christian brother with a comfortable couch and ask him if you might lie there until you've been healed and are able to find suitable housing. Know that I, for one, will be praying for you. If you would like to stay with me for a while I do have a couch and I often sleep on it. Of course I wouldn't sleep on it while you were there because that is abomination.

              COME, LORD JESUS!
              BrotherLarry
              Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
              “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

              Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
              Amen and Amen

                Comment

                • Pastor Ezekiel
                  Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 78556
                  #5
                  Re: I need marriage advice!

                  This is called the INTRODUCTION section for a reason. It's not the ASK STUPID QUESTIONS section.

                  Please tell us your name, age, gender, and home Church. What sins have you struggled with? Have you spoken with your Pastor about this?

                  If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

                  If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

                  You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

                  Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • Faith_Machine
                      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Mar 2011
                      • 10050
                      #6
                      Re: I need marriage advice!

                      Friend, you are reaping the fruits of the sin you sewed when you got in the habit of wearing a condom. Sex is for procreation, not getting your jollies!

                      God removed His hand of protection from your marriage when you defiled your marriage bed by using it as a place for sexual pleasure instead of siring offspring.

                      As for that man who was laying with your wife, I'm confused as to why you did not shoot him? You could have surely ordered your wife to tell the police he was an intruder, no?
                      WARNING:
                      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                        Comment

                        • Eucharista McBride
                          Forum Member
                          Forum Member
                          • Jun 2015
                          • 43
                          #7
                          Re: I need marriage advice!

                          Originally posted by David King View Post
                          I have been married to what I thought was a sincere Christian woman for almost 6 years. Since last month my world has crumbled around me and I don't know what to do. I had enjoyed a life most only dream about, great job, friends, and a lovely wife. The problem started when I was going through her "personal drawer" while she was out shopping. I found an opened package of extra large condoms. Now, finding condoms is not that unusual since I wear one during our monthly lovemaking. Except I ***AM SMALLER THAN AVERAGE***. Rather than to confront her with my findings, I decided to do some detective work and find out what is going on in my house while I am away.

                          The following week I left work a few hours early and returned home. To my surprise there was a junky old Harley parked near the end of my driveway. I proceeded to go a bit further down the road, parked and walked back to my house. As I entered through the side door, I heard strange noises coming from the bedroom. Moaning, sighing, whimpers...... I didn't know what to think. At that point I was convince a filthy biker had broken into my house and was raping my wife. I climbed the stairs quietly, ready to confront the man who was violating my bride and take the action necessary to make him sorry he had ever come into my neighborhood. As I rounded the doorway and peered around corner, I witnessed my wife positioned on her hands and knees with the dirtiest unkept man I had ever seen ***DOING STUFF***. I was stunned, shocked, in dismay, and totally caught off guard. I stood in silence as I watched ***STUFF HAPPENING***. I felt so sorry for her, knowing the pain she must be in ***BECAUSE OF STUFF***. Frozen with feelings I had never had before, I watched his ***NAUGHTY BITS*** ***DO STUFF***, and his ***MORE NAUGHTY BITS*** destroying ***MORE NAUGHTY BITS***. Suddenly after what seemed like eternity, he ***DID MORE STUFF*** I quickly left the house knowing he would be exhausted and since the danger was over, I might as well leave without and confrontation at that time.

                          I am hoping this was a one time thing, could I be wrong? Should I keep loving my once virgin bride or call her the slut she is. I need advice, please help.
                          Your poor wife. A Harley? Designed like a tractor, engineered like a steam train and ridden by sodomites. The least she deserves is a Ducatti.

                            Comment

                            • Alvin Moss
                              Serving Jesus
                              True Christian™
                              • Aug 2013
                              • 4468
                              #8
                              Re: I need marriage advice!

                              Originally posted by Eucharista McBride View Post
                              A Harley? ... The least she deserves is a Ducatti.

                              That sounds un-American, Eucharista. Your husband may beat you when he finds out.
                              God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

                                Comment

                                • Eucharista McBride
                                  Forum Member
                                  Forum Member
                                  • Jun 2015
                                  • 43
                                  #9
                                  Re: I need marriage advice!

                                  Originally posted by Alvin Moss View Post
                                  That sounds un-American, Eucharista. Your husband may beat you when he finds out.
                                  I have sinned in my thoughts and I deserve a beating. I saw an Aprilia Tuona V4 1100 RR this morning and I became unnaturally lustful.

                                    Comment

                                    • Regens Kuechl
                                      Unsaved trash, foreign papist
                                      • Jan 2010
                                      • 76
                                      #10
                                      Re: I need marriage advice!

                                      Dear Herr David King

                                      As a proud member of the clergy of the Roman Catholic church I see it as my Christian duty to first advise you to never again use condoms.
                                      The Holy Stool in Rome strictly forbids condoms for a very good reason:
                                      Christian Sex is for Procreation only.
                                      Ex 20:4-5 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; <--- That includes Mary

                                        Comment

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