Praise Jesus!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Praise Jesus!

There are so many inspirational Bible passages that I like to read and review, it's difficult for me to pick just one. There is a particular verse that stands out to me, as it illustrates how fair and just God is to His people:

For, behold, the LORD will come with fire, and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire. (Isaiah 66:15)

Thank you for the delightful conversation. I look forward to learning from each and every one of you.

Praise Jesus! I hope any unsaved trash reading this thread find your posting inspirational. Just think, silent lurkers: If an addle-headed woman living on a sodomite-riddled mountain somewhere can get Saved, read the Bible and post in a coherent fashion, why can't you?

[VictoryOS]

Re: Praise Jesus!

It makes my heart happy to receive such a welcome from so many good Christian folks! This forum is a wonderful refuge from the hedonistic devil-worshippers that make up the majority of people I see these days.

Thank you Seeker for the advice. I was afraid the Pentecostal gentleman may have nothing more than garden snake, less than a black snake even. The time I spent with him could be better used reading the Bible and quietly humming hymns to myself.

Pastor Billy-Reuben, I live in Tennessee on top of the mountain. It seems the thin mountain air must lighten the blood, allowing demons of despair to enter the brain. That's the only logical reason I can come up with for the fact that my town has been overrun lately with hellions and those goth kids, not to mention sodomites and Episcopalians. I'm glad the picture you posted was taken before those two heathens ripped the skirts off each other and began sodomizing. And to think they did it outdoors, under the intensely watchful eye of The Lord!

There are so many inspirational Bible passages that I like to read and review, it's difficult for me to pick just one. There is a particular verse that stands out to me, as it illustrates how fair and just God is to His people:

For, behold, the LORD will come with fire, and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire. (Isaiah 66:15)

Thank you for the delightful conversation. I look forward to learning from each and every one of you.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Thank you for the warm welcome Seeker and Brother Ezekiel.

I don't blame Brother Ezekiel for missing that part of my message. I'm sure he is a busy man spreading the Word of God and has limited time.

Especially when it comes to reading things written by women. Praise Jesus and welcome aboard. You're probably best off ignoring everything Seeker has to say, she's a drunk harlot with rocks in her head. Otherwise, welcome, and I hope you learn a lot during your time here. You seem to have the right attitude, anyway. What's your favorite Bible verse?

[Nobar King]

Re: Praise Jesus!

at least he's proudly displaying his favorite bible verse on his skirt.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Welcome, Sister. That's some powerful testimony you got there. The LORD is so GOOD.

I find the churches here in the Appalachian Mountains to be too liberal for my standards.

Amen to that. I live in the foothills rather than up in the mountains, and we are a sight more conservative, I'll tell you what. I'm not sure what part of the Appalachians you live in, but I know that here in North Carolina, the mountains are full of Scottish Presbyterians who like to put on plaid flannel skirts like drag queens and wrestle in the mud.


How in the world is this foolishness supposed to bring them closer to Jesus?

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Seeker]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Thank you for the warm welcome Seeker and Brother Ezekiel.

I don't blame Brother Ezekiel for missing that part of my message. I'm sure he is a busy man spreading the Word of God and has limited time.

Yes, I'm looking for a husband. I've had a few suitors, but none have met my Christian standards. The only one who came close was a Pentacostal gentleman from town. I'm not sure I would want to handle his snake, however. That's a fear of mine.

Whoever I should marry, I hope he likes blueberry pie. My blueberry pie is so good, it could even drive Jesus to tears.

Well that is fine and dandy. You came to the right place to find a godly man. But if you ever try to flirt with SalvationSeeker, I will hunt you down with godly fear. And...


Now then. Don't look to Pennycostal fools. They do have very small harmless snakes. Trust me, I know first hand. My advice will save you some money on lawyer fee's.

Apple Pie, Apple Pie. That is the way to a man's heart. It is that warm, soft, and sensitive feeling they get with eating it. Blueberry is like frozen peas. It is only good when we take them to a Uralologist. (however you spell that)

Anything else I can help you with? Just call. I only like certian females.

[Nobar King]

Re: Praise Jesus!

You're not one of those hippy tree hugger feminist pie bakers pushing your HI-Anti-Oxidant blueberry pies are you? That type drives me crazy.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Thank you for the warm welcome Seeker and Brother Ezekiel.

I don't blame Brother Ezekiel for missing that part of my message. I'm sure he is a busy man spreading the Word of God and has limited time.

Yes, I'm looking for a husband. I've had a few suitors, but none have met my Christian standards. The only one who came close was a Pentacostal gentleman from town. I'm not sure I would want to handle his snake, however. That's a fear of mine.

Whoever I should marry, I hope he likes blueberry pie. My blueberry pie is so good, it could even drive Jesus to tears.

[Seeker]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Welcome friend. It sounds like you might fit right in here.

Do you have your husband's permission to be here on God's favorite forum?

What is his favorite pie?

I also hope to find a good Christian man to be my husband to raise a family in God's name

Welcome Victory.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Welcome friend. It sounds like you might fit right in here.

Do you have your husband's permission to be here on God's favorite forum?

What is his favorite pie?

[VictoryOS]

Praise the Lord, I am so happy to find this forum! It was only a year ago that I turned around my heathen ways and threw myself into the welcoming arms of Jesus. As a newly found woman of the Lord, I hope to use this website to help me maximize my worship and become more efficient in my praise. I also hope to find a good Christian man to be my husband to raise a family in God's name.

Recently, I decided to try to find an online community to share my intense love of Christ since I find the churches here in the Appalachian Mountains to be too liberal for my standards. How shocked I was to find so many Commies parading around these Internets, pretending to be Christians! In one forum, I was even told that Jesus wanted me to love gays, coloreds, and other perverted scum! I put on my caps lock and told them in no uncertain terms that they were all going to Hell in a shower of sparks and I hoped I could be there to point and laugh when it happens! Then I made 10 consecutive posts, each containing the lyrics to some of my favorite hymns. I hope that taught them the errors of their ways.

It was in a pool of my own vomit in the drunk tank of the county jail that I found Jesus. My life was turned around just like that. It seemed as though one minute I was at the local bar dancing, pressing my young firm body against the body of a female companion in rhythm to the pulsating devil's music pounding in my ears. Then the next minute I was on my knees in front of a preacher, begging for forgiveness from the Lord.

I hope I have found my online home here. Since I am new at this (and of course, since I'm but a stupid woman), please direct me in the ways of your fellowship if I should ever run against the rules. After this post, I will try to only speak when necessary because I know that is a woman's place.

Thank you for reading my post.