[MuffinMan]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

And we have already established that, at this time, it is logistically impossible for you to attend our church, which lies in the midst of a heavily guarded gated community.

Helpful suggestions have been provided:

I have already tried following your suggestion. I have even tried searching for "KJV inspired" Baptist churches using kjvchurches.com, as well as traveling all over the state of Iowa to visit these parishes. Each time, I asked the pastor what shape the earth is and I was told that the earth is a sphere.


I have no interest in attending a church where the pastor believes that the earth is a sphere. This is blasphemy.


Romans 3:4


God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

[Basilissa]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

As far as I know, the only church in the world that does this is the one and only true Landover Baptist Church.

And we have already established that, at this time, it is logistically impossible for you to attend our church, which lies in the midst of a heavily guarded gated community.

Helpful suggestions have been provided:

Here's the solution: wander off from the city in any direction. While Iowa City does contain a little liberal bubble due to the regretful influence of the University of Iowa, let me reassure you that rural areas are filled with KJV Bible obeying, Trump voting, anti-vaccine, global warming hoax denying, Young (and flat) Earth believing, white male superiority affirming, Godly White Christians.

[MuffinMan]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

I'm getting really tired of seeing introductory posts from people who claim they are not currently attending church, because they cannot find one that is consistent with their beliefs.

If all you do is find fault with churches, and tear down their pastors, then you will never find yourself a home Church.


the truth is you are just making excuses, Because you probably enjoy sleeping late on Sunday mornings, and watching football.

I have no interest in attending a church that picks and chooses which parts of the King James Bible it wants to practice, and ignores whatever parts it does not want to practice.


I would only attend a church if it humbly accepts and practices 100% of the King James Bible without the slightest hesitation.


As far as I know, the only church in the world that does this is the one and only true Landover Baptist Church.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

I'm getting really tired of seeing introductory posts from people who claim they are not currently attending church, because they cannot find one that is consistent with their beliefs.

If all you do is find fault with churches, and tear down their pastors, then you will never find yourself a home Church.


the truth is you are just making excuses, Because you probably enjoy sleeping late on Sunday mornings, and watching football.

[Basilissa]

Re: My Introduction

You should perhaps have added a !!!!!WARNING!!!!!! Sister Bas. Not all these other threads will be solely devoted to you, MuppetMan. In fact, at this time NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM so much as even MENTIONS you.

And I guess that's why he's not going to post in any of these threads.

He does seem a bit miffed. Perhaps he has fallen butter side down.

It does look like it, doesn't it?

[James Hutchins]

Re: My Introduction

Seems to me that Muffin muffed.

He does seem a bit miffed. Perhaps he has fallen butter side down.

[MuffinMan]

Re: Do you know the MuffDiver? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

Is this you, boy?

No, that's an impostor.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Do you know the MuffDiver? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

Is this you, boy?

The Muffin Man Arrested For Disorderly Conduct

RENO, NV – Last week, police arrested the Muffin Man, 59, in a residential area of Reno, Nevada after receiving disturbing reports from neighbors. Local residents called police after the Muffin Man reportedly began violently knocking on doors asking for a ride to Drury Lane while wearing nothing but a mangled apron and a chef’s hat full of baking soda as a sock. The nursery rhyme star was taken into custody for disorderly conduct once police found him drunkenly stumbling through an elementary school playground and demanding that the slide return what was his “by right.”
The notorious pastry maker was also charged with resisting arrest after attempting to escape the police. When approached, the Muffin Man tried to run away, screaming “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” and a number of racial slurs. An officer sustained minor injuries after struggling with the suspect—who was shot with a taser three times to no avail—in the parking lot of a Carl’s Jr. Spectators were horrified to see the man whom they had once sung about fight off three police officers with a wooden spoon.
The Muffin Man has not yet been able to post bail given financial difficulties after the Food Safety and Inspection Service closed his bakery. Moreover, because he is a repeat offender of this sort of misdemeanor, he may indeed face some jail time for his latest actions.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

You should perhaps have added a !!!!!WARNING!!!!!! Sister Bas. Not all these other threads will be solely devoted to you, MuppetMan. In fact, at this time NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM so much as even MENTIONS you. But try to look on it as a lesson in life: not everyone is interested in your problems, most of which appear to be of your own making.

Good luck, dear, and remember Deuteronomy 31:6. Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

And for the love of God, stay away from Iowa City. I went there once and thought I'd stumbled into a gay pride festival in Hong Kong. You can't throw a rock without hitting an SJW college student, a tranny, a chink, a negro, or some homeless bum, and then you'd get charged with a hate crime.

[Basilissa]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

I can also assure you that I will cite the Bible often and thoughtfully when spreading Jesus' love by posting in other threads on this forum.

I understand now that God has given you rather limited intellectual abilities, so here's a hint: look right under the banner on the top of this page. There are some words there, white font on dark background - see them? Each of these words is something called a "link." It's too complicated for you to understand, but just trust me when I say to you, that when you click (or tap depending on whether you're on a computer/tablet/phone) on these words, each word will take you to a new webpage! Isn't that marvelous?

Now, please try to stay focused, and find the words "New Posts" in that line. Got it? I hope so! Now, before you click on it and lose sight of my helpful instructions, try to remember this: the webpage you will see there will show posts on the forum that you have not read yet, and which wait for your replies with the same longing desperation as I do.

No. I'm still in Iowa.

Every church I have come across here in Iowa that claims to be "Bible-obeying" either 1) Uses a Bible other than the King James Version or 2) Uses the King James Version but does not actually obey it in practice.

Here's the solution: wander off from the city in any direction. While Iowa City does contain a little liberal bubble due to the regretful influence of the University of Iowa, let me reassure you that rural areas are filled with KJV Bible obeying, Trump voting, anti-vaccine, global warming hoax denying, Young (and flat) Earth believing, white male superiority affirming, Godly White Christians.


Oh, and you can click now.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Do you know the MuffinMan? Do you know why he looks at buns so intently?

Well, I can't fault your optimism. In the meantime, though, I'd suggest you check out kjvchurches.com. Oh, and maybe get some more sleep? It's 4 o'clock in the morning in Iowa.

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

Oh my goodness, wherever are you - Pakistan?

No. I'm still in Iowa.


Every church I have come across here in Iowa that claims to be "Bible-obeying" either 1) Uses a Bible other than the King James Version or 2) Uses the King James Version but does not actually obey it in practice.


I have been reading about the Landover Baptist Church though and I honestly must say that it is the one and only church in the world, as far as I am aware, that actually obeys the King James Bible in practice.


This is why I pray that I will, in due time, be allowed to join the one true Landover Baptist Church.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My Introduction

I can assure you that there are no Bible-obeying churches in my area.

Oh my goodness, wherever are you - Pakistan?

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

My dear, your enthusiasm is fantastic, but if we admitted into our community anyone who asks... well, we wouldn't need a wall, would we?

Anyhow. Please be reassured that our Department of Faith is conducting a thorough background check, and your dossier will be reviewed in due time. I highly recommend finding a Bible-obeying church in your area, as "due time" could be a while.

In the meantime, why don't you spread Jesus' love by posting in other threads on this forum? For now you cannot create new threads outside of the Introduction Forum, but you are free to post wherever your heart desires. Please remember to cite the Bible often and thoughtfully.

I can assure you that there are no Bible-obeying churches in my area.


I can also assure you that I will cite the Bible often and thoughtfully when spreading Jesus' love by posting in other threads on this forum.