Charles Abbott

[Charles Abbott]

Hello, fellow men of Christ!

My name is Charles Abbott, and I am excited to be able to talk with God's soldiers here on Earth about the things that plague our Christian faith, so that I can grow in my faith in the Lord God and his Son Jesus Christ.


I have moved to Florida in the past two months, and have so far been unable to find a church that suits my beliefs in God and how to worship him. To keep up with my bible study during this change of church homes, I have been (with my family, of course) watching sermons from some churches online. I recently discovered this website, and so far it seems to align with my beliefs.


I am 27 years old, and I am married to my 22 year old wife Susanne. Her father and my father agreed to our marriage when I was 10 and she was 3, and we married the day she turned 18. So far, we have five children- a boy, 4, twin girls, 3, a boy, 2, and a baby boy, who is six months old. Susanne is expecting another child due in about four months (I don't really pay attention to those kinds of things).


My favorite Bible verse is Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord."


I was raised in the church and am proud to have been.

[Des]

Re: Charles Abbott

Hey, Abbotttttt!


Always wanted to say that. It sounds as though you have been churning out a lot of little Soldiers for Christ. Good work! I hope you find your way free of that stinking, alligator infested swamp of debauchery that is Florida soon.


YIC

[Charles Abbott]

Re: Charles Abbott

Thank you, Des, for your kind welcome!

I forgot to mention this inquiry in my previous post:
Seeing as my wife is expecting another child, and we are in a new house, how might my experienced brothers (and sisters, considering the subject matter) suggest we handle the birthing process? We are in a new house with less square footage, so we couldn't have a room just for her- instead we are sharing a room that has two separate twin beds and a curtain in the middle, that I might have privacy. This is quite the conundrum- I shouldn't be there when the child is born, after all.


Please help!


Yours in Christ,
Charles Abbott

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Charles Abbott

Welcome to our friendly forums, Mr. Abbott! I agree you shouldn't be there with your wife while Jesus brings forth another child from her womb. Mr. Etheldreda spent many days celebrating our numerous children's birth into the world at friends' homes, heartily celebrating and praising the LORD. It would have been embarrassing had he come home before I could clean the house properly, and tend to my responsibilities efficiently. A True Christian™ midwife should help your wife pray through this event sufficiently to please you with a healthy son. When all's said and done, she will help your wife find some fantastic ways to preserve her placenta for future nurishment. Do be sure to share with us what recipes she used: Collecting Recipes For Placenta: Fetal Bread Of Life!

[Charles Abbott]

Re: Charles Abbott

Mrs. Etheldreda:

Thank you for your kind welcome and wise words of advice! The Lord is surely working through you and your family!


I will be sure to let you know what recipes my wife uses.


Yours in Christ,
Charles Abbott

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Charles Abbott

This is quite the conundrum- I shouldn't be there when the child is born, after all.


Please help!


Yours in Christ,
Charles Abbott

Welcome young man and no, you should NOT be present when the offspring is ejected. I made the mistake of being in attendance when my first son was delivered to God and me, and it was not a pleasant experience. Trust me, it is not just the child that is extruded.

He was a healthy pink and blue, but every other color of the rainbow was spewed about in both liquid and semi-solid state. I asked Mrs. Porter what she was thinking in making such a spectacle of herself?

Plan on a cleaning crew, and a few gallons of methyl ethyl ketone to disinfect and make the home livable again.

In Christ Jesus

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Charles Abbott

Welcome, Mr. Charles Abbott. We are Christian here and friendly. I felt a pang of sympathy when first I heard that you had been forced to live in Florida. It was once a godly state and home to many righteous Christians. Sadly, it was discovered by the Yankees and after that, the place just went to Hell. Jews, Italians, Libertines of every stripe, Haitians, Cubans, Colombians and every northern miscreant who is looking for a place to spend the winter have flocked to Florida. It must be awful there. I can see that mathematics is not your best subject, but you probably have other skills. What is your profession? Do you plan to stay in Florida? What revolver do you favor?

This is the introduction section. We want to know all about you. Let it all out, no matter how sordid. Tell us everything.

God Bless!

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: Charles Abbott

to these friendly forums, Mr. Abbott! If i may say so, your introduction was lovely and refreshing in its thoroughness and honesty.

Praise that you have been blessed with an abundance of little Soldiers! I pray that your newest "rugrat" is likewise male.

My husband, Mr. McIrish, has five boys (and one girlchild, but she doesn't really count). I'm still not sure whether they are Soldiers of Christ or if they are Spawn of Satan, as these creatures were not conceived of natural, Godly means (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=95278).

