[Grandma]

Re: Greetings from Grandma!

That disease is sort of like the Aids. It is a punishment sent by God to scourge the wicked and sinful. It is not got by accident. What sinful behavior was your husband involved in?

That I am not sure. He never was very religious. He might have had a sodomized affair. I'm sure that he is resting in , damned for eternity. He was a horrible husband anyway. He didn't even beat me!

[Grandma]

Re: Greetings from Grandma!

My apologies for spamming, dears. My old age makes it hard to see the edit button.

Tell me about your cooking, Grandma!

I am not able to cook as much as I used to. So I choose quality over quantity. Lots of meat, of course! I'm not a pretentious homer man!

What is your best pie, Grandma?

I do make an excellent Witch pie. When I go on witch hunts, I take them home with me and make pie! Why don't you come by on Satan's Night? Or as the unsaved call it, Halloween.

Also, I need a proper masking so I can enter this wonderful Church! How do I receive it?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Greetings from Grandma!

Also, I need a proper masking so I can enter this wonderful Church! How do I receive it?

Hello Grandma, and welcome to God's Favorite Forum! I can sympathize with you wanting to enter the gates of our esteemed church, from which you can see Pastor Zeke in person! As you know, he's a close, personal friend of Jesus, so it's almost like seeing Jesus right there on the stage! By the way, you're not a cripple, or anything like that, are you? Just thought we should get that out of the way.

Anyway, Landover Baptist Church has been named "Most Select Church In America" by U.S. News and World Report, "Now Harder To Get Into Than Harvard." Our Holy Church is modeled after Heaven, and isn't open to the general public. However, once the Holy Ghost reveals the identity of Saved Soul worthy of joining us, an invitation is sent out and a the entire town rejoices in anticipation of the Heavenly Wedding Feast where we will each one of us become Brides to our Divine Bridegroom (no homo).

Continue glorifying the Lord Jesus Christ and sharing the Good News that He is going to send every single person on Earth who doesn't believe in Him straight to Hell. Scripture is always welcome, as it is the perfect means by which the Mind and Will of God is revealed.

[Grandma]

Re: Greetings from Grandma!

By the way, you're not a cripple, or anything like that, are you? Just thought we should get that out of the way.

No. I'm not lazy! Most folks say they're crippled so they can get food stamps!

[Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation]

Re: Greetings from Grandma!

Hello, Grandma! Welcome to the forums!

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but have you got your funeral planned? I only ask because I know what a burden it can be on the family when a loved one passes unexpectedly.

I'm opening up a funeral home in Freehold soon. If you're ever accepted into the fold, I'll send you my card. You never know, one day I might embalm your wrinkled body and sew your mouth shut so you're 8 grandkids can say their final goodbyes.

No. I'm not lazy! Most folks say they're crippled so they can get food stamps!

Well, praise Jesus! It says a lot about your character that you don't take advantage of the welfare system. A lot of people make up ailments as an excuse so they can sponge off of the government. I take it because you're old and have no husband, your nephews support you financially.

First Timothy 5:4 But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.