[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

I despair of the English education system, I really do! Anyone with the reading-age of a moderately intelligent home-schooled 5-year-old ought to be able to read and understand the Bible. Let us try again.

1. Provide yourself with a notebook and pencil (not too sharp, for safety reasons).

2. Read the Bible, KJV (1611). Read all of it. Start at the beginning and continue until you have reached the end.

3. If, in the course of your reading, you come across something that you do not understand, make a note of it. Use the notebook and pencil mentioned in (1) above. For example, if Proverbs 12:1 is unclear, then note it down.

4. Use the convenient Search function on these forums. There is a very good chance that any question you may have has already been answered.

5. If not, feel free to come back and ask us when you have finished reading.

See you in about a week!

YiC
JL-V

You are a very kind person,Joanna Lytton-Vasey (that's a lot of name!).


I've just looked at Proverbs 12 (and 13) and almost every verse is a non sequitur, as for instance your recommended example:
"Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish."


Obviously anyone who "loves" instruction "loves" knowledge! I mean that's just stating the obvious. But what's it got to do with the person who "hateth reproof" being brutish?


I mean - is this supposed to make sense?


It all looks like a stream of conscience to me - and a gibberish stream to boot.


I wonder, kind lady, if your praying for me to enjoy the wisdom of your good self so I might have a better understanding of what's in the Bible would make a difference.


You do believe in the power of prayer, don't you?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Request for Help

I despair of the English education system, I really do! Anyone with the reading-age of a moderately intelligent home-schooled 5-year-old ought to be able to read and understand the Bible. Let us try again.

1. Provide yourself with a notebook and pencil (not too sharp, for safety reasons).

2. Read the Bible, KJV (1611). Read all of it. Start at the beginning and continue until you have reached the end.

3. If, in the course of your reading, you come across something that you do not understand, make a note of it. Use the notebook and pencil mentioned in (1) above. For example, if Proverbs 12:1 is unclear, then note it down.

4. Use the convenient Search function on these forums. There is a very good chance that any question you may have has already been answered.

5. If not, feel free to come back and ask us when you have finished reading.

See you in about a week!

YiC
JL-V

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

Do you really expect the people here to walk you through every last little thing, and then constantly watch you for the rest of your life to keep you from sinning in your ignorance?

I thought that is exactly what Christians are supposed to do!
That's why I came to this very-Christian forum.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Request for Help

Look folks - I'm beginning to despair here of ever getting any useful advice as regards being saved - that is apart from reading a version of the Bible...

Because that's the only way for a man to be saved, is to know what the Bible says, and obey it 100%:

James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

Do you really expect the people here to walk you through every last little thing, and then constantly watch you for the rest of your life to keep you from sinning in your ignorance?

...full of Olde Englishe words and spelllings...

The King James 1611 is in Early Modern, not Old, English. Yuge difference.

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

Look folks - I'm beginning to despair here of ever getting any useful advice as regards being saved - that is apart from reading a version of the Bible full of Olde Englishe words and spelllings.


So - I'm thinking I should begin with some fundamentals.


For instance, in order to be saved, how should I (or should I not) conduct myself in the bedroom when alone with my wife?

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

You claim to be English, and yet you seem to be obsessed with goats. Are you sure you don't have Greek ancestry?

Pretty sure.
On a Greek holiday island I tried reading Greek but the letters are funny - did no one ever teach them the ABC?
Also, I think if I'd had any Greek blood in my veins I'd have liked moussaka and stuffed vine leaves and that awful retsina wine they serve.
Plus I don't like goats - which was why the dream of going to Hell was so very disturbing.

[Roland]

Re: Request for Help

[...]
Would it be OK if I purchased a recording of someone else reading it (not an actor - I can't stand hearing actors reading) and perhaps fell asleep after a few minutes, as I probably would do, being an old man; I mean, perhaps the Holy Words would penetrate my subconscious and I'd sort of absorb them, without knowing it?

Hello Roast,

Something similar has been tried before by a kid named Dexter with disastrous results. The poor kid couldn´t stop saying ¨omelette du fromage¨ after using this technique, even though everyone knows it is ¨omelette au fromage¨. You better stay clear from those shenanigans.

Kind regards,

Roland

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

You claim to be English, and yet you seem to be obsessed with goats. Are you sure you don't have Greek ancestry?

Frankly, if you are dreaming of Hell then you are not, and probably never have been, an atheist. Congratulations! Maybe you were some sort of Ortodox? But never mind! The next step on the long road to Eternal Salvation is easy.





YiC
JL-V

But what if I start to think - just a few chapters in and just as I did before - that the Bible is about an obnoxious and stupid God?
How can I change my mind about that?
Would it be OK if I purchased a recording of someone else reading it (not an actor - I can't stand hearing actors reading) and perhaps fell asleep after a few minutes, as I probably would do, being an old man; I mean, perhaps the Holy Words would penetrate my subconscious and I'd sort of absorb them, without knowing it?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Request for Help

... I can smell that goat even now...

You claim to be English, and yet you seem to be obsessed with goats. Are you sure you don't have Greek ancestry?

Frankly, if you are dreaming of Hell then you are not, and probably never have been, an atheist. Congratulations! Maybe you were some sort of Ortodox? But never mind! The next step on the long road to Eternal Salvation is easy.





YiC
JL-V

[Didymus Much]

Re: Request for Help

...What must I do to repent for my unworthy thoughts regarding God and how can I grow to love him?

How about reading the whole Bible? Even if you end up back in your atheist stance, you'll at least be able to discuss it from a standpoint of knowledge instead of your present ignorance.

The amount of people that say they know they disagree with the Bible but have never read it makes me .

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

You can find it here. The website even has the 1611 version should you care.

Thank you.
I think that's the one I started to read - it was certainly old,
My grandfather's, I think.
I didn't get very far - probably somewhere in Exodus - before deciding God is not only obnoxious but also stupid, and so as to save myself the trouble of reading any more I decided to become an atheist.
All was going well until I had that dream (I can smell that goat even now. It had really evil eyes and kept turning its head to stare at me, which was embarrassing).


What must I do to repent for my unworthy thoughts regarding God and how can I grow to love him?

[Roland]

Re: Request for Help

Is that the one without pictures?

You can find it here. The website even has the 1611 version should you care.

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

Have you begun reading the King James Bible?

Is that the one without pictures?

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

Welcome to God's favourite forum! You'll find this a great place to fellowship with other like minded Christians.

Tell us about the dream. What perverted acts where being done unto you in Satan's cloistered realm (I hope it was nothing rectolinear)?

YIC

Nothing was done to me, but I was expected to have carnal relations with a goat. Thankfully I awoke in time to save myself
from what seemed a most unsavoury experience.

[Roast Beef]

Re: Request for Help

I'm confused. How can you be an atheist if you acknowledge the need to be saved and the reality of Hell?

The dream was so real I began to doubt if being a devoted atheist was such a good idea; once that seed of doubt was sown, I felt I could become a fully-fledged Believer, and be saved, provided I had the right guidance.
For instance, should I become a Catholic?
Or a Unitarian?
Today I passed a stand manned by two Jehovah Witnesses and I did wonder if I should stop and ask their advice, but a voice in my head said "No!"


Was that God speaking to me, do you think?