Greetings

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Hello to all,

I have had some unfortunate encounters with the devil recently that have left me feeling lost. Therefore, I have decided to seek Salvation. Are English people eligible for his holiness?

Colbert

[Levi Jones]

Re: Greetings

We have had the occasional godly Brit, but it's not very often. Most of them are hell bound cancers like that noodle-head pirate who occasionally darkens our doorstep.

Tell us more. What Church do you attend? What is your favorite verse from the Bible?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings

Hello to all,

I have had some unfortunate encounters with the devil recently that have left me feeling lost. Therefore, I have decided to seek Salvation.

This is supposed to be an introduction thread. Please tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to do battle with satan.

Are English people eligible for his holiness?

Colbert

I'm not sure who you're referring to. There are no such titles in God's favorite Church.

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Re: Greetings

I am the reverend for a small church in northern London (St. Thaddeus).

My favourite verse simply has to be Timothy 2:12. It sums up one of the most important aspects of Christianity which is so often forgotten these days. Thankfully the pirate has been ousted from power, and we now have a Godly Conservative in power, however, I have my suspicion he may be a lieberal Judas.

Colbert

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Re: Greetings

My sincere apologies for the double post.

I poorly phrased that. I meant "receive his holiness".

I have done battle with satan recently when the devil's servants phoned the police after hearing one of my sermons. The police, misguided in their efforts, threw me into jail. While I was incarcerated, I had an unholy incident forced upon me while I was showering. That is why I seek salvation™.

[Nobar King]

Re: Greetings

I have done battle with satan recently when the devil's servants phoned the police after hearing one of my sermons. The police, misguided in their efforts, threw me into jail.

Are you going to tell us what happened, or is this a kind of guessing game like 20 questions?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Greetings

Timothy 2:12. It sums up one of the most important aspects of Christianity which is so often forgotten these days.

They are both great scriptures.

1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

2 Timothy 2:12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Re: Greetings

Are you going to tell us what happened, or is this a kind of guessing game like 20 questions?

I was speaking of how Islam is a false religion, and how anyone who follows it will be thrown into the pits of Hell. I was subsequently arrested under our "Anti-terror" laws for "inciting racial hatred". They obviously do not know of the LORD's message about the descendants of Shem.

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Greetings

I was speaking of how Islam is a false religion, and how anyone who follows it will be thrown into the pits of Hell. I was subsequently arrested under our "Anti-terror" laws for "inciting racial hatred". They obviously do not know of the LORD's message about the descendants of Shem.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

Well done, sir!

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Re: Greetings

Thank you brother, I knew that God was on my side throughout my hardship. I am affronted that the police in this country feel that they can seize a man of the Lord without consequence.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Greetings

Thank you brother, I knew that God was on my side throughout my hardship. I am affronted that the police in this country feel that they can seize a man of the Lord without consequence.

Thank you for warning us of this travesty. We will pray for England's destruction.

[HTannor]

Re: Greetings

While I was incarcerated, I had an unholy incident forced upon me while I was showering. That is why I seek salvation™.

A tragic story, Mr. McPherson, tragic.



I'll try to put this delicately since you are still recovering from the 'incident".



Have you been monitoring yourself for any of the following:

Are you having any trouble keeping your wrists stiff?

Do you pause in front of the windows in the fag shops in your neighborhood admiring the leather chaps and vests?

When you stop by the pub, do you look longingly at the drinks with little umbrellas in them?

Are you secretly listening to Boy George music?

Do your closets feel rather "comfy" and do you want to stay in them?

Are you starting to feel all warm and fuzzy when you hear the word "queer."

[Colbert Mcpherson]

Re: Greetings

A tragic story, Mr. McPherson, tragic.



I'll try to put this delicately since you are still recovering from the 'incident".



Have you been monitoring yourself for any of the following:

Are you having any trouble keeping your wrists stiff?

Do you pause in front of the windows in the fag shops in your neighborhood admiring the leather chaps and vests?

When you stop by the pub, do you look longingly at the drinks with little umbrellas in them?

Are you secretly listening to Boy George music?

Do your closets feel rather "comfy" and do you want to stay in them?

Are you starting to feel all warm and fuzzy when you hear the word "queer."

I can assure you I am in no way shape or form an uncouth gaylord. All I need is the warmth of Jesus inside of me!

[Brother Alex]

Re: Greetings

I can assure you I am in no way shape or form an uncouth gaylord. All I need is the warmth of Jesus inside of me!

I still think you should take a look at our Ex-Gay program just to be sure. You don't have the AIDS, do you?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings

I can assure you I am in no way shape or form an uncouth gaylord. All I need is the warmth of Jesus inside of me!

You dress like one though. How do you explain that?