[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hi all!

Please excuse me, Pastor Pistle sir, but how much longer am to have this scurrilous "unsaved thrash" designation appended to my good name? I can assure you that not only am I saved, but as one of the elect I was predestined from the beginning of time for salvation while the vast majority of the dregs of humanity were predestined for eternal torment.

Praise the Lord for His justice and mercy!!!

Once your DOF file comes in and we find out if you are who you claim to be. So far I see precious little evidence that you are Saved(c). We still don't know what church you attend. You have yet to quote the Holy Bible. And I wonder why your husband would even allow you to speak on a Christian forum.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hi all!

Forgive me Brother Bob -- I am very reluctant to instruct a man -- but if you will direct your attention to #6, you will see that I am indeed a proud citizen of the only Godly nation left on earth. I can assure you that there are no True Christians left anywhere in the so-called "European Union" or more accurately, The Devil's Playground. Pope worshipers, yes. Joos and Hindoos, yes. Mohammedans, definitely. Sodomites and fornicators galore. Blasphemers, baby killers, and other sundry riffraff are a dime a dozen. But nary a True Christian.

What you say is wrong. You are speaking out of turn, woman!

We have Landover Baptist Pastors, Evangelists and Missionaries scattered all across the globe. Several reside in Godless England, some even suffer the cesspool of Belgium (an imaginary country).

Since you are unsaved scum, you are in NO POSITION to be making assumptions or correcting a True Christian(tm) Man. If you were my wife you'd get the beating of your life.

[JennyD]

Re: Hi all!

I can assure you that not only am I saved, but as one of the elect I was predestined from the beginning of time for salvation while the vast majority of the dregs of humanity were predestined for eternal torment.

Praise the Lord for His justice and mercy!!!

It's a shame that the Church of England was Calvinist in Mather's time, and the Puritans were not.

Care to try again, dear?

[Mrs. Cotton Mather X]

Re: Hi all!

It's a shame that the Church of England was Calvinist in Mather's time, and the Puritans were not.

Care to try again, dear?

Hmmm...methinks I shall ask my DH the Reverend Dr. Mather to have you investigated for witchcraft.

[JennyD]

Re: Hi all!

Hmmm...methinks I shall ask my DH the Reverend Dr. Mather to have you investigated for witchcraft.

Methinks you just earned a shiny batch of infraction points, Miss Witchy-poo!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Hi all!

Hmmm...methinks I shall ask my DH the Reverend Dr. Mather to have you investigated for witchcraft.

You were showing promise, friend, but this is beyond the pale. You owe Sister Jenny an apology, Mrs. Mather.

[Mrs. Cotton Mather X]

Re: Hi all!

You were showing promise, friend, but this is beyond the pale. You owe Sister Jenny an apology, Mrs. Mather.

Please forgive me, Sister Jenny. I'm a little short fused today. It's that time of the month, you know.

[Billy Ram]

Re: Hi all!

Please forgive me, Sister Jenny. I'm a little short fused today. It's that time of the month, you know.

Oh great, according to Leviticus the whole forum is unclean now.

[JennyD]

Re: Hi all!

Please forgive me, Sister Jenny. I'm a little short fused today. It's that time of the month, you know.

Had you been polite, instead of flinging rude accusations, I'd have even offered you a room at the Don't Drip Inn (your attire suggests you can't afford my hotel for True Christian(tm) Gold and Platinum Tithers, The Monthly Visitor) for the length of your uncleanness.

But now, I guess you'll just have to spend your week out in the shed behind your husband's house.

You may use the forum's search function to learn more about my short-term residences for Christian women during their unclean time. They're local to Freehold at the moment, but a venture capital firm has asked me if I'm interested in franchising the concept. They say that millions of husbands would relish the idea of the menstruating missus being away from the family home for that unpleasant week each month.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Hi all!

They say that millions of husbands would relish the idea of the menstruating missus being away from the family home for that unpleasant week each month.

Four unpleasant weeks each month.

[Mrs. Cotton Mather X]

Re: Hi all!

Okay, you guys are a hoot, and I really admire good performance art, but it's all too insular for a newbie to penetrate. I'll bow out now. So long.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Hi all!

Okay, you guys are a hoot, and I really admire good performance art, but it's all too insular for a newbie to penetrate. I'll bow out now. So long.

We aren't a troop of dancing bears. We're all here to fellowship and share the Word of God. The difference between us and other Christians is that we talk about the whole Bible, not just the parts that make us feel good because they say what we want to hear.

If you want to fit in and show yourself to be an earnest seeker, then you would do well to study your Bible and learn God's Word. We have a Bible in a Year program here on this site that will help you in this endeavor.

2Tim 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
2Tim 2:16 But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Hi all!

Please excuse me, Pastor Pistle sir, but how much longer am to have this scurrilous "unsaved thrash" designation appended to my good name?

Sister Mather:

The way to acceptance into God's True Fold(tm) is steep and perilous. I hope you will learn to endure the trials required of us here at Landover.

Surely the blessed light of Jesus will shine from your posts in due time, and our goodly Pastors will embrace you...as they have so many others before.

Be strong. It is for Christ.

[Hymie Goldberg]

Re: Hi all!

Say, are you related to Milton? He is one of our JOO accountants?

Is that Milton Guberman? If so I'm not related to him as such but I did represent his nephew Shlomo in a small tax related criminal matter down here in Australia.

Hymie