Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

[Flat Lander]

Hi, I'm Flat Lander.

I don't understand Christianity all that well, having been a Mormon for over 20 years, but I figured that the Landover Baptist Church would be the best place to come to learn about Christianity and being a Christian and all of the good and wonderful things about Jesus and God and the Holy Ghost and maybe even something about the Virgin Mary.

So, I'll be reading and trying to learn, and posting from time to time.

Unfortunately for me, I currently have a job working for another church, and can't get out of that commitment. They may have my body, but that doesn't mean they have my mind.

So far I've been very impressed with the commitment to teaching the truth to people like me.

How often should I put "Praise Jesus" in my posts? Is just one at the end generally appropriate, or should I pepper them throughout?

Looking forward to a great education on being a true Christ-like disciple.

Yours truly,
I mean,
Praise Jesus,
Flat Lander

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

Well, I'm glad you admit Mormonism isn't Christianity. That's the first step in stepping out of the shadows and into the Light. I also suggest you refrain from saying "Praise Jesus" as you are not a Christian, therefore your words are hollow.

I recommend you cease all fellowship with this "church" of yours. By working for them, you are helping them. Surely there is an Independent Baptist church in your area you can go to to help you become a Christian?

[Flat Lander]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

Well, I'm glad you admit Mormonism isn't Christianity. That's the first step in stepping out of the shadows and into the Light. I also suggest you refrain from saying "Praise Jesus" as you are not a Christian, therefore your words are hollow.

I recommend you cease all fellowship with this "church" of yours. By working for them, you are helping them. Surely there is an Independent Baptist church in your area you can go to to help you become a Christian?

Thank you, Rev. Jim, there might be an Independent Baptist church in the area, but I don't really know. They brought me here to "the compound" while it was still dark, they put a bag over my head, and pushed me down in the back seat of an old car. We drove for a long time from my home in Nebraska, so it is possible that I am actually near Freehold, and if I get a chance to escape, I'll head straight for Freehold. The Mormons had a phrase: "Hold to the Iron Rod of God" but this new cult I'm in thinks that's too chancy, so they use chains to insure that we new "converts" don't slip away.

But, if I get a chance, do you have any type of beacon or glowing light source that I could use to guide me at night if I get within a few miles?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

Yet you can post freely and unsupervised on the internet? Something about your story is fishy.

[Flat Lander]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

Yet you can post freely and unsupervised on the internet? Something about your story is fishy.

I think you know the name of my cult. The leaders of my cult EARNED that name. They just aren't too bright. Nonetheless, they do keep the door to my enclosure locked, and they are quite adept at using chains.

In addition to being their official spokesperson, I am also one of their main computer guys. I have some privileges not accorded to others.

And, as to the fishy comment, I do have to fix fish occasionally when I work in the kitchen. I'm not a fan of fish, preferring chicken instead, but a couple of the guys we call apostles are quite fond of fish. So, perhaps your obvious heavenly inspired powers of intuition captured that fish smell still on my hands from when I worked in the kitchen over lunch.

I am ever more amazed by you, Rev. Jim. If I do get to Freehold some day, I'll want to shake your hand. (But I'll be sure to wash the fish smell off first.)

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

Yet you can post freely and unsupervised on the internet? Something about your story is fishy.

Indeed. I suspect a troll.

[Flat Lander]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

Indeed. I suspect a troll.

I've never actually lived under a bridge, although my first few nights here at the compound were cold and damp.

But, I have come here, to the place where all you strong and wise Christians are to learn and grow. Can you not remember back to a day (no doubt long, long ago) when you had not the great knowledge you currently possess? I'm sure that even at your weakest points (in the distant past) you were still infinitely superior to me and certainly smarter and wiser and more in tune with Jesus (and the other significant members of his family, like his dad and virgin mother) than I am now. But does not the fact that I have come here to learn from great and knowledgeable Christians like yourselves (and especially Rev. Jim) mean nothing? I recognize how little I know and how weak and inferior I am and that ALL of the training and education I have EVER HAD is utterly useless, and that is why I came here to the official True Christian Church Web Forums. I want to learn and grow and be just like you.

I'm sure one of these days the guys here will slip up, and then I'll head straight for Freehold. But, until that day, I have this opportunity, through the Internet (which I think was an inspired gift from God, wasn't it) to learn and grow at the virtual feet of great Christians. Please, Please don't cast me out.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

I've never actually lived under a bridge, although my first few nights here at the compound were cold and damp.

But, I have come here, to the place where all you strong and wise Christians are to learn and grow. Can you not remember back to a day (no doubt long, long ago) when you had not the great knowledge you currently possess? I'm sure that even at your weakest points (in the distant past) you were still infinitely superior to me and certainly smarter and wiser and more in tune with Jesus (and the other significant members of his family, like his dad and virgin mother) than I am now. But does not the fact that I have come here to learn from great and knowledgeable Christians like yourselves (and especially Rev. Jim) mean nothing? I recognize how little I know and how weak and inferior I am and that ALL of the training and education I have EVER HAD is utterly useless, and that is why I came here to the official True Christian Church Web Forums. I want to learn and grow and be just like you.

I'm sure one of these days the guys here will slip up, and then I'll head straight for Freehold. But, until that day, I have this opportunity, through the Internet (which I think was an inspired gift from God, wasn't it) to learn and grow at the virtual feet of great Christians. Please, Please don't cast me out.

It's pretty dark up there, isn't it? Can you smell the enchiladas I had for lunch?

[Flat Lander]

Re: Hi, I'm Flat Lander - the new guy (at least for now)

It's pretty dark up there, isn't it? Can you smell the enchiladas I had for lunch?

Enchiladas?

I could have sworn it was soft tacos.

See, that's something else I have to learn.

I am very excited to be here. There is just SO much that I don't know.