X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • Gregor Koenig
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Feb 2010
    • 3
    #1

    Greetings!

    Dear brothers and sisters,

    first, I want to apologize for not posting my first post here into the introduction forum. I will need to pray 4 hours long now and take a shower in holy water now. Maybe then God will think about forgiving me.

    Well, my name is Gregor Koenig. My family is fully christian and I know the Holy Bible since my first day of birth. I slept on one. We didn't have enough money for a bed. I don't think, I deserved one anyway, since I often screamed around as a child. When I was younger, I also stole an apple. Oh dear, my father hit me so hard, I can still feel it. So, when I was back from hospital, my life changed dramatically. God was so near, I could even feel him!
    The Holy Bible is the most important part of my life. I hate Gothics, Atheists and all that crap. When I see one of those rats, I strike them down with my cane. If you have more questions, feel free to ask, if you are an Christian.

    May God be with you!
    Tags: None
    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556
      #2
      Re: Greetings!

      Welcome to God's favorite forum.

      Please tell us about yourself, friend. How old are you? What church do you attend? What's your wife's best pie?
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • GOD=life
          WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
          True Christian™
          • Jan 2010
          • 3263
          #3
          Re: Greetings!

          Gregor, I sense some mockery in your post. But perhaps you haven't properly acquainted yourself with True Christianity yet. Keep an OPEN MIND and this forum will show you the way.

          Originally posted by Gregor Koenig View Post
          I will need to pray 4 hours long now and take a shower in holy water now.
          Do you have Scripture to support this?

          Where do you get "holy water" from? Are you catlick?

          Originally posted by Gregor Koenig View Post
          I could even feel him!
          Don't you mean "Him"? (capitalized reference to God)

          Originally posted by Gregor Koenig View Post
          I hate Gothics, Atheists and all that crap.
          Then you aren't Christian.

          We love gothics and atheists, we don't hate a single one of them. That's why we're working so hard to convince them to go to Heaven with us.
          I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

          Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
          Matthew 7:22           Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
          Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

          Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

            Comment

            • Cranky Old Man
              Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
              You kids get off his lawn!
               
              • Jan 2010
              • 22375
              #4
              Re: Greetings!

              Originally posted by Gregor Koenig View Post
              I know the Holy Bible since my first day of birth. I slept on one. We didn't have enough money for a bed.
              Are you here to mock us? Not even Pastor Ezekiel knew the Bible the first day of birth. God does not like mocking of his followers: 2 Kings 2:23 "And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them." You risk eternal damnation in hell my friend .
              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                Comment

                Previous template Next
                Working...