Bible Student pleased to meet you

[Bible Student]

As you might be able to tell from my name, I am a student of the scriptures. Now to be perfectly honest with you fine upstanding True Christian folks (and even you not so Christian folks), I do not at present own a 1611 King James Bible. Unfortunately the good Lord has not found me worthy to accumulate the approximately $521,000 in godly American money the last time one appear on an auction block. Not surprising considering only 50 of them exist in the entire world. However to my credit I did have the opportunity to peruse one of those original 1611 volumes in a private collection in the mid to late 1970s. I also read one of the remaining Gutenberg Bibles from the same collection during that time period. But we all know that the Gutenberg was seldom used as a translation aid for the KJV, so I hope you don't hold that against me. Consequently I must beg your forgiveness if I have to resort to using an authentic exact replica of the first printing of the 1611 King James Bible instead. I know how important using the proper 1611 King James Bible is to you True Christian men an women.

As an aside, I have noticed that while a few of your fine, charming True Christian women do quote from the real 1611 KJV, almost all of the men including your beloved pastors, PhDs, and elders often excerpt from the 1984 revision. This rather puzzles me. Am I wrong in assuming the 1611 KJV is right?

As for churches, I think I have been in just about every denomination's and religion's church that exists (and some from religions that no longer exist), even a Joos' sinagogue, except for a Mudslim mosque and a Boodist temple.

As some of you can tell, one of my favorite scriptural verses comes from II Peter 1:4. Another is II Kings 2:23-24. It serves those 42 persnickety, sinful children right getting eaten by two she bears for mocking Elisha even if he was a dwarfish, funny looking bald old man. Apparently many godless parents spared far too many instructional rods. Don't get me wrong. I love children especially those who devote hours of their day quietly studying god breathed words and respecting their parents and other elders. Though I expect they should also dance and play hard too.

I got a late start finding Jesus. Primarily because at the age of one and a half I spent the next seven years as a child in a hospital not dying from a fatal disease. So at eight and a half I finally found baby Jesus in a manger under the first Christmas tree I ever saw. It was in our living room. He even had a Lionel train circling around him (and the kings and shepherds and Mary and Joseph and angels and animals). It is not so surprising that I only found Jesus at that advanced age because I never even saw a real live girl my own age until I got out of the hospital. After that my parents took me with them to church. And when I finally went to the fifth grade I won my very own glow in the dark, plastic Jesus for selling the most Easter Seals. I also won his mother Mary. She too glowed in the dark.

The End.

If there are any questions you have, feel free to ask me.

[Petal]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

welcome to our forums, Mr.BibleStudents!

And when I finally went to the fifth grade I won my very own glow in the dark, plastic Jesus for selling the most Easter Seals.

i prays that lord God forgives me, cuz i be covetings your plastick glow-in-the darks Jesus

I also won his mother Mary. She too glowed in the dark.

i not be covetings her, cuz she only glows in the darks cuz she be one of them radioacktive cathlick folk

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

Hello Bible Student, welcome to God's Favorite Forum(tm)!

I'm a little confused as to why you feel the need to purchase one of the original 50 KJV Bibles printed. If we look to the book of Jeremiah we see plainly that God doesn't particularly care about original documents, so long as the message is conveyed.

"So the king sent Jehudi to fetch the roll: and he took it out of Elishama the scribe's chamber. And Jehudi read it in the ears of the king, and in the ears of all the princes which stood beside the king." Jeremiah 36:21

Here is the roll Jeremiah has originally written. Lets call it Original #1.

"And it came to pass, that when Jehudi had read three or four leaves, he cut it with the penknife, and cast it into the fire that was on the hearth, until all the roll was consumed in the fire that was on the hearth." Jeremiah 36:23

Original #1 gets destroyed.

"Then took Jeremiah another roll, and gave it to Baruch the scribe, the son of Neriah; who wrote therein from the mouth of Jeremiah all the words of the book which Jehoiakim king of Judah had burned in the fire: and there were added besides unto them many like words." Jeremiah 36:32

Jeremiah makes a copy of Original #1. He's close enough to the source where I think it would be fair to call it Original #2. Jeremiah 45-51 goes on to show us what was on the scroll.

"The word which Jeremiah the prophet commanded Seraiah the son of Neriah, the son of Maaseiah, when he went with Zedekiah the king of Judah into Babylon in the fourth year of his reign. And this Seraiah was a quiet prince. So Jeremiah wrote in a book all the evil that should come upon Babylon, even all these words that are written against Babylon. And Jeremiah said to Seraiah, When thou comest to Babylon, and shalt see, and shalt read all these words;" Jeremiah 51:59-61

Jeremiah gives Original #2 to Seraiah and tells him to read it when he goes to Babylon. But then this happens!