But I digress, as we women tend to do! Please tell us more about yourself. What flavor of pie is your favorite? How often does Mrs. Abbott offer up her pie for your inspection? My husband demands pie every night after dinner and really enjoys sampling different flavors for taste, texture, moistness, and overall appearance. He's quite the "pie connoisseur"!

If Mrs. Abbott is willing to share, I am always looking for new recipes to keep Mr. McIrish satiated; that man simply can't get enough pie (or Jameson, for that matter)!

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Paddy McIrish

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Charles Abbott

Greetings Mr. Abbott. Allow me to welcome you to this site where Christians meet to discuss Jesus. This is a site for Baptists but all Christians are welcomed here by these white people. I myself am neither white nor Baptist but the Baptists have come to love me for my witty repartee and I am only rebuked every now and then. I am very surprised to find that the white people here in Babylon accept me and I have made many friends here in Wisconsin where I am attending university. I am very happy to meet you and I hope that we will be great friends.


Jah Guide
Trevor

[Charles Abbott]

Re: Charles Abbott

Thank you Mr. Moss, Mrs. McIrish, and Mr. "Rastafari" for your kind welcomes to this God-fearing congregation.

Mr. Moss, in regards to the living conditions in Florida, many of the residents are shockingly unsaved. We plan to leave this unholy state as soon as God's will presents the opportunity. I am an accountant with Achieva in the corporate managing department. I am actually decent at mathematics (regarding my profession); my slip-up earlier was when I mentioned the age at which my wife and I were betrothed- I was 10 and she was 5. I desperately need new glasses and my insurance with this new job has not yet been activated. I currently carry a Freedom Arms model 83, and have purchased a Smith and Wesson 0.38 Special snubby for my eldest son when he turns 10.


Mrs. McIrish, I feel obliged to inform you that my wife makes a delicious pecan pie, although I work so much that I rarely have time to eat any, let alone criticize it eloquently. I don't allow my wife on the internet, seeing as it would distract her from her household duties as a Christian wife and mother. Perhaps once I retire and all of the children have gone off and married I will allow her to visit this site periodically.


Mr. "Rastafari"; though your name appears to be a rare type of Italian pasta, I am friends with all those who are righteous in their words, thoughts, and actions, and those who fear the Lord God Almighty.


Again, thank you all for your warm welcomes!


Yours in Christ,
Charles Abbott

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: Charles Abbott

Mrs. McIrish, I feel obliged to inform you that my wife makes a delicious pecan pie, although I work so much that I rarely have time to eat any, let alone criticize it eloquently. I don't allow my wife on the internet, seeing as it would distract her from her household duties as a Christian wife and mother. Perhaps once I retire and all of the children have gone off and married I will allow her to visit this site periodically.

Mr. Abbott, I admire your wisdom and discretion; Mrs. Abbott is surely a lucky woman to have such a vigilant husband looking after her! Deciding whether or not women should be on the Internet is a weighty decision, not to be taken lightly. After all, our primary job is to be man's help-meet (Genesis 2:18); surely we can't do that properly if we're lazing about on the Interwebz all day!

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Charles Abbott

I like pie.

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: Charles Abbott

I like pie.

I'm fairly certain that you and your cocoa-skinned "bruthas and sistas" like fried chicken, watermelon, and free welfare checks, too.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Charles Abbott

I'm fairly certain that you and your cocoa-skinned "bruthas and sistas" like fried chicken, watermelon, and free welfare checks, too.

No you are wrong because I do not eat any kind of meat. Jah has given us the herbs of the field for our food. Watermelon is a wonderful food and it is from Africa like me. It was robbed from Africa by the white man- like me. I am not given welfare because the white people are racist and I am only allowed a small stipend of 400USD per week as a part of my scholarship. I am here in Babylon to become a political scientist and then be elected to high office. I am hoping that my stipend will be increased once President Bernie Sanders takes office as he has promised but that is for living expenses. It is not welfare.

[Charles Abbott]

Re: Charles Abbott

No you are wrong because I do not eat any kind of meat. Jah has given us the herbs of the field for our food.

Mr. "Rastafari"- God did not only give humankind the fruit of the field, but also the livestock for their food.


"Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb I have given you all things." -Genesis 9:3


Meat is a GIFT from God- to not accept it is to reject His guiding hand and His will in all things!


Are you referring to the one true God as "Jah"? Surely, if you are any kind of Christian, you would know that His name is God- not whatever Arabic-tainted name you are referring to Him by. Or perhaps this "Jah" you refer to is some pagan "god" that does not permit the acceptance of God's gifts to His true followers.


"Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." -Exodus 20:7