My little introduction

[Corvina Samara Smith]

Hello. My name is Corvina Samara Smith. I have already sent an email to Pastor Ezekiel asking about Landover and the Freehold, IA community in general, but I guess he logged off before he could respond.
The reason I was asking is because I am engaged to a man named James Michaelson and we both wanted to moved to a nice, Christian community so we could start a family.
I was raised in a Methodist family, however I haven't attended a Methodist church recently. James was raised in a part Jewish (mother's side)-part Muslim (father's side) family, but has since left both groups and devoted his life to Jesus and studies his Bible (a Christmas present from me last year ) daily.
Since I wasn't raised in a "True Christian" household and both of my parents worked (still barely able to stay off Welfare) I'm not exactly the best cook or homemaker in the world, but I am constantly learning new recipes and various ways to keep a house clean and organized everyday.

God Bless you all,
~Corvina

[Levi Jones]

Re: My little introduction

Praise Jesus and welcome. It seems as if the Lord brought you to Landover just in time.

Tell us, how many Soldiers for Christ have you given your husband?

[Corvina Samara Smith]

Re: My little introduction

Praise Jesus and welcome. It seems as if the Lord brought you to Landover just in time.

Tell us, how many Soldiers for Christ have you given your husband?

I'm not married yet. Our wedding date is set for early next year. (That is, if we can find a True Christian pastor in time, if not then the wedding will have to be postponed ) However, I pray that once we are married, I'll start popping out little soldiers left and right.
Thank you for the warm welcome.

God Bless,
~Corvina

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: My little introduction

Hello Corvina. It's strange that even though your fiance's surname is Michaelson, his father is Muslim? He wouldn't be a negro by any chance would he?

In order for a True Christian(tm) pastor to marry you, you would both have to become True Christians(tm) first. Let me warn you in advance that it's not easy. It's not like Catholicism where you get into the church at birth and therefore don't have to do anything. And it's not like liberal "Christian" churches where all they ask you is to accept Jesus Christ as your savior without even following the Bible.

Jesus Himself tells us that to get into Heaven is difficult and most people won't make it in Matthew 7:13
"Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:"

So it is at Landover Baptist Church. I recommend you stay around here and learned from our more experienced members and feel free to ask our pastors advice.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: My little introduction

Welcome Corvina

James was raised in a part Jewish (mother's side)-part Muslim (father's side) family,

Is that even possible?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My little introduction

I have already replied to this little demon via email, but I think that it's important for you all to know what's going on here.

The email she sent me triggered my JesOS7 Operating System's alarm bells like a Vegas slot machine paying off the grand prize. The DOF were automatically notified, and the preliminary report I got from them curled my hair I can tell you.

I can't reveal the full details that a True Christian(tm) Pastor is privy to, but suffice it to say that this couple has about as much chance of being allowed into Freehold as Hilary Clinton has of being made Chairman of the Republican Party.

[HTannor]

Re: My little introduction

Very scary, Pastor Zeke.

I sleep better knowing you thoroughly screen all the new ones trying to barge into our forum.

[Hank]

Re: My little introduction

Thank God for True Christans(tm) like you Pastor, I almost fell for it.. but I knew something was wrong when she said she is a Christan but couldnt cook.

[Corvina Samara Smith]

Re: My little introduction

Hello Corvina. It's strange that even though your fiance's surname is Michaelson, his father is Muslim? He wouldn't be a negro by any chance would he?

I know it's strange, but his grandfather was converted to Islam after meeting his wife. I'm not sure what her original last name was, and it scares me to even think about it.
Yes, he is a negro, but acts nothing like the ones on TV. In fact, if you just look at the way he acts, the way he talks, and the way he carries himself when he walks, you would probably think he was raised in a completely high class, white family.

In order for a True Christian™ pastor to marry you, you would both have to become True Christians™ first. Let me warn you in advance that it's not easy. It's not like Catholicism where you get into the church at birth and therefore don't have to do anything. And it's not like liberal "Christian" churches where all they ask you is to accept Jesus Christ as your savior without even following the Bible.

Jesus Himself tells us that to get into Heaven is difficult and most people won't make it in Matthew 7:13
"Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:"

So it is at Landover Baptist Church. I recommend you stay around here and learned from our more experienced members and feel free to ask our pastors advice.

Thank you for your advice. I will certainly take note from the more experienced members.

[Corvina Samara Smith]

Re: My little introduction

Thank God for True Christans™ like you Pastor, I almost fell for it.. but I knew something was wrong when she said she is a Christan but couldnt cook.

Well, I was raised in a household where both parents worked outside of the home, and since I did go to public school, no one really taught me how to cook anything other than those TV dinners.
I am embarrassed to admit it, but as I have said, I'm learning plenty of recipes online everyday, as well as learning ways to thoroughly clean a home quickly and effeciently from top to bottom (another thing I was never really taught how to do).

[James Hutchins]

Re: My little introduction

I have already replied to this little demon via email, but I think that it's important for you all to know what's going on here.

The email she sent me triggered my JesOS7 Operating System's alarm bells like a Vegas slot machine paying off the grand prize. The DOF were automatically notified, and the preliminary report I got from them curled my hair I can tell you.

I can't reveal the full details that a True Christian™ Pastor is privy to, but suffice it to say that this couple has about as much chance of being allowed into Freehold as Hilary Clinton has of being made Chairman of the Republican Party.

Holy crap, Pastor! Thank God we have the DoF and responsible people like you looking out for us!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My little introduction

Well, I was raised in a household where both parents worked outside of the home, and since I did go to public school, no one really taught me how to cook anything other than those TV dinners.
I am embarrassed to admit it, but as I have said, I'm learning plenty of recipes online everyday, as well as learning ways to thoroughly clean a home quickly and effeciently from top to bottom (another thing I was never really taught how to do).

You can cut the act Moohammad. The jig is up.

[Corvina Samara Smith]

Re: My little introduction

You can cut the act Moohammad. The jig is up.

I don't understand. What "jig"?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My little introduction

I don't understand. What "jig"?

Don't get smart with me. I know that you're a filthy sand nigra terrorist tring to infiltrate God's favorite church. Jesus is hip to that slip.

[Corvina Samara Smith]

Re: My little introduction

Don't get smart with me. I know that you're a filthy sand nigra terrorist tring to infiltrate God's favorite church. Jesus is hip to that slip.

What!? I don't know what gave you that idea, but I can assure you I am no sand nigra terrorist!