[Basilissa]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Young miss, I have been wounded many times in my practice, as I mentioned. I am whole, as I also mentioned. I would find it troubling indeed to learn that you are endowed by your clergy with as much sway as you seem to believe you have in vetting prospective male members such as mine or myself.

Two points, dear:

1) We have no clergy - we're not Catholics, you know.
2) I'm sorry if I have given the impression that I'm pulling any strings here - I was just informing you how the process works, not trying to insinuate that I play any role in it.

I cited the verse I did merely to illustrate that, as I am cognizant of the Lord's expectations, I am in full compliance with His requirements and will serve Him to enforce such regulations, should I ever be asked to do so in His name.

Whatever you mean by this (are you implying you are willing to wound other men down there?), I'll take that as an example of lawyer logic, dear.

That the vetting process of your prospective membership is currently being slowed by ministerial challenges is completely understandable and I will - when asked by the leadership of your congregation - submit whatever information is requested pertaining to all of my assets and offshore interests

Don't you worry, dear, you just sit tight and let our specialists do their work!

As to your seemingly derisive point about leaving the "sanctuary" of the introduction forum, I have done so already (apparent unbeknownst to you) and will to an even greater extent, as time permits.

I'm looking forward to it!

[C. S. Darrow, Esq.]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Why are you citing this verse? Are you saying you've been wounded, um, down there? You know that if your answer is "yes," then you just finished the DoF investigation by decorating your dossier with "DENIED" label?

Young miss, I have been wounded many times in my practice, as I mentioned. I am whole, as I also mentioned. I would find it troubling indeed to learn that you are endowed by your clergy with as much sway as you seem to believe you have in vetting prospective male members such as mine or myself. I am fully prepared to prove my wholeness, should such be required of me, but not in mixed company. Nor would it be the first time I'll have been asked to do so, if you must know. I cited the verse I did merely to illustrate that, as I am cognizant of the Lord's expectations, I am in full compliance with His requirements and will serve Him to enforce such regulations, should I ever be asked to do so in His name.

That the vetting process of your prospective membership is currently being slowed by ministerial challenges is completely understandable and I will - when asked by the leadership of your congregation - submit whatever information is requested pertaining to all of my assets and offshore interests so an appropriate level of tithing may me determined and my participation might exceed expectations in Jesus' name and to the benefit of the entire membership of Landover Baptist Church. Should the timing of my visit to Des Moines not coincide with the conclusion of the investigations to which the church is rightfully entitled, I will look forward to crossing that bridge when I may.

As to your seemingly derisive point about leaving the "sanctuary" of the introduction forum, I have done so already (apparent unbeknownst to you) and will to an even greater extent, as time permits. This God-sanctioned forum is not the only demand on my time by our Lord as defending Christians who have been persecuted is how I am fulfilling my promise to Christ Jesus while I am still residing here in Kenilworth, Illinois.


May you continue to find comfort in Jesus and He in you.

[C. S. Darrow, Esq.]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

I have found that with these white people as with all white people I have known that it is not a good idea to anger them because they will call the police.

Jah Guide!
Trevor

Mr. Rastafart, if I've unwittingly led you to believe that I would somehow be an exception to your findings about white people, I regret having done so. I assure you it was unintentional and would encourage you to view me with the same wariness and respect you rightfully afford all other people lacking your melanin level.


I would also thank you to refrain from referring to me as a "friend" as you and I have never met and never will unless you come to a much more comprehensive understanding of the 1611 King James Bible in which you clearly have little interest. The Word of God is clear about you Cushites or Ethiopians, no matter that you pretend to be blissfully unaware.


Genesis 9: 22-27; 22
22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakednesse of his father, and told his two brethren without.
23 And Shem and Iaphet tooke a garment, and layed it vpon both their shoulders, and went backward, and couered the nakednesse of their father, and their faces were backward, and they saw not their fathers nakednesse.
24 And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his yonger sonne had done vnto him.
25 And he said, Cursed bee Canaan: a seruant of seruants shall hee be vnto his brethren.
26 And hee saide, Blessed bee the LORD God of Shem, and Canaan shalbe his seruant.
27 God shall enlarge Iaphet, and he shal dwel in the tents of Shem, and Canaan shalbe his seruant.

[Basilissa]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Paragraphs, I must admit, are almost a forgotten art for me as most of my communication is dictated to one of my lovely Christian paralegals who then transpose it into a more readable format for those for whom it is intended. I will not be involving them in my ongoing communication with the blessed community at Landover as frankly it is none of their concern.

