Can I ever be saved ?

[Andrew Barrick]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

Well, it look like your making progress. Keep it up. Secular liberals and damnable atheists may try to discourage you, but when they do, pull out your Bible, thump 'em on the head, and yell "Shoo, demon!" That'll teach them sinners. By the way, have you purchased the Plan of Salvation yet? You never know how much time you have. A Kennedy could drive right through the cave you live in any minute now.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

It is linked to Homeland Security computers. The very fact that your IP shows you are from outside the US means you have serious issues with Christ.

I can appreciate that (although it's amazing HS knows about fictional country IP ranges), but how they gathered intelligence about me not having had a shave this morning is rather scary.

I am so ashamed I'm not a US citizen. My country has betrayed you. Axis of weasel it is. How can we ever make up ?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

Afghanistan... mhmmm. I suppose I'd be a lot closer to my Maker over there, so that's a step up.

Question: how does the forum software know I'm unshaved trash ? Does it do bitmap recognition ?

It is linked to Homeland Security computers. The very fact that your IP shows you are from outside the US means you have serious issues with Christ.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

Afghanistan... mhmmm. I suppose I'd be a lot closer to my Maker over there, so that's a step up.

Question: how does the forum software know I'm unshaved trash ? Does it do bitmap recognition ?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

Alas no. Hellgium is a secular state Before that it was a Roman Catholic dump, so I don't have to explain to you ...

Maybe on the black market. I know that's technically a sin, but it's for the greater good I suppose. Or perhaps at NATO or SHAPE headquarters ?

Good point, if you can find your way to NATO headquarters, you may be able to find a decent Christian who'll take pity on you. Of course, they might just dump you in Afghanistan or somewhere, but it'd still be a step up.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

To some extent, but getting your hands on a King James Bible'd be even better. Are such things even legal in the socialist hellhole you claim to inhabit?

Alas no. Hellgium is a secular state Before that it was a Roman Catholic dump, so I don't have to explain to you ...

Maybe on the black market. I know that's technically a sin, but it's for the greater good I suppose. Or perhaps at NATO or SHAPE headquarters ?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

Thank you for the quick reply Brother, as I am a lost soul, as you can imagine. Wikipedia tries to convince you & me that there is already one Belgium, but that's just a hoax. I honestly don't know who writes those pages, but they are deluded.

I'll repent. Would trying to get a green card be a good start ?

To some extent, but getting your hands on a King James Bible'd be even better. Are such things even legal in the socialist hellhole you claim to inhabit?

[Wide-Open]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

If you repent of your Belgian depravity, all will be well. Denying the Holy Ghost is one thing, but I don't think Christ has anything in particular against those from fictional countries. The image of two Belgiums is a pretty scary one - the world's in a bad enough state today, with no Belgiums, imagine how much worse off we'd be with two more!

Thank you for the quick reply Brother, as I am a lost soul, as you can imagine. Wikipedia tries to convince you & me that there is already one Belgium, but that's just a hoax. I honestly don't know who writes those pages, but they are deluded.

I'll repent. Would trying to get a green card be a good start ?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Can I ever be saved ?

I'm from Belgium, that's why I ask. Well, soon there will be two Belgiums, which will even be worse.

Your help will be appreciated, although I am obviously not worthy.

If you repent of your Belgian depravity, all will be well. Denying the Holy Ghost is one thing, but I don't think Christ has anything in particular against those from fictional countries. The image of two Belgiums is a pretty scary one - the world's in a bad enough state today, with no Belgiums, imagine how much worse off we'd be with two more!

[Wide-Open]

I'm from Belgium, that's why I ask. Well, soon there will be two Belgiums, which will even be worse.

Your help will be appreciated, although I am obviously not worthy.