Greetings, brothers in Christ!

[Timothy K Jones]

My name is Tim, and I am an 18-year-old man doing God's work as a server at The Lord Jesus Christ, a blessed restaurant in Philadelphia. I attend a baptist church in the area and my favorite Bible verse is:

Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment: thou shalt not respect the person of the poor, nor honour the person of the mighty: but in righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.
- Leviticus 19:15

I am much overjoyed to have chanced upon this forum, especially after having been banned from several depraved "Christian" forums which while claiming to be Christian, worship homosexuals and transsexuals. Praise the Lord for this forum!

Yours in Christ,

Tim

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Greetings, brothers in Christ!

Welcome, Tim. We are Christian here and friendly. We are always happy to find other Christians who seek fellowship, especially those in the parts of the world that the Lord has forsaken. I too have suffered the indignity of being banned from secular websites for bringing news of Jesus. God's word is unwelcome in many areas where the unsaved congregate. Here there is no such cowardly behavior. The word of God is our meat and we shout it from the roof tops. Tell us more.

God Bless!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Greetings, brothers in Christ!

Welcome to God's favorite forum!

How many sons did you make for Jesus?

[Timothy K Jones]

Re: Greetings, brothers in Christ!

Wonderful to meet you good sirs! Indeed there is little greater blessing than to find fellowship and brotherhood in the name of the Lord.

Alas, I am ashamed that as a Christian man from a good Christian family I have still yet to find a wife with whom I could create soldiers of Christ. It frustrates me that I cannot yet do God's work because my time has sadly been wasted by treacherous Nina, my ex-girlfriend (whom I am ashamed to mention) who was allegedly "raped" at a party wherein she was dressed shamefully. I could not marry her after that. I had thought her a good Christian woman, which she had claimed to be, but surely good Christian women do not concern themselves with vile alcoholic parties in "clubs"! Nor do they dress themselves in so little clothing and tons of gaudy jewellery behind their man's back, then complain about being "raped"!

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
- Timothy 2:9

I apologize terribly for this exclamation but I believe that it is something I need to share with my single brothers in Christ, not to consider such women worthy of walking with in your Godly lives. Nina could have repented and accepted God once again, which I duly told her, but instead she screamed at me for being "insensitive" and "disgusting". It is with a heavy heart that I have to say that she cannot be saved if she remains stubborn.

Yours in Christ,

Tim

[Naomi the Butthole-Fetishist]

Re: Greetings, brothers in Christ!

So is this "Nina" girl now single? As a priest of the Church of Satan I will like to introduce her to our Satanic rituals, which may require a fair virgin of dubious faith.

Yours in Lucifer,

Naomi the Butthole-Fetishist
I am a retard
Church of Satan

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Greetings, brothers in Christ!

So is this "Nina" girl now single? As a priest of the Church of Satan I will like to introduce her to our Satanic rituals, which may require a fair virgin of dubious faith.

Yours in Lucifer,

Naomi Forest
Priest of the Third Flame
Church of Satan

You're looking for a virgin who has been raped?



All that poopy-play has made your head soft.

Yours in Christ,

Zech

[Naomi the Butthole-Fetishist]

Re: Greetings, brothers in Christ!

Dear Mr Smyth (sic),

I do apologize. As I am a pathetic nerd with a <<<removed by moderator>>> like all mom's basement dwellers, I know nothing of female virgins and their... attributes. However, I do wish to learn more, in which case, may I borrow Miss Nina and 'observe' her side-by-side with a virgin woman to <<<removed by moderator>>>?

Sinfully yours in Lucifer,

Naomi Forest
pathetic satanist wannabe

[Didymus Much]

Re: Greetings, brothers in Christ!

Dear Mr Smyth (sic)...

I think your time would be better spent reading the Bible, so you'd at least know what you're rejecting and why.


Oh, and learn what (sic) means and what it's used for, before you convince more people that you're an uninformed, intentionally ignorant idiot (unless, of course, that's your plan here, then good job!).