Thank you! That wasn't so difficult, was it now?

I will soon learn whether I will be relocating to your area, and if that does come to pass, my interest in Landover Baptist Church will become much more focused. I will be discussing other related matters about this with the leadership that, frankly, would be of no concern to the womenfolk.

Well, dear, our leadership is very busy Saving Souls™. However, to prove that you are, indeed, worthy of their time, why don't you venture out of the sanctuary of your introduction thread and spread your Christian love and deep knowledge of the Scriptures on the other threads?

At that time, if it is Jesus' will, I hope to introduce myself in person to as many members of Landover Baptist Church as the leadership will allow, especially Mrs. White, if she'd be receptive to meeting with me, perhaps with her great grandson in her company to ensure that my motives are pure and Godly and not aimed at his inheritance.

Hold your horses, dear - a few weeks is way too early for our Department of Faith to finish their thorough background check on your character, income tax returns, criminal past, online aliases, offshore bank accounts, and all other things we need to know about you before we let you loose meeting our church members.

God has truly blessed me by guiding me to all of you, and I will not disappoint Him. I look forward to contributing mightily to the purpose Jesus Christ has assigned to your church and to your settlement.

Well, you can start by looking at "New Posts" tab or browsing through the different fora on our website, or even clicking on the links in different members' signatures (hint: when we put a link in our signature, it usually means we find that link to be particularly awesome).

Deuteronomy 23:2 - Hee that is wounded in the stones, or hath his priuie member cut off, shall not enter into the Congregation of the Lord.

Why are you citing this verse? Are you saying you've been wounded, um, down there? You know that if your answer is "yes," then you just finished the DoF investigation by decorating your dossier with "DENIED" label?

Perhaps I'll see you in church one day soon. May the Holy Spirit be the warmth our Savior intends it be as it fills you with His love.

Perhaps, dear. God works in mysterious ways and He can do all sorts of miracles.

[C. S. Darrow, Esq.]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

I'm glad Sister Mitza has isolated this sentence - to fish it out of that wall of text was a truly Herculean feat!

Anyway. Please do not take our concerns personally. We are a small community and we keep it that way by being very selective about whom we let in. That's how we keep our youngsters and other easily impressionable individuals safe from being exposed to heretic thoughts and behaviors.

I don't know if you said anything else that could be deemed important in your wall of text, because, well, I didn't actually read it. I must admit I do wonder: do they teach paragraphs in law schools these days?...

Paragraphs, I must admit, are almost a forgotten art for me as most of my communication is dictated to one of my lovely Christian paralegals who then transpose it into a more readable format for those for whom it is intended. I will not be involving them in my ongoing communication with the blessed community at Landover as frankly it is none of their concern.

That those who watch the gates at Landover are as particular as you are about vetting prospective members - as I do fancy myself as such this point - is a significant part of what has compelled me to reach out to your sacred community. I will soon learn whether I will be relocating to your area, and if that does come to pass, my interest in Landover Baptist Church will become much more focused. I will be discussing other related matters about this with the leadership that, frankly, would be of no concern to the womenfolk.

As I mentioned previously, I am planning a visit to Des Moines in the coming weeks to flush out a demon from one of my commercial properties adjacent to Drake University. At that time, if it is Jesus' will, I hope to introduce myself in person to as many members of Landover Baptist Church as the leadership will allow, especially Mrs. White, if she'd be receptive to meeting with me, perhaps with her great grandson in her company to ensure that my motives are pure and Godly and not aimed at his inheritance.


God has truly blessed me by guiding me to all of you, and I will not disappoint Him. I look forward to contributing mightily to the purpose Jesus Christ has assigned to your church and to your settlement.


I've sustained much pain and sacrifice in my law practice defending those who have been victimized by the heathenry that surrounds us in the Chicago area. Bringing this expertise to Des Moines and within easy reach of Drake may well be what Jesus has intended for me all along, and many things happening in my life are pointing to it becoming a reality. But I am whole because of His mercy and His love and His healing power. Yes, I have been the target of many attacks, but remain able to serve Him in every way He will prescribe.

Deuteronomy 23:2 - Hee that is wounded in the stones, or hath his priuie member cut off, shall not enter into the Congregation of the Lord.


Perhaps I'll see you in church one day soon. May the Holy Spirit be the warmth our Savior intends it be as it fills you with His love.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Greetings!

