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  • Marian Cothersby
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Mar 2010
    • 2
    #1

    Finally worked out how to use this internets.



    I was down at the rectory reading verse to some unfortunate colored boys when all of a sudden our beloved pastor burst in to our Bible study, claiming there was an illegitimate website claiming to be a church.

    Well 'course I grabbed my walker and scooted in to see what all the fuss was about. By then of course all the colored boys had scattered, as they've got a nat'ral aversion to the Holy Word of Lord Jesus Christ (Lord, bless them).

    Anyway, I took a look at this here internet machine and wouldn't you know it! The Landover Baptist Church is what he was makin' such a fuss over. Couldn't believe it. I just knew I had to have someone help me fix up this internet box so I could chat with all you lovely, saved souls.

    I'm Marian Cothersby, and pleased to meet ya'll.

    James 2:17
    Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
    Tags: None
    • Professor Bessemer
      Professor of Creation Science at Landover University
      Certified Ex-Gay Program Graduate
      Darwin's Worst Nightmare
      True Christian™
      • May 2009
      • 2952
      #2
      Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

      Originally posted by Marian Cothersby View Post


      I was down at the rectory reading verse to some unfortunate colored boys when all of a sudden our beloved pastor burst in to our Bible study, claiming there was an illegitimate website claiming to be a church.

      Well 'course I grabbed my walker and scooted in to see what all the fuss was about. By then of course all the colored boys had scattered, as they've got a nat'ral aversion to the Holy Word of Lord Jesus Christ (Lord, bless them).

      Anyway, I took a look at this here internet machine and wouldn't you know it! The Landover Baptist Church is what he was makin' such a fuss over. Couldn't believe it. I just knew I had to have someone help me fix up this internet box so I could chat with all you lovely, saved souls.

      I'm Marian Cothersby, and pleased to meet ya'll.

      James 2:17
      Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
      Welcome Marian! You are truly blessed to have found us on the godless internets! What with all of the pornography, gambling, and liberal media website pages, we are but a tiny beacon of faith in an otherwise godless sea of filth!

      Tell us more about yourself my dear! How many sons have birthed for your Godly husband? Does he approve of your internets usage?
      Professor of Creation Science and Flood Geology at Landover Baptist University


      sigpic

      Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!

      Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21

        Comment

        • TheLordSavedMe
          A young lady servicing the Lord
          True Christian™
          • Jun 2009
          • 579
          #3
          Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

          Hi Marian!

          The internet is a scary place!

          They even have a place where you can find out when you're gonna die!

          The Death Clock - When Am I Going To Die?
          http://www.deathclock.com/
          Death Clock: The Internet's friendly reminder that life is slipping away...


          Don't click the link unless you want to know when God is going to strike you down!

          Tammi


          Girls, do you have embarrassing "problems" with your down there parts like I used to?           Reverend Jim Osborne can help!


          sigpic

          He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he. Deuteronomy 32-4

            Comment

            • Levi Jones
              Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics
              Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood
              Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
               
              • Jul 2009
              • 13930
              #4
              Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

              Originally posted by Marian Cothersby View Post


              Anyway, I took a look at this here internet machine and wouldn't you know it! The Landover Baptist Church is what he was makin' such a fuss over. Couldn't believe it. I just knew I had to have someone help me fix up this internet box so I could chat with all you lovely, saved souls.

              I'm Marian Cothersby, and pleased to meet ya'll.

              James 2:17
              Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
              Hello and welcome. Interesting choice of Scripture. I have always found Paul's letters to be so incredibly inspirational. Much more so than James.

              Romans 1:17-18
              For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.
              For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;
              Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

                Comment

                • Bob4God
                  Moderator
                  Arms Dealer for CHRIST
                  Hands folded for Jesus
                   
                  • Apr 2008
                  • 5274
                  #5
                  Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                  Are you a papist? Aren't rectories papist? (I don't think we have to guess as to why the CATHOLICS would call it such.)
                  sigpic
                  The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
                  - Proverbs 15:3

                  CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


                  CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


                    Comment

                    • James Hutchins
                      True Christian™
                      Just a Regular Nice Guy
                       
                      • Jun 2009
                      • 29453
                      #6
                      Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                      Hello Marian. Where is your Husband?
                      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                        Comment

                        • Pastor Ezekiel
                          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                           
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 78555
                          #7
                          Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                          Welcome to God's favorite forum, ma'am. Please tell us about yourself. It is always inspiring to hear the testimony of how folks came to find Christ.
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • Cranky Old Man
                              Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                              You kids get off his lawn!
                               
                              • Jan 2010
                              • 22371
                              #8
                              Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                              Welcome to our friendly forum Marian Cothersby!
                              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                                Comment

                                • BelieverInGod
                                  Fourm Member
                                  Forum Member
                                  • Feb 2010
                                  • 9269
                                  #9
                                  Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                                  Welcome Sister.

                                  It's always good to have a new face around here to share in Gods blessings.
                                  Drama queen

                                    Comment

                                    • Marian Cothersby
                                      Unsaved trash
                                      Under Investigation
                                      • Mar 2010
                                      • 2
                                      #10
                                      Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                                      Hello again, brothers and sisters.

                                      My husband has passed, bless his soul.

                                      I'm just a good-hearted woman doing the best I can to spread the word of my Lord and Savior in every way I can. There is one true Bible, and we must share the word by any means necessary. It is a message that everyone needs to hear.

                                        Comment

                                        • Staring_Emma
                                          Unsaved trash, teenaged harlot
                                          • Mar 2010
                                          • 5
                                          #11
                                          Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                                          Originally posted by Marian Cothersby View Post


                                          I was down at the rectory reading verse to some unfortunate colored boys when all of a sudden our beloved pastor burst in to our Bible study, claiming there was an illegitimate website claiming to be a church.

                                          Well 'course I grabbed my walker and scooted in to see what all the fuss was about. By then of course all the colored boys had scattered, as they've got a nat'ral aversion to the Holy Word of Lord Jesus Christ (Lord, bless them).

                                          Anyway, I took a look at this here internet machine and wouldn't you know it! The Landover Baptist Church is what he was makin' such a fuss over. Couldn't believe it. I just knew I had to have someone help me fix up this internet box so I could chat with all you lovely, saved souls.

                                          I'm Marian Cothersby, and pleased to meet ya'll.

                                          James 2:17
                                          Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
                                          Lil' black children like to play games... like "Hide from the KKK" the object is to not have your parents hung and your house burned down by racist white folk who think that Jesus says it's okay to kill black people.
                                          Jude 1:17 But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
                                          1:18 How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
                                          1:19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

                                            Comment

                                            • Petal
                                              LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Sep 2006
                                              • 991
                                              #12
                                              Re: Finally worked out how to use this internets.

                                              Originally posted by Staring_Emma View Post
                                              Lil' black children like to play games... like "Hide from the KKK" the object is to not have your parents hung and your house burned down by racist white folk who think that Jesus says it's okay to kill black people.
                                              Miss.Emma, is that game like the 'hide from the catlick sausage' game that baptist boys plays? it be a real wierd game, one boy be 'father' an the other boys be 'atlar meats'. i never ever see how the game be playeds cuz them boys not allow us girls to plays wiv them but you can hears when they plays cuz there be lots an lots of wierd noises an squeaky liddle squeaks an stuff

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