Hello - I am a new user.

[Autistic Nebraskan]

I will introduce myself. I am a youth who, after becoming unsatisfied at my old Lutheran church filled with unsaved trash, has come to the Landover Baptist Church to correct the errors of my ways. I seek spiritual guidance and the clarity of thinking that the church elders in Freehold will hopefully provide to me.

I wish to remove every last molecule of the filthy Lutheran trash that once polluted my brain, and instead replace it with Baptist purity.

Please do not mind my avatar - I merely find the image to be cute, and the colors appeal to me. I am an artistic person who likes to draw, so since this picture is artistic and creative in nature, I naturally would like it. I am very picky in what pictures I like, and I have tried and searched to find an avatar that would better suit the Landover environment, but none of the pictures met my standards. So I just had to settle with this.

Anyways, I hope to be given a welcome in the Landover forums! Hopefully I may find my Salvation© here.

Tell me - where in Iowa is Freehold located? I live in Nebraska, a few miles away from the Iowa border, so I think I may be quite close to Freehold. I certainly hope so!

[Autistic Nebraskan]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

I just realized how much I hate this username. It really sounds just awful.

Is there a way I can change my username? That would really be nice.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Welcome, youth. We are friendly here and very welcoming to new folks who have come among us. What opened your eyes to the lies and deceit of the Lutherans? How came ye to be saved from in the midst of the false theologians? I would urge you to contact one of the pastors via private message to request a name change. They are very accommodating and godly folk.

God Bless!

[Autistic Nebraskan]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Ah, thank you, I will message a pastor or admin. Are you an admin here?

I realized that the false Lutheran theologians have been teaching heresy after I witnessed my "pastor" performing homosexual sex acts upon an unfortunate eight-year old boy. Anal sex, which is truly an abhorrence against God. I stumbled upon the LBC on a Google search and that is how I came here.

Who could I message for a name change? A name or two would be helpful.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Try Pastor Ezekiel. You might as well go right to the top.

[Autistic Nebraskan]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Where can I find the place to message Pastor Ezekiel? I can't find it on his profile.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Offer up prayers to Jesus and await Pastor Zeke while possessing your soul with patience. He will be by before long and will likely consider your request. He may even grant your plea.

Tell us of your adventures with Jesus in the meantime.

[Autistic Nebraskan]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Well, I cannot say that throughout most of my life that my adventures with Jesus were with the real Jesus. I only cast myself out of that filthy Lutheran cage back in July. In October I tried to go to a bookstore to buy a KJV1611 Bible, but I was kicked out of the store by an unsaved trash clerk after I punched a queer dressed in a women's dress in the face and told him he was going to hell.

I tried to go to another bookstore the next day and managed to buy a KJV1611, but it was stolen as I left the door by a Wiccan with a witch's hat and broom. If only I had had my godly rifle on my person at the time - I would have pumped that bastard full of lead.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Greetings friend and welcome. These are white people here and they have been very kind to me. Some have offered valuable advice which I am considering strongly. I am here in your country to learn about being a journalist. That is what a reporter on the television is called now. Are you a student? I am a student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison Wisconsin. Are you a white girl? I have many friends at the University of Wisconsin who are white girls.

Jah guide
Trevor

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

I just realized how much I hate this username. It really sounds just awful.

Is there a way I can change my username? That would really be nice.

Hello Artistic Nebraskan.

I think your name is fine I have been to Nebraska it has a lot of nice people and we need artists who can paint pictures of Our Lord Jesus Christ I like this one:



Also in Isaiah 64:8 it talks about God as a potter that is an artist who make pots look at this:

But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Why, hello there, young Art! I am positively thrilled you have stumbled into God's Favorite Forums™! Did you know that Christ Jesus on the Cross has led you here for a purpose? He certainly has. And did you know that God loves all of his Truly Saved™ Children? Yes, he does! Isn't that exciting? Yes, it is!

How old are you there, big fellow? Do you like to play ball games or are you more the wrestling type? I see you like to draw and color! How tall are you? Don't worry if you're not as big as you want to be yet. Some day soon you'll grow to be just as big as the other boys! Until then, have faith that Jesus will show you exactly how much He loves you!

PRAISE GOD!

[Autistic Nebraskan]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

I'm almost 18. Will be 18 on December 2.

And I'm 5'7". Short. I kind of like being short though.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

I'm almost 18. Will be 18 on December 2.

And I'm 5'7". Short. I kind of like being short though.

Well Praise Jesus! You're old enough to join my Nubile Young Men's Prayer Circle. We meet every Friday and look for ways of bothering the devil. Casual attire is fine.

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

I'm almost 18. Will be 18 on December 2.

And I'm 5'7". Short. I kind of like being short though.

Well, never you fret at all about being a little short, young man, because you can stand tall in other ways! Christ wants you to stand firm and proud for Him no matter how big you are (unless you're a fatty, in which case we can work that out of you)!

Well Praise Jesus! You're old enough to join my Nubile Young Men's Prayer Circle. We meet every Friday and look for ways of bothering the devil. Casual attire is fine.

What a TREAT! You've gotten a personal invitation from Pastor Zeke! Oh, I am just so thrilled for you! Has the Lord got a HUGE surprise in store for you!

PRAISE JESUS!

[Autistic Nebraskan]

Re: Hello - I am a new user.

Yes, I'm quite thrilled.

Oh, and Pastor Zeke. I still would like my username changed. Would you please change it to "Young Artist of Christ"? Obviously without the quotation marks?

I don't want to have to make a new account.