"And it shall be, when thou hast made an end of reading this book, that thou shalt bind a stone to it, and cast it into the midst of Euphrates:" Jeremiah 51:63

So Original #2 gets destroyed, and this begs the question as to how we are able to read it in the Bible today. I think the answer to that question is God doesn't particularly care about the original documents, so long as the Word is preserved.

As an aside, I have noticed that while a few of your fine, charming True Christian women do quote from the real 1611 KJV, almost all of the men including your beloved pastors, PhDs, and elders often excerpt from the 1984 revision. This rather puzzles me. Am I wrong in assuming the 1611 KJV is right?

I assume you're referring to the NJKV? I can assure you that no True Christian(tm) would ever quote from that (per)version of the Bible. I mean, how can we relay what God's Word is if we don't quote from the original authorized KJV?

Take, for example, the verses in my signature:

"For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell." Proverbs 5:3-5 (KJV)

"For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, And her mouth is smoother than oil; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, Her steps lay hold of hell." Proverbs 5:3-5 (NKJV)

You can clearly see I've quoted the scripture in my signature correctly, just as every other True Christian(tm) does unless they're pointing out the differences between the true word of God and false translations.

Hope that helped!

[Bible Student]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

welcome to our forums, Mr.BibleStudents!

Thank you. I'm assuredly most happy to make your acquaintance. And to be on the fine, outstanding Christian forum.

i prays that lord God forgives me, cuz i be covetings your plastick glow-in-the darks Jesus

i not be covetings her, cuz she only glows in the darks cuz she be one of them radioacktive cathlick folk

Unfortunately I was an obedient child (naturally only after many, frequent collisions of my behind with that unsparing rod) and acquiesced to my parents insistence that I be brainwashed in the ungodly catolick cult. I don't want to offer this as an excuse but I didn't know any better and was ignorant about that Mary and statue worshiping cult.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

Welcome to our friendly forum!

It is always good to see a young mind polluted by evil Catholics moving in the right direction! Did you burn your glow-in-the-dark Jesus yet?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

That reminds me of a song, something about a Virgin Mary ridding on the dashboard of my car, covered in abalone shells. What movie was that from?

[Bible Student]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

Hello Bible Student, welcome to God's Favorite Forum™!

I'm a little confused as to why you feel the need to purchase one of the original 50 KJV Bibles printed. If we look to the book of Jeremiah we see plainly that God doesn't particularly care about original documents, so long as the message is conveyed.

"So the king sent Jehudi to fetch the roll: and he took it out of Elishama the scribe's chamber. And Jehudi read it in the ears of the king, and in the ears of all the princes which stood beside the king." Jeremiah 36:21

Here is the roll Jeremiah has originally written. Lets call it Original #1.

"And it came to pass, that when Jehudi had read three or four leaves, he cut it with the penknife, and cast it into the fire that was on the hearth, until all the roll was consumed in the fire that was on the hearth." Jeremiah 36:23

Original #1 gets destroyed.

"Then took Jeremiah another roll, and gave it to Baruch the scribe, the son of Neriah; who wrote therein from the mouth of Jeremiah all the words of the book which Jehoiakim king of Judah had burned in the fire: and there were added besides unto them many like words." Jeremiah 36:32

Jeremiah makes a copy of Original #1. He's close enough to the source where I think it would be fair to call it Original #2. Jeremiah 45-51 goes on to show us what was on the scroll.

"The word which Jeremiah the prophet commanded Seraiah the son of Neriah, the son of Maaseiah, when he went with Zedekiah the king of Judah into Babylon in the fourth year of his reign. And this Seraiah was a quiet prince. So Jeremiah wrote in a book all the evil that should come upon Babylon, even all these words that are written against Babylon. And Jeremiah said to Seraiah, When thou comest to Babylon, and shalt see, and shalt read all these words;" Jeremiah 51:59-61

Jeremiah gives Original #2 to Seraiah and tells him to read it when he goes to Babylon. But then this happens!

"And it shall be, when thou hast made an end of reading this book, that thou shalt bind a stone to it, and cast it into the midst of Euphrates:" Jeremiah 51:63

So Original #2 gets destroyed, and this begs the question as to how we are able to read it in the Bible today. I think the answer to that question is God doesn't particularly care about the original documents, so long as the Word is preserved.



