Hello Friends

[Prodigal Kyle]

I am new here, but a friend told me about Gods favorite forums, the Landover Baptist Church Forums.

I have a question, how am i "unsaved trash" Just wondering.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello Friends

I am new here, but a friend told me about Gods favorite forums, the Landover Baptist Church Forums.

I have a question, how am i "unsaved trash" Just wondering.

Your name would seem to indicate that you're a Catholic, and a senior skirt-wearer at that. 'Nuff said.

[Prodigal Kyle]

Re: Hello Friends

I am a white male Pastor at a church in NYC. I must resite Sin and Vice everyday, so i hope you can help me

[Prodigal Kyle]

Re: Hello Friends

Your name would seem to indicate that you're a Catholic, and a senior skirt-wearer at that. 'Nuff said.

I recently moved here from ireland, and i was nick named "Father Kyle", Because my father was a caholic priest. I gess it stuck

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hello Friends

And just who or what are you a "father" of, Kyle?
Have you not read the Holy KJV1611 Bible? There is but one Father, you blasphemer!
REPENT!

And call no man your father upon the earth:
For one is your Father, which is in heaven.
Matthew 23:9

[MrsMycroftSmith]

Re: Hello Friends

Oh good lord, an Irishman! Have you no shame, sir!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Hello Friends

I am new here, but a friend told me about Gods favorite forums, the Landover Baptist Church Forums.

I have a question, how am i "unsaved trash" Just wondering.

I am a white male Pastor at a church in NYC. I must resite Sin and Vice everyday, so i hope you can help me

I recently moved here from ireland, and i was nick named "Father Kyle", Because my father was a caholic priest. I gess it stuck

If you are indeed a pastor, something I do doubt, I weep for your congregation. No true man of God would allow himself to be called "Father", even in jest.

Matthew 23:9 And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.

There are other things you have said that cause me to doubt you. You claim to be in New York City, one of the most Godless wastelands in our otherwise pristinely Christian nation. It's one thing to go there as a missionary and witness to the trash, but no True Christian church has ever taken root.
Then there is your tenuous grasp of our language. If a man can't spell or punctuate correctly, how could anyone be expected to trust him on matters of reading too, and you must be reading the Bible (KJV1611) every day, aren't you?
Your Irishness is, of course, a curse you were born with, but such things can be remedied through Jesus. Brother Wash O'Hanley did it gloriously, though I suspect he struggles with the desire to get drunk and brawl every day (fortunately he has his no-holds-barred radio show to help channel that inborn aggressiveness toward liberals and other unSaved scum).

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Hello Friends

I recently moved here from ireland, and i was nick named "Father Kyle", Because my father was a catholic priest. I gess it stuck

I suppose we are to believe that your mother was an altar boy?!

Either way, that makes you a bastard -- Catholic priests can't marry -- and rejected from God's congregation by His word. If you knew the Bible, you'd know that.

How about you come clean, tell us who you REALLY are, and ask one of the Pastors to change your name to something suitable?

Perhaps, even though you joined the site as a joke -- doubtless to persecute us for revealing the Truth about God and Jesus, and for condemning False Christianity -- Jesus can still reach your hardened heart.

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: Hello Friends

A pastor that goes by the name "Father" Kyle? The Catholic church's espionage attempts on our church are getting more and more lazy.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Hello Friends

I suppose we are to believe that your mother was an altar boy?!

Good catch! I assumed he meant his father was an ex-priest, as I am an ex-nun, but it never occurred to me that he might probably still be a pedophile! I was able to give up the soft caress of a woman's touch when I left the convent, but that's because I had the help of Jesus and the pastors of Landover. A pedophile is a homer who prefers young lads, and we all know that homers can't change until they enter a proper, Godly treatment program.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Hello Friends

Good catch! I assumed he meant his father was an ex-priest, as I am an ex-nun, but it never occurred to me that he might probably still be a pedophile! I was able to give up the soft caress of a woman's touch when I left the convent, but that's because I had the help of Jesus and the pastors of Landover. A pedophile is a homer who prefers young lads, and we all know that homers can't change until they enter a proper, Godly treatment program.

Sister, if I may tweak your definition:

A pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to children. Mohammed, who deflowered one of his wives when she was 9 years old, was clearly a pedophile.

A Catholic priest is a pedophile who prefers lads to lasses.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Hello Friends

Sister, if I may tweak your definition:

A pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to children. Mohammed, who deflowered one of his wives when she was 9 years old, was clearly a pedophile.

A Catholic priest is a pedophile who prefers lads to lasses.

Of course you're right. There are homer pedophiles, and there are straight pedophiles. At least we know which ones are easier to cure.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Friends

Of course you're right. There are homer pedophiles, and there are straight pedophiles. At least we know which ones are easier to cure.

All homers are pedophiles, and all pedophiles are homers too. If a homer/pedophile molests a member of the opposite gender, that doesn't make them less of a homer. Research by our Creation Scientists have shown that this is so. A pervert is a pervert, in other words.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello Friends

All homers are pedophiles, and all pedophiles are homers too. If a homer/pedophile molests a member of the opposite gender, that doesn't make them less of a homer. Research by our Creation Scientists have shown that this is so. A pervert is a pervert, in other words.

Praise! You see, this is why Pastor Ezekiel is a Pastor, while Sister Mary is merely a woman. There's Godly, and then there's GODLY.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Hello Friends

My filthy hooha shames me.