Hello brothers and sisters !

[Davidsky]

I'm kind ofa True Christian ™ .
I'm french (sorry, I didn't choose to be).

I'm suffering from a desease i don't remenber the name, but it seems that i'm always loosing something, that i can't remenber what, most of time.

So i met Jesus in France (yes, sometimes, he goes there too, for holidays, I suppose: very strange, but you know, God's ways...), but i can't remember more of the story.

So, what else ?

I'm glad to be here, very funny and friendly place, with good looking people !

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

Welcome to our friendly forum!

I'm kind ofa True Christian ™

You can't be "kind of a" True Christian. You are a either 100% True Christian or you are not. Do you follow the KJV1611 Holy Bible to the letter?

[Davidsky]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

Welcome to our friendly forum!

Thank you very much, sir ! Very handsome beard, congratulations !

You can't be "kind of a" True Christian. You are a either 100% True Christian or you are not. Do you follow the KJV1611 Holy Bible to the letter?

Ah, I meant, I thought True Christians ™ could only be Americans... and 100% caucasians.

No Sir, I follow the KJV1611 Holy Bible by the spirit, I think, as the Apostle Paul said somewhere. Or maybe it was someone else.

So I've not yet resurrected anybody yet, but i'm trying hard !

I gave up also trying walking on water, like the Lord did (and Peter): just swimming is not so bad, after all, if you've thought to get your swimmsuit.

I apologise for my awful english.... I know it's the langage that the Holy Book was written in, and i'm so ashamed not to know it better...
I look forward for your heart of compassion and misericordness, you beloved ones of this forum to forgive me....

And i repent deeply before mu Lord and Saviour!

Uh, something went to my mind: maybe you Americans should invade Europe, including France, so we could be Americans too ? Do you think there is any chance ? It would be great ! I think i will pray for it !

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

Ah, I meant, I thought True Christians ™ could only be Americans... and 100% caucasians.

While most True Christians™ are indeed caucasian Americans, everyone can be Saved© if they want to.

Uh, something went to my mind: maybe you Americans should invade Europe, including France, so we could be Americans too ? Do you think there is any chance ?

No, there is a 0% chance we will waste any time on invading France to make them Americans.

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

I'm kind ofa True Christian ™ .
I'm french (sorry, I didn't choose to be).

I'm suffering from a desease i don't remenber the name, but it seems that i'm always loosing something, that i can't remenber what, most of time.

So i met Jesus in France (yes, sometimes, he goes there too, for holidays, I suppose: very strange, but you know, God's ways...), but i can't remember more of the story.

So, what else ?

I'm glad to be here, very funny and friendly place, with good looking people !

I be thinkin you is suffrin from the disease of da Hebrews, too much hair, butt faced ugly and French. Put dat on yo filter fish and eat it Jew Boy!
Welcome to da forums.

[Davidsky]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

While most True Christians™ are indeed caucasian Americans, everyone can be Saved© if they want to.

Wonderful ! So I can be Saved© if I am not !
I think I am Saved© but maybe I am not...

Please, My Dear Brother Cranky, could you tell me how I can really be sure that I will spend Eternity in Heaven, I would be very kind of you ?

I would like so much to get this beautiful logo you True Christians™ have in this forum: it is so impressive !

No, there is a 0% chance we will waste any time on invading France to make them Americans.

Oh... I am very very disappointed... I beg your pardon, My Dear Brother Cranky, but how can you be so sure ?

Please can you show me the Scriptures you rely on to say that ?
As we say in France:

"If it is written, it is written.
If it is not written, it is not !"

And, forgive me if i bother you with so many questions, but another thing seems very strange to me: how can a True Christians™ like obviously you are can have so long hair ?
I thought long hair were not appropriate for True Christian Males™, as it is written:

Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?

1 Corinthians 11:14

As I said, I think your beard is very gorgeous, and sounds also totally Biblical, but what about your hair ?
Sorry about that, but you look so gay (oh, Lord, have mercy!) on this picture, I am kind of shocked, Sir Brother Cranky !

