[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I seek fellowship

That's what I thought!

Perhaps one of you could possibly talk Betty Bowers into setting up an "accident" with my husband that would let me collect on his life insurance? This would be Godly, after all; the Bible says sodomites like him should be stoned to death, right?

Hello again Sarah. I'm sorry to here about your financial situation. I am a pilot for a small commuter airline. I might be able to get you a "family bereavement" ticket, as long as you can get to a city we fly out of. Of course, that would only be after the "accidental stoning" I mentioned in an earlier post. I do not think it wise to involve Betty, she is a True Christian™ woman. Do you know any hell bound sinners (besides your sodomite husband) who could help with the "accident"? As I said before, unstable cliff faces collapse all the time. Let me know if you need anything else.

Yours in Christ,

Aaron

p.s. I'm still single

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: I seek fellowship

That's what I thought!

But I need money for tithing! Not tithing would condemn me to hell, wouldn't it?

Perhaps one of you could possibly talk Betty Bowers into setting up an "accident" with my husband that would let me collect on his life insurance? This would be Godly, after all; the Bible says sodomites like him should be stoned to death, right?

Hush with that kind of talk. How can any husband trust a woman who actively seeks "accidents"? Your limp wristed husband has gone to BASH, and so he will have his chance to redeem himself, but the last thing he needed was an accident. He needed an intentional stoning, but we are commanded by God to obey secular law.

Perhaps you could come stay with Bobby-Joe for awhile. He could always use an extra hand around the house.

[Sister Sarah]

Re: I seek fellowship

Hush with that kind of talk. How can any husband trust a woman who actively seeks "accidents"? Your limp wristed husband has gone to BASH, and so he will have his chance to redeem himself, but the last thing he needed was an accident. He needed an intentional stoning, but we are commanded by God to obey secular law.

Perhaps you could come stay with Bobby-Joe for awhile. He could always use an extra hand around the house.

Yes! That would work!

Oh, Bobby-Joe! I can cook and clean!

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: I seek fellowship

Welcome to our Godly forum Sister. Just curious what is your last name and what do you know about moose?

YIC

Oh no! What can I do! I need to be rid of these demons!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: I seek fellowship

If anyone can get rid of ass demons, it's Sister Justina!

GO Sister! Bust those ass demons from his demon infested colon!!!!

GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Sister Thumper.

Sister Sarah, as a preliminary step please take a moment to look over the following list and determine whether you and/or your gayboy husband have in your possession any of the following items:

American Indian artifacts (dreamcatchers, etc.), carvings, pictures
East Indian items
Paisley pattern on anything
Items from other countries, especially Africa, China, Japan
Statues/pictures of false gods/goddesses (Buddha, Krishna, et al.)
Frogs, owls, hearts, unicorns, angels, dolphins, rainbows, dragons, horseshoes
Dolls and stuffed animals (dolls originated in voodoo)
Items of clothing named after pagan idols or gods/goddesses (e.g., Nike is a Greek goddess)
Pictures of movie stars/other celebrities
Some items passed down from ancestors (the ancestor may have been cursed)
Shamrocks, clovers or any kind of good luck charm
Any items used in witchcraft
The Book of Mormon
The Satanic Bible
Any "Christian" bible other than the English King James Version 1611 (KJV1611)
Books on other religions
Rock and roll music, jazz music, etc.
Flamingos, sundials, books/tapes from false (i.e., non-Deliverance) religions
Ankhs, astrological symbols, peace symbols, tikis, Italian horns (cornutos)
Stars, wishbones, incense, fleurs-de-lis

Thank you for your attention to this. From your answers, I shall be able to see how best to proceed.

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: I seek fellowship

Yes! That would work!

Oh, Bobby-Joe! I can cook and clean!

No, he doesn't need a cook or maid. How good are you at soldering? Have you taken Electronics Principles? If not, I hope you have good phone edicut.

[Sister Sarah]

Re: I seek fellowship

No, he doesn't need a cook or maid. How good are you at soldering? Have you taken Electronics Principles? If not, I hope you have good phone edicut.

Why would a True Christian™ woman ever need to even know what soldering is?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I seek fellowship

Why would a True Christian™ woman ever need to even know what soldering is?

She wouldn't. But you are about as far removed from a True Christian(tm) woman as can be.

Brother Remy was trying to assist you in finding gainful employment, since your only possible value to us at the moment would be as a servant of some kind. You should be on your knees thanking him.