I assume you're referring to the NJKV? I can assure you that no True Christian™ would ever quote from that (per)version of the Bible. I mean, how can we relay what God's Word is if we don't quote from the original authorized KJV?

Take, for example, the verses in my signature:

"For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell." Proverbs 5:3-5 (KJV)

"For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, And her mouth is smoother than oil; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, Her steps lay hold of hell." Proverbs 5:3-5 (NKJV)

You can clearly see I've quoted the scripture in my signature correctly, just as every other True Christian™ does unless they're pointing out the differences between the true word of God and false translations.

Hope that helped!

Thank you for taking the time to answer my post with a detailed and poignant reply. I'm going to have to ponder your answer.

As a first observation I can see why those translations differ in Proverbs 5:3-5. In fact Jerome's Latin Vulgate which was used extensively by the original KJV translators uses the Latin word for harlot in place of strange woman. In this case the original KJV translators accepted the catolick Duay Rheims translation which most of the time translated that word as alien or foreign. The Masoretic Texts used by the translators of the KJV for their Hebrew uses zoor which means strange as in alien. But because the Greek Septuagint used phaule gunaiki which means foul or wicked woman and it closely matched the Hebrew word zri found the Dead Sea Scrolls fragments and it mean evil too. It seems to be a question of which came first -- the chicken or the egg. Of course we know that Genesis tells us the chicken came first but there you have it.

[Bible Student]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

Welcome to our friendly forum!

It is always good to see a young mind polluted by evil Catholics moving in the right direction! Did you burn your glow-in-the-dark Jesus yet?

I am simply astounded that you asked that question. Coincidences really do happen, sometimes for the better. My glow in the dark Jesus had been taken away from me all because of an accident. It wasn't my fault really.

A few years after winning my two prized possessions, I discovered a magical substance called lighter fluid which my dad used to fill his Zippo. I thought perhaps I could make my plastic glow in the dark Mary's halo glow brighter if I doused it with lighter fluid and shed some light upon the subject. Did you know that plastic glow in the dark Mary statues don't hold up well when on fire? She had the temerity to melt on me. Who knew?

Directly after that my dad spared the rod alas he did not spare the belt. So to make a short story long, in the end through my end, I was unwittingly (I think by the loving grace of Jesus) saved from continuing that unholy behavior of worshiping statues.

[Bible Student]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

That reminds me of a song, something about a Virgin Mary ridding on the dashboard of my car, covered in abalone shells. What movie was that from?

I vaguely remember something about that too, Alas something in this case about as good as nothing. But it is on the tip of my tongue. I'll remember it most likely when I am asleep.

[GOD=life]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

Welcome, friend. If there is any place on the net where all your questions about the Bible and God can be answered, it's here!

One question, though: you stated that you spent years "not dying from a fatal disease". That's a contradiction in terms. Are you trying to say that your finding of Jesus coincided with recovering from a disease that would otherwise have been fatal if not for your finding of Jesus Christ and your acceptance of Him as your Savior?

Given your past apparent transgression with God at the age of 1.5, please do heed the following warning: accepting the KJV 1611 Bible as God's infallible Word is critically important in this whole process. God already gave you a clear warning back then, the next time would be strike #2.

[Bible Student]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

Welcome, friend. If there is any place on the net where all your questions about the Bible and God can be answered, it's here!

One question, though: you stated that you spent years "not dying from a fatal disease". That's a contradiction in terms. Are you trying to say that your finding of Jesus coincided with recovering from a disease that would otherwise have been fatal if not for your finding of Jesus Christ and your acceptance of Him as your Savior?

The disease was rare. Subsequent to my recovery as far as the medical books were concerned I was one of the first to have survived it. I would have been released from the hospital a few months earlier but as luck would have it I contracted Scarlet fever and that almost did me in too. Luckily penicillin had become a commercial success shortly before that time.

I do have to admit that I had never found Jesus until after I got out of the hospital. I never even heard of him. Never heard anything about any kind of religion or even non religion. But I did have a multitude of aunts and uncles and cousins who did know HIM and did pray to HIM on my behalf [I'm guessing in groups of two or more] and worked out some kind of deal on my behalf. In those days hospitals were not the warm fuzzy places they are today. Most of the patients in that hospital were children and a good majority of them died of polio, although I never contracted it. Surely the wages of sin were visited upon them because of their parents.

Thus visiting hours were very restrictive -- from 2 pm to 4 pm on the second Sunday of every other month. My family and my relatives lived clear across the state, a 6 or 7 hour drive and did not own cars. Thus I rarely saw anyone except hospital staff or some other patient's parents on occasion.