My good friend Mr. Darrow, Esq. I believe that you should know that these Baptists are very interested in testing you and your faith in the Jesus who was a Black sent by Jah. I am not a Baptist because I am Rastafari but we Black men agree with the white people that the King James Version of the Bible is the only real Bible and it says there in the Book of James 1:3 that the trying of your faith worketh patience. I have found that with these white people as with all white people I have known that it is not a good idea to anger them because they will call the police.

Jah Guide!
Trevor

[Basilissa]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

I'm not sure what your concerns are about me,

I'm glad Sister Mitza has isolated this sentence - to fish it out of that wall of text was a truly Herculean feat!

Anyway. Please do not take our concerns personally. We are a small community and we keep it that way by being very selective about whom we let in. That's how we keep our youngsters and other easily impressionable individuals safe from being exposed to heretic thoughts and behaviors.

I don't know if you said anything else that could be deemed important in your wall of text, because, well, I didn't actually read it. I must admit I do wonder: do they teach paragraphs in law schools these days?...

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

I'm not sure what your concerns are about me

Oh, not about you specifically; what worried me was that "about-us/what-we-believe" thing. You have answered the points seeming to be at variance with what God reveals in The Bible.

So many congregations just make up anything and pretend that's what Jesus wants regardless of what He actually taught. Of course all sorts of people dream up all sorts of philosophical propositions. They hang them like clothes on a system of ethics they've also cooked up for themselves and they are quite free to do so. Even in the millennium before Christ there were wretches who claimed "there is no God" (it's spelled out in The Psalms) so we know it isn't a new idea. What puzzles me is why, if someone rejects God's own words and the teachings of Jesus about Himself, they would want to call themselves Christians?

I hope it's clear I'm not saying this about you.

Or to put it another way, I find the literature of communism exceptionally tedious with what I regard as some very ill-thought-out ideas. Quite apart from my fundamental disagreement with its objectives, it mistakes the model for reality to a laughable degree. Therefore I am not a communist. I don't say “Marx was an advocate of deregulated banking systems and laissez-faire economics,” because The Communist Manifesto contradicts that absolutely. It's quite short. I've read it. Not even the most ardent communist would disagree, although they'd think I was well off the rails for other reasons and deserving of re-education using electric shocks and hypnosis.

Modernist "churches" disagree with Jesus in some very fundamental ways. And just like a commie could look at me and say that I was not a communist (even though they disagreed with me on just about everything else) why can't the modernists see that they are not Christians? That's what motivated me to ask you about the mission statement. I will consider sending you a friendship request.

[C. S. Darrow, Esq.]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Thank you for posting an introduction and for including Church attendance details. I've never visited the Chicago area so had a look at the mission statement (or whatever they call it) where three paragraphs concerned me. I'll call them blue, green and turquoise for reference purposes, highlight the relevant portions and include the Scripture prompting my question.

II Peter 1:21 Prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.

God does not say “..moved by the Holy Ghost but ameliorated according to their particular time & place or adjusted to fit in with cultural norms,” indeed it's precisely those cultural norms God challenges with almost every utterance. The Ten Commandments for example were very specific to a time and place when handed down in exactly that way. The Israelites were returning to The Promised Land where revolting cultural norms prevailed. God required that His standard prevailed and that all abomination be expunged. Moses was explicit (as were all subsequent prophets) that the words being spoken were not his own words but WORDS FROM GOD HIMSELF.

Exodus 20:1-3 And God spake all these words, saying, I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

I Corinthians 7:12-13a To the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not etc.

The Bible is therefore the Word of God AND words of God. Occasionally a comment will be reported not coming from God but in such cases (an example given above) it's stated to be so. Additionally, where conversations are transcribed obviously only God's words are His own. That pretty much covers the blue paragraph.

Hebrews 12:1-2a Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.

New-age psychobabble has no place in Christianity and nowhere in The Bible do we find "journey" used in this sense. Liberal news media? Sure: everyone's "on a journey" there. Idiots who visit Afghanistan for a bit of nude sunbathing? You got it! "On a journey" but in this case their actual journey is likely to be curtailed. Abruptly. With plenty of psychobabble in interviews no doubt if they still have tongues. Christians on the other hand are running a race. The witnesses are described in the previous chapter, essentially people on a "journey" seeking Redemption through wacko doctrines or abstruse moral codes and stuff. They're not getting anywhere in babble terms and are keen to notice what happens to people not on a "journey" of "spiritual enlightenment" but trusting in Christ Jesus. Only in Him will Salvation be completed and our faith fulfilled. You will see that I have concerns about the motivation behind this statement. That's the green paragraph done.