Thank you in advance for bringing me (free of charge!) the light of your wisdom !

[Levi Jones]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

Wonderful ! So I can be Saved© if I am not !
I think I am Saved© but maybe I am not...

Please, My Dear Brother Cranky, could you tell me how I can really be sure that I will spend Eternity in Heaven, I would be very kind of you ?

Start by praying the Sinner's Prayer.

Dear Lord in Heaven, I know that I have sinned against you and I am not worthy to lick Your sandal strap. My evil thoughts and feelings separate me from You. I beseech You to forgive this worthless sinner. Please don't strike me dead here and now. I humbly beg you to help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your Son, Jesus Christ who is You, died temporarily for my sins. He was raised from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayers. I beg Jesus/You to become my Savior and the Lord of my life, to imprint Your Word into my mind so I don't have to think anymore. Please send your Holy Spirit to make me obey You and to make me feel guilty when I sin. My greatest purpose in life is to follow your example even though that's impossible, as you never sinned and I am lower than a dung beetle. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Oh... I am very very disappointed... I beg your pardon, My Dear Brother Cranky, but how can you be so sure ?

Because if America was going to conquer France, we would have done it during WWII, when instead we selflessly saved your bacon yet again.

And, forgive me if i bother you with so many questions, but another thing seems very strange to me: how can a True Christians™ like obviously you are can have so long hair ?
I thought long hair were not appropriate for True Christian Males™, as it is written:

You consider that long?
That's not even shoulder length.

Thank you in advance for bringing me (free of charge!) the light of your wisdom !

Speaking of, that's the next step in your Salvation®. You need to get Baptized and set up a generous tithing plan to a True Christian™ Church like Landover Baptist and quit stealing from Jesus, Christ Killer.

Malachi 3:7-12
Even from the days of your fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept them. Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the LORD of hosts. But ye said, Wherein shall we return? Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts.
And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts.

[Davidsky]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

I be thinkin you is suffrin from the disease of da Hebrews, too much hair, butt faced ugly and French. Put dat on yo filter fish and eat it Jew Boy!

Good morning, My Dear Mrs Valvoline Johnson !

Wise advise you are giving me (and free of charge: I do really appreciate!), and I will follow it as soon as my mother is back home: hmmm, I can already smell the wonderfull smell of her cooking !

We would be so glad to have you at lunch or diner one of these days, If you come to France: it would be an great honor !

Welcome to da forums.

Thank you so much for you warm and friendly welcome, My Dear Mrs Valvoline, I did not deserve it, but obviously, you have a big heart and a gracious spirit, and it is rare in this cruel world.
I can tell you, you are a precious person, and a blessing for my soul, may the Lord Himself bless you mightily and abundantly, Sweetheart !

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

Good morning, My Dear Mrs Valvoline Johnson !

Wise advise you are giving me (and free of charge: I do really appreciate!), and I will follow it as soon as my mother is back home: hmmm, I can already smell the wonderfull smell of her cooking !

We would be so glad to have you at lunch or diner one of these days, If you come to France: it would be an great honor !



Thank you so much for you warm and friendly welcome, My Dear Mrs Valvoline, I did not deserve it, but obviously, you have a big heart and a gracious spirit, and it is rare in this cruel world.
I can tell you, you are a precious person, and a blessing for my soul, may the Lord Himself bless you mightily and abundantly, Sweetheart !

Course it be free o charge cause I ain't no Joo lady lookin to make a quick buck on no-body!
I ain't eatin da Joo slop no how. Lawd, you cain't even tell whatcha got on da plate fo Gawd sake!
And I ain't comin to no France cause I is gittin ready for da resurrection of my personal Lawd and Sabuior, Jeezuz Christ.
Ross Dress fo Less is havin a big sale and we gotta git new close fo da twins Velvateen an Velveeta fo Church. France indeed
An by da way, I is MIz Johnson to you!

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: Hello brothers and sisters !

As we say in France:

RETREAT!

Fixed it there for ya, pierre.