Given your past apparent transgression with God at the age of 1.5, please do heed the following warning: accepting the KJV 1611 Bible as God's infallible Word is critically important in this whole process. God already gave you a clear warning back then, the next time would be strike #2.

I hesitate to correct such an eminent person who holds the esteemed distinction of True Christian on this forum, but I am pretty sure the count is strike 6. I can only think that God wants me to stick around earth a bit to study more about his holy words. Otherwise there is no rational explanation (though heathens might Satanically credit science for it) of why I am still alive after 6 instances where I should have been dead. Though there is slim, serendipitous chance I might actually be a cat and still have three lives left.

So now you see why I am a Bible Student. I don't have all the answers yet. I'm not sure I know all the questions either, but that is another ball of wax.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

I vaguely remember something about that too, Alas something in this case about as good as nothing. But it is on the tip of my tongue. I'll remember it most likely when I am asleep.

I ain't scared doing 90, cause I got the Virgin Mary ridding on the dash board of my car. Yes thats the one , Cool Hand Luke.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

So now you see why I am a Bible Student. I don't have all the answers yet. I'm not sure I know all the questions either, but that is another ball of wax.

I can see that. you are not a Biblical scholar like many True Christians™ but as long as you follow every word of the Bible to the best of your ability, GOD will have a seat for you on your limousine ride to Heaven.

Please feel free to explore this website, leave no stone unturned, learn as much as you can about the infallible word of GOD, how long you choose to spend learning about His Greatness may be the difference between shaking hands with Jesus and George Bush or burning in hell with muslims.

I will be keeping a keen eye on you, Brother, don't let Jesus down.

[Bible Student]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

I can see that. you are not a Biblical scholar like many True Christians™ but as long as you follow every word of the Bible to the best of your ability, GOD will have a seat for you on your limousine ride to Heaven.

Please feel free to explore this website, leave no stone unturned, learn as much as you can about the infallible word of GOD, how long you choose to spend learning about His Greatness may be the difference between shaking hands with Jesus and George Bush or burning in hell with muslims.

I will be keeping a keen eye on you, Brother, don't let Jesus down.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I shall strive to make my mark as a True Christian some day.

I'm not making any headway with the stones however. I can't seem to find any anywhere. Are you sure you haven't used them all up at community stonings? This place seems to be filled from wall to wall with abominations that need the services of a good stoning followed by a hanging on a stake.

I've even seen pictures of some people dressed in wool suits, cotton shirts, silk ties and leather belts. That is worthy of being called an abomination if there ever was one.

Which George Bush is the forum's favorite, or is there even one? I get the impression that Ronnie is the all time accolade winner. Am I wrong? Am I reading too much into the fact that members sport bigger pictures of Ronnie?

I have to get this stuff right if I am going to be a Great American Patriot.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: Bible Student pleased to meet you

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I shall strive to make my mark as a True Christian some day.

Good luck, all the men here at Landover are right behind you.

I'm not making any headway with the stones however. I can't seem to find any anywhere. Are you sure you haven't used them all up at community stonings? This place seems to be filled from wall to wall with abominations that need the services of a good stoning followed by a hanging on a stake.

Although I agree with you on the point that there are a lot of abominations hanging around this part of the forum, I have to point out that this is just a forum, there is nowhere for the stones to be kept, if you want to stone someone visit the beach. Until you are a True Christian™, you will not be allowed to enter Freehold's stoning ranch.

I've even seen pictures of some people dressed in wool suits, cotton shirts, silk ties and leather belts. That is worthy of being called an abomination if there ever was one.

I agree wholeheartedly, fabrics should not be mixed under any circumstances, those who let fashion dictate their lives are weak individuals.

Which George Bush is the forum's favorite, or is there even one? I get the impression that Ronnie is the all time accolade winner. Am I wrong? Am I reading too much into the fact that members sport bigger pictures of Ronnie?

I don't know what you're reading, but if it isn't a Bible or George W. Bush's Decision Points then you need to get right with Jesus. Contrary to popular belief and what I keep shouting at my wife, size DOESN'T necessarily matter, it's what you do with it that counts. What I mean is pictures can be different sizes and displayed in different ways, a small picture of a baptist church in a Christian neighbourhood means more than a picture of the Taj Mahal on the wall of Bin Laden's cave, even though the Taj has a greater girth.

I have to get this stuff right if I am going to be a Great American Patriot.

Just know that George W. Bush was a great the greatest president and best Christian™, and it was a blow to the the American public when such a Godly man left the Whitehouse.