hi i am new

[holyphencyclidine]

Hello i am Deacon and I am new. I used to be addicted to PCP. But one day Bael talked to me. Saying in a rough voice that I was going to be his slave. It scared me. So I went and looked into the greater keys of solomon and found how to ward off the seven princes of hell. Hoping that the king of hell would stop talking to me in my dreams. He said that he would stop harassing me if I told him an incantation and let him up on earth. So I cited from the lesser keys of solomon and said the incantation after drawing the holy symbols. He appeared as a toad and gave me 3 instructions: 1. to live by my own philosophy 2. to shun the church of satan 3. to burn all hypocrites that walk this earth. I so far have not been sated and I hope he is not listening now, for I need help.

[Didymus Much]

Re: hi i am new

Comic Sans? What are you, a six-year-old advertising her koolaid stand?

As for the rest, why haven't you read the Bible yet?

[holyphencyclidine]

Re: hi i am new

have mercy son

[Didymus Much]

Re: hi i am new

have mercy...

Why should I?

Anyways, it's not me that's going to throw your stupid ass into Hell for eternity.

...son

Fuck off with that patronizing crap.

[holyphencyclidine]

Re: hi i am new

i will refer you to the 7 laws of kybalion

[Didymus Much]

Re: hi i am new

i will refer you to the 7 laws of kybalion

Look up. Look waaaay up. See the nice banner? See how it says "Landover Baptist Church"? See how it doesn't say "Landover Group of Inaccurately Recorded Mystical Historical Bullshit Fetishists"? There's a really subtle hint about what's taken seriously here in there, somewhere.










Hmmm, no, on second thought, it's not subtle.

[holyphencyclidine]

Re: hi i am new

youre hippopotamus is almost bigger than youre ego

[Didymus Much]

Re: hi i am new

youre hippopotamus is almost bigger than youre ego

Why don't you learn what those words mean (and how to spell them) before trying to use them? And some basic grammar? It may stop people from dismissing you as an idiot. For a while, at least.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: hi i am new

i will refer you to the 7 laws of kybalion

This is nice, because it means that you must be familiar with the "Principle of Cause and Effect". The things you do here on Earth with have an effect on your dwelling place in God's Eternity!

Revelation 20:15
And whosoever was not found written in the book of life [cause] was cast into the lake of fire [effect].


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Roland]

Re: hi i am new

[...]
Fuck off with that patronizing crap.

Hi Didymus,

This person doesn´t know what he/she is doing. Wikipedia calls it ¨feelings of detachment – dissociation – from the environment and self.¨ This is a person with no common sense. A fair bet would be that it´s best chances are in quarantine. Just to protect itrself from it´s own actions. There is no need to take any of it´s tantrums personal, let alone seriously.

[James Hutchins]

Re: hi i am new

Son, stop smoking the crack and let Jesus have a shot at yours. Let Him fill you with His Thick Love(c).

You mary jane needle poppers and the down fall of True Christian(tm) life. You need to snap out of it and get with the program.
While you may only of wanted a hippopotamus for Christmas, let me assure you, what you really want is to give your non-tax deductible donation to LBC. Give until you and all those around you are suffering poverty to show Jesus how much you love Him.

[refridgerator]

Re: hi i am new

This is nice, because it means that you must be familiar with the "Principle of Cause and Effect". The things you do here on Earth with have an effect on your dwelling place in God's Eternity!

Revelation 20:15
And whosoever was not found written in the book of life [cause] was cast into the lake of fire [effect].


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

I'm surprised you mention the Principle of Cause and Effect.

If everething has a cause: what is the cause of God?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: hi i am new

I'm surprised you mention the Principle of Cause and Effect.

If everething has a cause: what is the cause of God?

God is obviously His own Cause and His own Effect. While He Creates the tangible, material world, He is not bound by its restrictions nor by its logic. He also confirms this in some magnificent verses of the Bible.

Isaiah 45:7
I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

• Note: All these things. Everything. His own Cause and Effect.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

• Note: All things, i.e., everything.

I know that you were trying to make a logical trap but it is useless, as you're not fighting us but Jesus, and that is a fight you cannot win. Now you can go back to refrigerating things (a perilous invention, that is, as it was conjured by a woman).


Yours in Christ,

Elmer