Greetings

[Agnostic Interloper]

Dear Christian Folk,

I'll be honest with you. I am not a believer in God. I was raised by C of E parents but found the whole doctrine confusing and inconsistent and found myself turned to science. I have, however, been lurking on your forum for a while now and have been inspired by the solid and consistent approach taken here to the worship of God and the study of his Word.

I am aware that you do not welcome the Unsaved into your house but I hope that if I listen quietly, with respect, you may allow me to linger. Until, that is, the time comes when I am consigned to the pits of Hell.

Agnostic Interloper.

[SUV]

Re: Greetings

Aggie, why are you making baby Jesus cry?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Greetings

Why do you mock God with your atheism?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Greetings

Dear Christian Folk,

I'll be honest with you. I am not a believer in God. I was raised by C of E parents but found the whole doctrine confusing and inconsistent and found myself turned to science. I have, however, been lurking on your forum for a while now and have been inspired by the solid and consistent approach taken here to the worship of God and the study of his Word.

I am aware that you do not welcome the Unsaved into your house but I hope that if I listen quietly, with respect, you may allow me to linger. Until, that is, the time comes when I am consigned to the pits of Hell.

Agnostic Interloper.

Our patience with the unsaved is legendary, as long as these heathens realize that God has no patience for those who reject Him.

And they shall be afraid: pangs and sorrows shall take hold of them; they shall be in pain as a woman that travaileth: they shall be amazed one at another; their faces shall be as flames.

Behold, the day of the LORD cometh, cruel both with wrath and fierce anger, to lay the land desolate: and he shall destroy the sinners thereof out of it.
Isaiah 13:8-10

As you claim to be an agnostic, you have yet to completely reject Jesus and His temporary death on the cross. Because of this, we will strive to teach you how to accept the Lord as your personal saviour.

But be warned friend, both the True Christians™ of Landover and God Himself will reject you outright is you choose to mock Him on our holy forum.

[Agnostic Interloper]

Re: Greetings

As you claim to be an agnostic, you have yet to completely reject Jesus and His temporary death on the cross. Because of this, we will strive to teach you how to accept the Lord as your personal saviour.

As you say, I have not rejected Jesus - I feel I was driven from him and his teachings by false "interpretations".

But be warned friend, both the True Christians™ of Landover and God Himself will reject you outright is you choose to mock Him on our holy forum.

Mockery is the last thing on my mind. I would not waste your time, or mine.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Greetings

As you say, I have not rejected Jesus - I feel I was driven from him and his teachings by false "interpretations".

If you are referring to bastardizations of God's perfect Word, the KJV 1611 Bible, then we are in agreement. Tell me, what would it take to get you to give your soul to Jesus this very day friend?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings

Dear Christian Folk,

I'll be honest with you. I am not a believer in God. I was raised by C of E parents but found the whole doctrine confusing and inconsistent and found myself turned to science. I have, however, been lurking on your forum for a while now and have been inspired by the solid and consistent approach taken here to the worship of God and the study of his Word.

Well that explains everything. The C of E is a false Christian church, so it's no wonder you were left confused and befuddled by the experience. You don't know any more about True Christianity(tm) right now than the average Hare Krishna. The C of E is positively demonic.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings

Friend, you seem like a easy going sort. Let me ask you, if I had a party and you were there, would you mind if I introduced you to my friends.
Look, there is Zeke, Mr. Dewitt, COM, Brother Nobar, Sister M&M, SUV. There goes Professor Bessemer, chatting up a storm to Billy Joe. Hey, there seems to be some sort of huddle going on in the corner, let's go over and see what all the excitement is! Why look, it is God, telling a few jokes, granting a few prayers.
Now doesn't that sound like a lot of fun. With the way you present yourself, you make it seem like you'd leave the party because He was there. Isn't that a bit racist and narrow minded? I think, once you listen to everything Jesus has to tell you, you will get a crystal clear picture of True Salvation®.

[Agnostic Interloper]

Re: Greetings

If you are referring to bastardizations of God's perfect Word, the KJV 1611 Bible, then we are in agreement. Tell me, what would it take to get you to give your soul to Jesus this very day friend?

That is exactly what I am referring to Professor! But I am not sure I am ready to be saved. I know little of the teachings of Jesus. Do I not need to study?

[Agnostic Interloper]

Re: Greetings

Well that explains everything. The C of E is a false Christian church, so it's no wonder you were left confused and befuddled by the experience. You don't know any more about True Christianity™ right now than the average Hare Krishna. The C of E is positively demonic.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

Thank you for your welcome Pastor Ezekiel I truly hope that now I have discovered your house I can overcome the difficulties of my upbringing and learn to love the Word exactly as written in King James 1611.

[Agnostic Interloper]

Re: Greetings

Friend, you seem like a easy going sort. Let me ask you, if I had a party and you were there, would you mind if I introduced you to my friends.
Look, there is Zeke, Mr. Dewitt, COM, Brother Nobar, Sister M&M, SUV. There goes Professor Bessemer, chatting up a storm to Billy Joe. Hey, there seems to be some sort of huddle going on in the corner, let's go over and see what all the excitement is! Why look, it is God, telling a few jokes, granting a few prayers.
Now doesn't that sound like a lot of fun. With the way you present yourself, you make it seem like you'd leave the party because He was there. Isn't that a bit racist and narrow minded? I think, once you listen to everything Jesus has to tell you, you will get a crystal clear picture of True Salvation®.

Why no Mr Hutchins! I would love to listen to His Word! Around my parts, you see, I have only had His Word translated, as it were, by Chinese Whispers. It's all been very confusing until now!

[SUV]

Re: Greetings

I have only had His Word translated, as it were, by Chinese Whispers. It's all been very confusing until now!

Just think of how I, with the tiny intellect of a woman, must feel in trying to decipher this.

Chinese Whispers?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings

Why no Mr Hutchins! I would love to listen to His Word! Around my parts, you see, I have only had His Word translated, as it were, by Chinese Whispers. It's all been very confusing until now!

What!? You're surrounded by chinks?

I'll tell you what to say, and you'd better shout it at them loud: BAKAYARO!!

I spend plenty of time over in the ornamental countries, bringing God's Holy Word to the slopes. I know what makes them tick.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings

Slant yapping? All sounds the same to me, like a bunch of nickels on a cement floor. American son, speak Godly American.