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  • #1

    I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

    Hello, my name is John (like the Bible book, no doubt - that proved that being a Christian is truly my correct path) and I am a sinner. A disgusting sinner. I am trying to reprove all of my errors, and I think Landover Baptist has truly helped me in this area. Who did Jesus choose to help create such a loving and Christian website?

    With all the disgusting internet porn and other vile things that Satan has created these days, I was afraid to even go near my computer. In fact, I was just getting ready to burn it. However, I decided to search for a way to beat my sister for the sin she committed at school, and I pulled up the VERY helpful article published by Jesus but distributed by Landover, "Godly Tips on How To Punish and Beat Your Christian Child". It was as if a light dawned over my head and I had found my true home! And what else, I found that I can have good, GODLY association with Christians who are better than me and will be able to give me stern guidance anytime that I veer off the path to Jesus. This is so awesome, seeing as my OTHER friends seem to have priorities that will lead them straight to HELL! Certainly I do not want to be pulled down under the ground to join Satan to burn in fire permanently as my ex-friends will inevitably be doing, so I have cut all association with them.

    So anyway, I have committed a few sins. For instance, I definitely have not tithed my entire life. I know this is completely serious, and I feel eternally terrible for it! So, now I have been giving 50% of my income to God. It appears that it has helped a lot, since the priest was able to buy a new car for his ever-effective ministry last week. Is there a certain church that I must give my money to to make sure that it is going to Jesus, or does God count it all as coming to him, no matter what Baptist church is recieving it? Please excuse my ignorance.

    That is another one of my sins, ignorance. I know so little about the Bible. I am trying to learn, and I hope that you Landover Baptists will help me!

    Basically, though, I am mostly guilty by association. My friends-now-turned-enemies were all rotten people (vegeterians, fornicators, now one is a homer) and I am so sorry to the Lord that I ever spent my time with them, and that I thought I needed any other friend besides Him. I hope that you Landover Baptists will pray to God to help Him forgive me for this terrible error in my life.

    Thank you so much for reading!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

    Originally posted by Appendage View Post
    Is there a certain church that I must give my money to to make sure that it is going to Jesus, or does God count it all as coming to him, no matter what Baptist church is recieving it? Please excuse my ignorance.
    Friend, to be on the safe side, you want to give your money to a Church that follows 100% of God's word to the letter. That rules out folks like the Northern Baptist Convention and the American Baptist Association pretty much right out - they hardly even pretend to worship Christ any more. Also, the heathen blaspheming false "Baptists" of the Southern Baptist Convention are out as well. Some of the Independent Baptist Churches are alright, but most of them are pretty shaky and liberal as well.

    However, it would appear that GOD has guided you to one Church that you're guaranteed to be 100% safe with. Isn't that lucky for you?
    O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



    God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

      Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
      Friend, to be on the safe side, you want to give your money to a Church that follows 100% of God's word to the letter. That rules out folks like the Northern Baptist Convention and the American Baptist Association pretty much right out - they hardly even pretend to worship Christ any more. Also, the heathen blaspheming false "Baptists" of the Southern Baptist Convention are out as well. Some of the Independent Baptist Churches are alright, but most of them are pretty shaky and liberal as well.

      However, it would appear that GOD has guided you to one Church that you're guaranteed to be 100% safe with. Isn't that lucky for you?
      You are right, Brother. I have often been skeptical of the churches that I send God's money to, and I'm very grateful that you have cleared that up for me. I never have associated with a Southern Baptist in my life, at least not after the one time that they asked me to participate in what they called a "play" (which sounded extremely sexual to me; perhaps even sodomy-related) where I would have to pretend to be a demon. It is really a shame that the Devil has infilitrated so many churches, and we have to be so wary as to who we associate with! However, I suppose my extreme caution and ever-searching is over finally over. I will be sure to tithe only to Landover Baptist from this point forward.

      The very fact that I have stumbled upon this loving church helps me believe that perhaps God has not abandoned me afterall!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

        Well, welcome to Landover! Feel free to- wait, they won't let you do that...um...yeeah. *whisper* They're kind of paranoid if you ask me!*
        So, kick back, post some stuff, and hope you don't get put on moderatin like me!
        _G

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

          I don't know where other churches lost their sight of God, perhaps it was the poorly upholstered seats with the cheap mini cup holders or maybe it was the chinsey projection screen multimedia presentations rather than the Godly 10-foot flat screen HD-TV that we have at Landover but somewhere along the line these poor folks forgot what church is all about. Your coming to these forums is a sure sign that you are ready to surrender yourself completely to God and HIS favorite church.

          Word to the wise: because of your sinful behavior in the past you may want to tithe double for the next 6 months just to get on God's good side- I know he's been hoping to get new mini-refrigerators put in the luxery boxes at church with full-stocked minibars and every little bit helps!
          sigpic

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

            Please, take no strong heed from me, for I am merely a woman.

            But are you married? If so, are you properly disciplining your wife?
            Belive me brother, the home is the first place Satan strikes.
            Women are so weak, and we need the strong male hand to keep us in line.