Mark 6:12-13 And they went out, and preached that men should repent. And they cast out many devils, and anointed with oil many that were sick, and healed them.

For the turquoise paragraph I'll use an imaginary example. Do you get up in the morning thinking “Great day for arson; now where's the turpentine and gelignite………………

. . . . . . . . WHOOOOPS!

………………no, no, gotta remember ‘I have a responsibility to live out what I say I believe…in the ethics I practice and in the priorities I hold and live by’” because if you did—which would be in accord with that mission statement—something would be very wrong. I hope you can see that? In the short passage from Mark 16, those disciples were not performing such works SO THAT people would see what had happened in their lives. The works were possible BECAUSE OF what had happened in their lives. That is an example from Scripture (not something I thought up for myself) of what God means when He says looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. It does not result from any sort of "journey" and quite honestly I'd half expect to see "paradigm shift" if I kept reading.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can clarify the points concerning me.

Miss (I'm assuming) Lizalor, you make nothing but excellent points about the hastily-amended mission statement scrawled by the new liberal element that has infected the congregation with which I have been affiliated for all these years. I'm sick about it and other things, as I've attempted to make clear. If your aim is to hold my feet to the fire for (despite my intense efforts to date) not yet having been able to rein in this new liberal element at Kenilworth Union Church, I can assure you that not only will my efforts continue as I have previously described, but that if the change I and many other members seek is not realized, the congregation's numbers will shrink dramatically and the average age of its membership will be nearly halved as I and many others take our leave. How they'll keep the lights on will be of no concern to us if that happens, and we hope that is not the net result. I'm not sure what your concerns are about me, young lady, but I have no quarrel with you or any of the points you've so painstakingly made. While I have a vested interest in restoring Kenilworth Union Church to its evangelical roots, I am also cognizant of the possibility that this may no longer be the congregation for me. The building is the same and quite lovely, but something has clearly come off the rails when women (about your age, I imagine) are wearing cassocks and deign to actually lead services. I'm just waiting to hear that the next thing they'll want is to allow queers to darken our doorstep. After exhaustive research I've felt compelled to do in my own best interests, I'd love to feel I've found a congregation of like-minded people in Landover Baptist Church and have - so far - felt generally (but understandably, cautiously) welcome. Moving my practice to Des Moines, Iowa would be a simple process for me as I already own two newer office buildings immediately adjacent to that bastion of liberalism known as Drake University where my specialty is, I'm told, in high demand. This would put me in very close proximity to Landover in Freehold where I look forward to visiting soon after I serve an eviction notice in person to a tenant who I recently learned is using my property in violation of her lease agreement by - of all things - teaching yoga! That Drake hasn't already done enough to poison the minds of impressionable children apparently did nothing to dissuade her from her flagrant disregard for the terms of her contract with me. I will discuss cleansing the premises of its demons with the clergy at Landover Baptist and hope to be able to show my gratitude for such services in ways that will benefit all of the residents of Freehold, Iowa. Should it come to pass that I do depart my once-beloved Kenilworth Union Church, I've already contacted a realtor about a cute little abode on Waterbury Lane in Des Moines that I have fancied for many years. So you see, my dear girl, I am not a man who shoots from the hip. I have plans in place that I may never even need. I share your concerns and, frankly, am doubtful that an agreement will be reached with KUC. But there's no need to burden you with all of this as I'm sure there are probably still chores you must complete before your day ends. May Jesus hold you close to Him as He fills you with the Holy Spirit.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Thank you for posting an introduction and for including Church attendance details. I've never visited the Chicago area so had a look at the mission statement (or whatever they call it) where three paragraphs concerned me. I'll call them blue, green and turquoise for reference purposes, highlight the relevant portions and include the Scripture prompting my question.

The Bible is the Word of God (not words of God) written by different people influenced by their particular time, place and culture. This sacred book is a collection of diverse voices that tell of the experience of God. The Bible is a record of faith, a source of values, a witness to the person and power of Jesus Christ. It contains enduring truths that remain relevant today.
All of us are on a faith journey that continues throughout our lives. Through scripture, study, prayer and worship, our journey finds its focus in the teachings and example of Jesus. In the community of the church, we share both our understandings and our questions as we seek to grow deeper in faith.
In response to the gift of God’s loving kindness, we have a responsibility to live out what we say we believe…in our homes, in our workplaces, in how we treat others, in sharing what we have, in the ethics we practice, and in the priorities we hold and live by.

