[handmaiden]

Re: Howdy yall

Dear Mrs. Johnson,

I sincerely apologize for my misbehavior. I suppose I still have some work. . . I have sinned today with my disrespect to the lovely Handmaiden. Handmaiden I apologize for my wrongdoing. I confess my faults here as according to James 5:16. Perhaps through the strict program that Reverend Porter may put me through, I will be able to abstain from such sinful behavior again. Mayhaps it's the homersexual tendencies that caused me to be so....so disrespectful to Handmaiden.

Get right with God and you can disrespect me all you want.


Ready to Relinquishly Yours,


Handmaiden

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Howdy yall

Dear Mrs. Johnson,

Perhaps through the strict program that Reverend Porter may put me through, I will be able to abstain from such sinful behavior again. Mayhaps it's the homersexual tendencies that caused me to be so....so disrespectful to Handmaiden. Perhaps Sarah Palin's gay conversion camp was not completely helpful in my cleanse. I may have washed away most of it, but I will most certainly need to undergo Brother Porter's conversion therapy to be truly clean of such disgusting behavior.

Whenever I see a fag repenting of his despicable and deplorable old habits, it makes me want to shout, "Hooray!"



Many men have been under the care of Brother Porter. Like a blacksmith, he holds them to the fire so GOD can complete the work. You won't be the same after even one session with this mighty man of GOD. One suggestion I might offer, however, is a consultation with our pastors about exorcism. I don't mean to cause fear, but demons are tricky little things. Christ is abundantly more powerful, but it never hurts to have a complete inspection at the hands of our Godly deliverance team. There are prices to fit most anyone's budget and you'll be certified demon-free upon completion of the exorcism or you can repeat the program for an additional fee.


I am hopeful for your Salvation(R), brother, and I continue to lift you up in prayer every time your name pops up on my electronic device.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Howdy yall

Dear Brother Larry,

I am willing to pay whatever it takes to receive a Landover exorcism. Money is no issue for me. I'll have you know I have made millions by training pigs in the great sport of baseball. Did you know that pigs that exercise a lot make better tasting pork? Anywho, I am ready and trust the great exorcists of Landover as per Mark 16:16-18 - He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

[Gay wilson]

Re: Howdy yall

Hello Bubba Buck i see your a recovering homersexual.

How about we get some drinks at the local pub around your area,


So happy you found jesus in your life.


I certainly hope you can speak french as i have trouble speaking


proper American since i am originally from France.

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Howdy yall

Ray, no offense but are you perhaps lying to me? I have never heard of a European with such an American name such as "Ray Wilson". I am not accusing you of lying or anything but it raises an eyebrow. Anywho, I am afraid that I cannot be seen covorting with a foreigner out in public who is considered unsaved at the moment. I myself am trying to be saved and I feel like having drinks at the bar with you would set me back. I hope you understand my current position.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Howdy yall

Mr. Buck is doing well in my Ex-Gay program. And i would thank any naysayers to check their smart mouths.

We met last night at my cabin and had full and honest intellectual intercourse discussing his troubles.

Please give me a chance to do what I do with this man, as I have done with so many.

After a lengthy session of repentance, and confession of what might have been actual gay behavior, he went to his knees in front of me.


Matthew18:29"And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all."

Give us time.

In Him

[handmaiden]

Re: Howdy yall

I myself am trying to be saved and I feel like having drinks at the bar with you would set me back. I hope you understand my current position.

Allow me to reiterate, Mr. Buck.


There is no trying to be saved. That would suggest that your own efforts are sufficient to get you into Heaven.


To be saved you admit to being a filthy sinner and accept that God has every right to cast you into the Lake of Fire where you would suffer for all eternity. Then, you accept the fact that Jesus died so that His Perfect Blood could provide the only acceptable sacrifice to cover up your smelly sins so that God can admit you into His Perfect Presence. You then thank Jesus for His Blood sacrifice, read His Bible in its entirety and believe, follow and obey its every word.


It's quite simple, actually. Takes no effort at all. Jesus did all the work. You keep praying every day for Him to bless you and fill you with His Holy Spirit and He will do that and more.


Just replace your own efforts and judgments with the work of Jesus on the cross and the revealed wisdom of the Word of God and you will be set for eternity. It's better than winning the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes, because that would only set you up for life.


This is all you need.


Helpfully Yours,
Handmaiden

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Howdy yall

Mr. Buck is doing well in my Ex-Gay program. And i would thank any naysayers to check their smart mouths.

We met last night at my cabin and had full and honest intellectual intercourse discussing his troubles.

Please give me a chance to do what I do with this man, as I have done with so many.

After a lengthy session of repentance, and confession of what might have been actual gay behavior, he went to his knees in front of me.


Matthew18:29"And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all."

Give us time.

In Him

Brother Porter's ex-gay program is going well just as he says. After just one night I could feel the homerosexual demons fleeing my body. We still have a ways to go but I am happy that it is going well. I will keep repenting at his cabin on my knees in front of him tonight.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Howdy yall

Brother Porter's ex-gay program is going well just as he says. After just one night I could feel the homerosexual demons fleeing my body. We still have a ways to go but I am happy that it is going well. I will keep repenting at his cabin on my knees in front of him tonight.

Of course, we are thinking beyond the therapy. What is next?


The gay stuff is in the past. You mentioned a name at the end of our last session? It was something like "Help Me"? Perhaps it was "Hellen and Me"?


I am so proud of you! The gay is gone. But it needs to be kept in check. So keep me in your life to keep the gay gone?


Thanks Buddy!


In Christ Jesus

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Howdy yall

Of course, we are thinking beyond the therapy. What is next?


The gay stuff is in the past. You mentioned a name at the end of our last session? It was something like "Help Me"? Perhaps it was "Hellen and Me"?


I am so proud of you! The gay is gone. But it needs to be kept in check. So keep me in your life to keep the gay gone?


Thanks Buddy!


In Christ Jesus

Ah yes. It was "Hal and me". I will surely keep you close in my life Brother Porter. I am so grateful for you exorcising me of the gay. I will surely keep you close to my life to keep the gay gone for good as well and to keep it in check. The only one I would keep closer than you in my life, brother, is Jesus Christ himself.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Howdy yall

Wait, you're a homosexual who likes to post pictures of himself? Have you tried Instagram? What about Grindr? They might be more your speed.

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Howdy yall

Hi there faith machine. As you can clearly see, the posting of my pictures was before I went Brother Porter's gruelling anti gay program. I don't enjoy posting pictures of myself but I did find it necessary to show proof of my recovery from the disease known as homosexuality. As of yesterday I never found the need not desire to post pictures of myself anymore. I am 100 percent heterosexual now but still sleep in Brother Porter's cabin to keep the gay Demons in check. The sites you mention make me disgusted. I would NEVER go on those sites and covort with such demonically possessed subhumans.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Howdy yall

My apologies, Buck. I'm not proud of this, but I had been drinking last night, and I guess I posted before I gave any thoughtful prayer to what I was about to say.

Now then, I assume that, like most gays, you took a lot of explicit photos back in your pre-salvation days. Please forward those to me so I can get a better idea of just how much help you will be needing. I'm sure our brother Harold Porter will agree this is a necessary step in your healing.

There can be no secrets between us.

[Bubba Buck]

Re: Howdy yall

For sure Faith Machine. I am out on the pig ranch training the pigs on how to play baseball today. If you come by Brother Harold's cabin tonight and want to stay over we can go over all of the photos. All three of us.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Howdy yall

Thank you for the kind invitation, brother Buck. Pray tell, are any of your pigs greedy? I do so relish the challenge of disciplining a greedy pig!