Hello from Kansas!

[Butch Albright]

Hello there! I happened to come by your righteous forum here and was quite pleased to find a beam of Christian light on these heathen intertubes. I used to coach the Westboro Baptist football team, but I'm retired now and need to fill my spare time with some godly activities other than readin' the Bible and attending the Phelp's family's nice protests. I hope I can meet some people here!

Here's a picture of those nice boys I used to coach!


And here's one of me from back in my playin days (for the ladies) I'm the one on the right.

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

After the recent spate of slack-jawed unsaved ingrates posting here, I must say it's a real pleasure to have you join our forums, Mr. Albright. Do make yourself at home.

[Paul Jeffery]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

Coach Albright, I am among your many long-time fans who are holding onto the hope that you'll consider shelving your retirement for just a little while longer and accepting the position about to become available in Chicago. God knows the Bears and Virginia could use a dose of Old-Time Religion to make the whole organization viable again. I know that Bears' fans everywhere would embrace the idea of replacing a Negro coach named "Lovie" with "Da Butch" in a heartbeat! Please consider making the Bears into God's favorite team. The Cowboys, even though they're from Godly Texas, are owned by a man of dubious character who routinely hires thugs to populate his sidelines, so I'm not sure God has a "favorite" team anymore. That He loves football is a known fact and the door in Chicago is about to open wide for a man of your Godly character and influence.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

I know very little about sports, except that before I was cured of my horrible gayness, the so called jocks at my college would torment me to no end. While in the depths of my former mental illness, I even seduced a few burly young men into disgusting, sweaty, steamy man-on-man action. I shudder and my heart races when I recall these memories with their entwined bodies writhing as one.

Anyway, welcome to our forum and my Jesus bless you!

[Paul Jeffery]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

I know very little about sports, except that before I was cured of my horrible gayness, the so called jocks at my college would torment me to no end. While in the depths of my former mental illness, I even seduced a few burly young men into disgusting, sweaty, steamy man-on-man action. I shudder and my heart races when I recall these memories with their entwined bodies writhing as one.

Anyway, welcome to our forum and my Jesus bless you!

Doubtlessly, those "jocks" you seduced were rugby players, soccer players, or gymnasts, maybe swimmers or divers, possibly wrestlers, but NOT football players. Football players are incapable of homosexuality.

[TheLordSavedMe]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

Hello there! I happened to come by your righteous forum here and was quite pleased to find a beam of Christian light on these heathen intertubes. I used to coach the Westboro Baptist football team, but I'm retired now and need to fill my spare time with some godly activities other than readin' the Bible and attending the Phelp's family's nice protests. I hope I can meet some people here!

Hi Butch
This is a super cool place to get to know great people and Jesus better!

All the True Christians(tm) and most of the members are really, really nice. I hope you become a member instead of Unsaved Trash soon so you can be sure to get into heaven!


Tammi

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

Doubtlessly, those "jocks" you seduced were rugby players, soccer players, or gymnasts, maybe swimmers or divers, possibly wrestlers, but NOT football players. Football players are incapable of homosexuality.

As I said, I am a bit ignorant about the world of sports. I really have no idea as to the specific game those lithe young men engaged in all those years ago. I often remember them in my prayers and beg the Lord to forgive them for sinning with me. Because as we all know, if they are never cured of the dread disease of homosexuality, hell awaits them when God strikes them down.

[Bob4God]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

Praise GOD and welcome!

You know, I am originally from Corn Null, Kansas! I used to have a youth group back there, some of them played sports. I went to every single game. Praise GOD!

[BillSattler]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

God bless you and Welcome.

[Butch Albright]

Re: Hello from Kansas!

Why, so many of ya have already come forward to say hello! I can see that my time will be well-spent here on God's Favorite Forum

BillSattler- Thank you for the welcome, Brother, and may God bless you as well!

Bob4God- Corn Null, eh? My boys used to play there evry once in awhile, those Nullers'd give us quite a run for our money! Perhaps you could post some pictures of your boys and we could reminisce about those great games sometime!

Professor Bessemer- It's great that you've come to the side of God, but you'll forgive me if I ignore you occasionally on account of the atrocities you've commited in the past? You understand, I'm sure

TheLordSavedMe- Why, bless your little heart, dear! Thank ya kindly, but don't you worry one bit about me! I've emailed Pastor Ezekiel and I'm sure to have this label removed and Salvation garaunteed soon enough!

Aziraphale- As much as I would like to be the man who drags the Bears from their time of darkness with their heathen blackie coach into the light of God's love, I have to say your godly offer comes at an unfortunate time for me. As I'm sure you know, God's warrior, Fred Phelps Sr. is aging quickly, and as a close family friend, I need to remain in the state in case something dire happens. For the good of the church, you know? I'm sure the Bears will find the light soon, God watches over his teams!

Lastly, Mrs. Rogers- Thank ya kindly for the warm welcome, I hope to make myself at home here indeed! If you're not already married, I hope you got a good look at that "playin days" photo I posted? I hope to be seein a good bit of you around God's Favorite Forum in the future! God bless!

Alright, thank ya all for the kind greetings to your godly forum, now can someone direct me to the thread where we discuss God and America's favorite sport?