            Please, if your gay "friend" does not get help now, things will only get worse for him. Kill him before he damns his soul to an even hellisher Hell than the one he's already going to!

            Peace be with you my brother!
            Praise to Jesus!
            Premarital sex is only a roadblock to holiness. You don't need to touch another person's body–or your own–to have a rockin' good time!
            Abstinence: it's not easy but neither are you!

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

              I believe there is a sin to offering chart / matrix floating around some where. In your case however, I would just give everything you have just be 100% sure. Wouldn't want to take a trip some where hot now, would you?

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                Originally posted by nikilds View Post

                But are you married? If so, are you properly disciplining your wife?
                Belive me brother, the home is the first place Satan strikes.
                Women are so weak, and we need the strong male hand to keep us in line.
                You are very right about that. No, I am not married. I nearly wed a woman a few months ago, but then she made a comment about how this "Justin Timberlake" character is "soooo cute", and I knew that Jesus was not truly in her heart. So I smacked her and told her that she doesn't even DESERVE a husband after such behavior, and then she disappeared and I cannot find her. I have a nice whip ready when I do though! Maybe it was a good thing, however - I did not want to marry some kind of Heathen! Surely the LORD was helping me not divert from my path to become a True Christian™!

                But since you asked, are you looking for a mate? You seem like a genuine woman of God.

                However, I am beginning to think that I will just share in the marriage-like relationship that Jesus offers in the Bible. Praise!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                  Originally posted by Appendage View Post
                  However, I am beginning to think that I will just share in the marriage-like relationship that Jesus offers in the Bible. Praise!
                  Could you please outline the specifics of this relationship you are referring to? Along with the scripture that backs it up please....
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                    Could you please outline the specifics of this relationship you are referring to? Along with the scripture that backs it up please....
                    Of course!

                    Ephesians 1:22, 23 - And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all.
                    Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

                    As you see, this husband/wife relationship is compared to a Christ/Church relationship exactly, especially in the first when it says that he is head over all things to the church, just as a husband is head over all things that concern his wife and her entire state of being! I think the specifics are self-explanatory. Christ is just as eager to beat around his "wives" (followers) as husbands do with their earthly women, if they step out of line! I'm sure there is more that I missed, do elaborate, please.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                      Originally posted by Appendage View Post
                      However, I am beginning to think that I will just share in the marriage-like relationship that Jesus offers in the Bible. Praise!
                      Originally posted by Appendage View Post
                      Of course!

                      Ephesians 1:22, 23 - And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all.
                      Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

                      As you see, this husband/wife relationship is compared to a Christ/Church relationship exactly, especially in the first when it says that he is head over all things to the church, just as a husband is head over all things that concern his wife and her entire state of being! I think the specifics are self-explanatory. Christ is just as eager to beat around his "wives" (followers) as husbands do with their earthly women, if they step out of line! I'm sure there is more that I missed, do elaborate, please.
                      Thank you for making the effort to explain what you were (mistakenly) thinking. The fact that you looked it up and posted the scripture accurately from the KJV Bible is commendable.

                      Now, I have been assuming that you are a Male. Correct me if I was wrong. So as a Male, are you seriously considering yourself "married" to Jesus? Let me assure you that our Saviour is not a smoker of tallywackers, nor would He want to destroy the sanctity of normal marriage by "marrying" you.

                      Jesus wants you to chose a woman to make your wife, so that you can put her to work baking future soldiers for Christ. While it is better to avoid women altogether, its better to avoid sin, so I hope you aren't thinking that Jesus wants you to "marry" Him instead of doing the natural thing.

                      It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. -- 1 Corinthians 7:1-2

                      For I would that all men were even as I myself.... I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. -- 1 Corinthians 7:7-9
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                        Originally posted by Appendage View Post
                        Of course!

                        Ephesians 1:22, 23 - And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fullness of him that filleth all in all.
                        Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

                        As you see, this husband/wife relationship is compared to a Christ/Church relationship exactly, especially in the first when it says that he is head over all things to the church, just as a husband is head over all things that concern his wife and her entire state of being! I think the specifics are self-explanatory. Christ is just as eager to beat around his "wives" (followers) as husbands do with their earthly women, if they step out of line!
                        Praise! It would appear that, unlike 99% of so-called "christians", you have actually read at least two Bible verses! There's hope for you yet, boy.
                        O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                        God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                          Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                          ... Also, the heathen blaspheming false "Baptists" of the Southern Baptist Convention are out as well....

                          can you explain why this is so please???

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                            Originally posted by Ex-Goth18 View Post
                            can you explain why this is so please???
                            Other than the fact that the insult Jesus by calling Him a sinner? The fact that they ordain known anti-American Communists like that uppity Martin Luther King fellow doesn't help much either.
                            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: I hope that my past sins will not stop you from greeting me.

                              jesus WAS a sinner he had to be so he could die for all of our sins! even the bible says so.. i dont have time now but i will find the passage for you later!










                              God loves you!

                              Comment

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