II Peter 1:21 Prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.

God does not say “..moved by the Holy Ghost but ameliorated according to their particular time & place or adjusted to fit in with cultural norms,” indeed it's precisely those cultural norms God challenges with almost every utterance. The Ten Commandments for example were very specific to a time and place when handed down in exactly that way. The Israelites were returning to The Promised Land where revolting cultural norms prevailed. God required that His standard prevailed and that all abomination be expunged. Moses was explicit (as were all subsequent prophets) that the words being spoken were not his own words but WORDS FROM GOD HIMSELF.

Exodus 20:1-3 And God spake all these words, saying, I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

I Corinthians 7:12-13a To the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not etc.

The Bible is therefore the Word of God AND words of God. Occasionally a comment will be reported not coming from God but in such cases (an example given above) it's stated to be so. Additionally, where conversations are transcribed obviously only God's words are His own. That pretty much covers the blue paragraph.

The Bible is the Word of God (not words of God) written by different people influenced by their particular time, place and culture. This sacred book is a collection of diverse voices that tell of the experience of God. The Bible is a record of faith, a source of values, a witness to the person and power of Jesus Christ. It contains enduring truths that remain relevant today.
All of us are on a faith journey that continues throughout our lives. Through scripture, study, prayer and worship, our journey finds its focus in the teachings and example of Jesus. In the community of the church, we share both our understandings and our questions as we seek to grow deeper in faith.
In response to the gift of God’s loving kindness, we have a responsibility to live out what we say we believe…in our homes, in our workplaces, in how we treat others, in sharing what we have, in the ethics we practice, and in the priorities we hold and live by.

Hebrews 12:1-2a Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.

New-age psychobabble has no place in Christianity and nowhere in The Bible do we find "journey" used in this sense. Liberal news media? Sure: everyone's "on a journey" there. Idiots who visit Afghanistan for a bit of nude sunbathing? You got it! "On a journey" but in this case their actual journey is likely to be curtailed. Abruptly. With plenty of psychobabble in interviews no doubt if they still have tongues. Christians on the other hand are running a race. The witnesses are described in the previous chapter, essentially people on a "journey" seeking Redemption through wacko doctrines or abstruse moral codes and stuff. They're not getting anywhere in babble terms and are keen to notice what happens to people not on a "journey" of "spiritual enlightenment" but trusting in Christ Jesus. Only in Him will Salvation be completed and our faith fulfilled. You will see that I have concerns about the motivation behind this statement. That's the green paragraph done.

The Bible is the Word of God (not words of God) written by different people influenced by their particular time, place and culture. This sacred book is a collection of diverse voices that tell of the experience of God. The Bible is a record of faith, a source of values, a witness to the person and power of Jesus Christ. It contains enduring truths that remain relevant today.
All of us are on a faith journey that continues throughout our lives. Through scripture, study, prayer and worship, our journey finds its focus in the teachings and example of Jesus. In the community of the church, we share both our understandings and our questions as we seek to grow deeper in faith.
In response to the gift of God’s loving kindness, we have a responsibility to live out what we say we believe…in our homes, in our workplaces, in how we treat others, in sharing what we have, in the ethics we practice, and in the priorities we hold and live by.

Mark 6:12-13 And they went out, and preached that men should repent. And they cast out many devils, and anointed with oil many that were sick, and healed them.

For the turquoise paragraph I'll use an imaginary example. Do you get up in the morning thinking “Great day for arson; now where's the turpentine and gelignite………………

. . . . . . . . WHOOOOPS!

………………no, no, gotta remember ‘I have a responsibility to live out what I say I believe…in the ethics I practice and in the priorities I hold and live by’” because if you did—which would be in accord with that mission statement—something would be very wrong. I hope you can see that? In the short passage from Mark 16, those disciples were not performing such works SO THAT people would see what had happened in their lives. The works were possible BECAUSE OF what had happened in their lives. That is an example from Scripture (not something I thought up for myself) of what God means when He says looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. It does not result from any sort of "journey" and quite honestly I'd half expect to see "paradigm shift" if I kept reading.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can clarify the points concerning me.

