[Brother Charlie]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

So... is there a formal notice letting folks know they are no longer "under investigation"? Does someone dispatch a heavenly messenger?

[Hank]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

faggity drivvle

Hey pal your overly polite, whats the go?

[Brother Charlie]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

Hey pal your overly polite, whats the go?

Well, Hank. I appreciate your concern and sensitivity.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

Brother Hank,

As I have mentioned above, I am hopeful that the good folks here will forgive me, as God has already, for attending seminary. Please rest assured that I have stood before God and repented of the experience.

I, a repentant sinner, stand now before you. I ask the good Lord now -- just as I do every day -- to please forgive me my elitist, devil-spawned education. I have overly indulged in an elitist perusal of the scriptures, wasting God's own time in thought and reflection.

Brother Hank, I sense the depth of your compassion. So I will confess to you now that I have even on occasion gone beyond simple thought and reflection -- and have formed actual opinions about the things I read in God's own Holy Word (as reported to King James). Forgive me, brother.

I have the distinct feeling you're talking down to us, Charles, and are engaging in sarcasm.

Do you think the word of God is a joke?

Do you think God's faithful are a joke?

The joke will be on you come Judgement Day when you're cast into the pit with the rest of the sinners.

Praise!

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

The Path to eternal Salvation is a straight and narrow path,your journey to status of unsaved trash greatly depends on you! Follow the path do not stray,live your life in accordance to the standards set forth in the KJV 1611.And a generous TITHE to the LBC cant hurt.The Pastors will accept you warmly at that point.


Have you cast out all of your DEMONS ? Do you use deodorant ? Do you burn candles?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

Dear Lola. I do note the occasional devil spawn -- the minions of Satan himself -- living here in this very vicinity. There IS something fishy going on, because for the most part I find them on golf courses.

I don't know why that is. But something about the game seems to inspire the deepest of unwashed sin.

I can tell you as a True Christian(tm) pastor of 45 years, and an avid golfer, that that is utter rubbish. Golf is a game that a good Christian man can revel in. True Story: I first met Pastor Ezekiel Flint on a game of golf, when he was just a lad caddying for Pastor Deacon Fred. And now he plays golf to this day, but the only reason he can beat me is because he's decades younger me. That boy grew up to become one of the young, dynamic powerhouses of True Christianity(tm) so that argument of yours holds no water.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

I can tell you as a True Christian™ pastor of 45 years, and an avid golfer, that that is utter rubbish. Golf is a game that a good Christian man can revel in. True Story: I first met Pastor Ezekiel Flint on a game of golf, when he was just a lad caddying for Pastor Deacon Fred. And now he plays golf to this day, but the only reason he can beat me is because he's decades younger me. That boy grew up to become one of the young, dynamic powerhouses of True Christianity™ so that argument of yours holds no water.

Amen Rev. Jim. I remember that day well. You were partnered up with Pastor Benny Hinn and Pastor Deacon Fred was partnered with my uncle Donald "Rummy" Rumsfeld. That was the day the certain decisions were made about the [subject matter deleted by JesOS7]

Oh, if golf clubs could talk.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

Awesome! The JesOS7 wordfilter works. Good thing. Then we won't have loose-lips blabbering about that unfortunate instance when the Feds looked at our accounting and [subject matter deleted by JesOS7]

[Brother Charlie]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

You guys have the JesOS7? Awesome! I don't believe even Pat Robertson's folks have the latest version yet.

I repent of the aspersions I ignorantly cast on the holy game of golf. I should have known better, as I know any number of Godly men (and women) who walk the links with the same joy that they walk with the Lord. Perhaps that is why one finds so many demon spawn on the fairways -- they're out seeking Godly targets of opportunity.

Brother Avatar, I talk down to nobody. I do make a point, though, of talking to most anybody.

Sister Lola: I hear your words of wisdom. I have, in fact, cast out all my demons (as best I can tell). I do occasionally burn candles. And I use deodorant at least once a week whether I really need to or not. Also, as soon as my employer deems it fit to cut me another paycheck, I will return with KJV 1611 and debit card in hand -- and I will offer a suitable tithe.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

Did you know that apple cider or white vinegar is an effective deodorant? You may not believe it, but it is true, and actually works. You must try it to see for yourself. Note: Vinegar use has nothing to do with demons and will not attract them....


we talk about objects in your home that can be "hosts" for demons. Candles can also be a "host".
A former African witchdoctor who practiced witchcraft for over twenty years said that demons are attracted to the substance candles are made out of. Candles were a part of his witchcraft. It does not matter what color, shape, or smell they have. When lit, the smell of the candle also calls on another big time demon. Is it a wonder why the candle business is in the Billions of dollars a year! No wonder too that so many churches have candles all over the place.
Get rid of all your candles. You may just be getting rid of some of your problems. This also pertains to incense.
For those Bible researchers who read that "candles" were mentioned in the Bible, look in your Strong's concordance. The Original term is "lamp" "oil" or "oil lamp", NOT "candle". The menorah tradition goes back to 165 B.C. They did not use candles, but used oil.
After you get rid of the candles, command all the demons to leave you and your property, in the name of Jesus, JUST IN CASE.
What if the lights go out, you say? Use a flashlight!



DEMONS man DEMONS
If you don't watch everything every day bam a demon has you by the throat.

[Brother Charlie]

Re: Saying hi -- and seeking salvation

Lola... thank you for that very practical advice. I will take it to heart. As soon as I hit the "send" button, I intend to stand up and rid the house here of all the candles.

One less avenue for demon invasion. Thank God for that!