[C. S. Darrow, Esq.]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Mr. Darrow, if called upon to do God's work, can you be at any court house with bail money for always innocent and unjustly prosecuted True Christians™. I am asking for a friend.


I am sure you are ashamed and embarrassed from some of those family members in your past. Familial indiscretions happen and the best we can do is put it behind us and try to scrub the slates clean. I figure if the nigra's can change history to suit them, decent people should have the same ability.



Do you handle civil rights cases when ones' religion is being oppressed?

My dear Mr. Hutchins, as I've mentioned, Christian civil rights are indeed my area of expertise to the extent that I have strictly limited my practice to only those types of cases. In most major metropolitan areas, I do have the means to dispatch a bail bondsman without delay. Have your friend call my law offices anytime such arrangements are needed and my team will know what to do to expedite the process. If after office hours, a 24-hour emergency number will be provided via recording and someone will return the call within minutes. We can work out billing at another time and our goal is to always ensure that all legal fees are part of any recovery we are able to negotiate. And our rate of "recovery" is well over 65%! I look forward to assisting your friend, in Jesus' name.


That I must live with the knowledge that people on my own family tree committed such atrocities as those of which you are aware seems unfair, but I give thanks to Christ Jesus for the opportunity He has afforded me to set things to right as best I can and with His guidance. I have been blessed with great success and must attribute it all to Him.

[C. S. Darrow, Esq.]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

I must say that I've seen everything now! A lawyer who is not a Joo! Well, knock me down with a feather. Are you sure you're not Jooish? They make great lawyers as they have no morals. And medical doctors. Same reason btw. Anyways, while I am deeply embedded within the Donald administration, some of my potential Filipino houseboys have problems to enter the Godly and Great U. S. of A. as emancipated minors. I need to fix that.

You'd better understand that I am actually welcoming you unto my Board! This is a rare privilege. Stray from the straight and narrow path unto homer ways and you'll feel our wrath. Keep in line and you might one day be allowed to tithe. What's the best pie your woman can fix?

Pastor Ezekiel, it is indeed an honor to be addressed by a man of your stature and renown. I wish to assure you that nary a molecule of Joo blood runs in these old veins. One reason I chose to pursue a career in law was as a means to demonstrate that my unfortunate surname need no longer be associated with the evil ways of my ancestors and their infamous agnosticism. There were actually some Darrows who were ardent so-called "abolitionists" who worked against our country's own rights to free enterprise. There were still others who were instrumental in the "women's suffrage" movement that ultimately led to womenfolk being herded into the voting booths where they had - and still have - no idea what they were doing. There was a photo in LOOK magazine of a second cousin, twice removed (her last name was Ingram, I believe), burning her brassiere back in the sixties and I learned she sustained second and third degree burns as a result. Jesus was with her that day, I know it, but she didn't. I'd never met her and understand she's since taken her last breath before her journey to the underworld.


The other reason I chose a career in the law profession was the startling rate at which Christians were increasingly facing persecution in this country. Freedom of religion is under siege and every day more and more Christians are facing the reality that their love for our Savior and everything He espoused is no longer something they can necessarily openly proclaim. When I hear about Christians being sued for being Christians, prosecuted in court for merely following the Word of our Lord in the Bible, I saw a need to rise to their defense and to do all I can to protect their First Amendment (and Second Amendment) rights as outlined in our Constitution that God Himself oversaw during its composition. Jesus has always been (at least to me) an obvious presence in the Chicago area and He recruited me through the Holy Spirit to become a force for justice for real Christians.


Most of my not-so-esteemed colleagues are joos and law school was a constant struggle, but with my Lord and Savior at my side, they soon learned that I would not be swayed by their instinctive greed or their insatiable need for attention.


At my behest, one of my paralegals has reached out to a friend of mine, Ambassador Sung Kim at the United States Embassy in Manilla and I am confident that the fine young men of whom you speak will soon find that their visas have been approved and they may enter God's favorite country immediately to begin their religious studies under your tutelage.


About pie, I'm afraid I am, at this time, unmarried once again. I do have a younger Christian domestic servant who is quite adept at creating mincemeat pies unrivaled by any others I've experienced. She is quite the little pie artist and does justice to all varieties of them, but her mincemeat pie has me using my napkin to dry my tears. I should like very much to have some of them sent to you, assuming you might be a mincemeat aficionado as I certainly am. If you like - it's not that far from Kenilworth to Freehold, perhaps less than an eight-hour bus trip for her - I can send 'Rachel' to Freehold sometime for some one-on-one bible study with you, if you can find time for her. I'm confident she would benefit from greater study of the Bible than she seems to receive here in Kenilworth where she works in my home or in Waukegan where she says she lives.


I look forward to continued contact and - hopefully soon - to meeting you in person once you've been able to set our blessed President Trump on the path to his next victory in 2020.


May Jesus Christ continue to guide my every thought and action and may He continue to bless you in all your hard work in His name.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Mr. Darrow, if called upon to do God's work, can you be at any court house with bail money for always innocent and unjustly prosecuted True Christians(tm). I am asking for a friend.


I am sure you are ashamed and embarrassed from some of those family members in your past. Familial indiscretions happen and the best we can do is put it behind us and try to scrub the slates clean. I figure if the nigra's can change history to suit them, decent people should have the same ability.



Do you handle civil rights cases when ones' religion is being oppressed?

[Isabella White]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Mister Darrow, if that is your real name ... Excuse me for correcting a man but I don’t want The Bible being misused.

Dear Sister Maxine: I do realize that this is none of my business, but I am hoping, as an elder sister in the that I can help you to see the error of your way here. As Sister Basilissa has pointed out, so astutely, I can see no reason for any dislike or hard feelings toward Mr. Darrow. So far as I know, he has shown himself to be of very good character, and he has taken ample time to explain things very thoroughly, in a polite and reasonable manner. Certainly, seeing him become a Forum Member is verification of this.

Rather than being somewhat defensively-offensive, might I kindly suggest that you seek the regarding your ill-worded message to Brother Darrow?

Matthew 6:6 "But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly."

I do realize that, being a mere girl, you are prone to emotional outbursts from time to time. And I do understand that you have had a somewhat difficult time over the summer, with one thing and another, and so on and so forth. But, meeting with your in prayer, and studying (patiently) the blessed will do you well.

II Peter 3:18 "But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen."

I wish you a most blessed evening, dear younger Sister,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

[C. S. Darrow, Esq.]

Re: Good morning, and thank you.

Hello there Mr. Darrow,

If I read your lineage correctly, I do believe that we may have a blood feud here - which I sincerely hope we can avoid.

I see that someone here has seen fit to make you a member, and we're already off on the wrong foot in that I do believe your ancestor was a filthy Democrat rather than a Republican. Now my ancestor was also a Democrat - we do have something in common, and I rebuke him to this very day for that, but otherwise he was a Godly man.

Let's get a couple of things straight here - that monkey boy Scopes was guilty and convicted by a jury, and getting him off on a "technicality" served an injustice on the American people.

Similarly, those elitist soy boys Leopold and Loeb should have gotten the chair, and it may have served a warning to those elite DC Democrats to not persecute our present Godly President Trump - and try to get away with it. The Lord's Justice is swift and true, and we don't need any flannel mouth lawyers doing the work of the devil.

Mr. Bryan, I am burdened with the reality that my filthy, great-great uncle was, in fact, a registered Republican and it sickens me to even have to write it. Your ancestor was indeed a righteous and Godly man who was inexplicably on the rolls as a registered Democrat. I have reason to believe your ancestor was a victim of an administrative error and have long suspected as much.

John Scopes was a heathen, a scofflaw, and an apostate. That anyone from my family tree would have defended such an animal is a heavy burden I must carry all my days. That the same ancestor would have defended a couple of murderous joos and avoided capital punishment for the two of them is unthinkable. Loeb got what was coming to him, ultimately, about a decade later, as the general population in a prison can be understandably hostile toward his ilk. But Leopold walked free less than four decades later and actually tried to sell a book about his exploits. The shame I feel is a topic about which I pray to our Heavenly Father literally every night at my bedside. I find little comfort knowing that evil little creature died from a heart attack, but that he did so among the latins in Puerto Rico is something I find gratifying.


I can think of no reason, Mr. Bryan, why there should be animus between us. We both have things in our family trees for which we are and should be rightfully ashamed. We can't change what should never have happened almost a century ago, but we can and should work together to ensure that those we teach today learn from the mistakes of our ancestors. I would hold the moral character of William Jennings Bryan, your ancestor, as the gold standard by which any child today should want to pattern their lives, and my ancestor, Clarence, as being the best possible example of the worst possible excuse for a human being to have ever lived. On these points I believe we can stand in agreement.