Born Again, Hi!

[Sam_the_saved]

Hi, I'm Samuel!

I'm a young man ready, willing and able to devote my life to Christ.

Sadly this was not always the case. Long before I saw the light I was involved in a terrible series of events that involved treachery, Godlessness and escaping from a Taiwanese prison during a monsoon, but lets not waste time talking about it now.

Those days, thanks to the Lord, are long behind, and I can only pray that they are forgiven in time. Until then, I punish myself for my sins nightly, and make sure to pray that the people I hurt live long, wholesome lives and never find me.

It's nice to meet you all and I hope I fit right in.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Welcome to our friendly family forum!

How exactly do you punish yourself?

[Sam_the_saved]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Welcome to our friendly family forum!

How exactly do you punish yourself?

Thank you very much.

I flagellate myself with a knot-tailed whip, typically twenty times an evening. I used to do many, many more however I was told by several allegedly "holy" men that self-flagellation was neither needed nor accepted by God. However as it remains highly possible that these men were nothing but false-Christians seeking to deceive me I have not entirely discontinued the practice.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Hi Sam, welcome!

I spoke with you a bit in a different thread, but allow me to extend an official "hello".

You can find a copy of the KJV Bible online here.

So tell us a little bit more about yourself. Have you found a suitable church since finding Jesus? What's your favorite Bible verse? Have any sons yet?

[Adilene]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Hi, I'm Samuel!

I'm a young man ready, willing and able to devote my life to Christ.

Sadly this was not always the case. Long before I saw the light I was involved in a terrible series of events that involved treachery, Godlessness and escaping from a Taiwanese prison during a monsoon, but lets not waste time talking about it now.

Those days, thanks to the Lord, are long behind, and I can only pray that they are forgiven in time. Until then, I punish myself for my sins nightly, and make sure to pray that the people I hurt live long, wholesome lives and never find me.

It's nice to meet you all and I hope I fit right in.

Hello! Welcome! It's nice to meet you. I'm Adilene.

[Sam_the_saved]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Hi Sam, welcome!

I spoke with you a bit in a different thread, but allow me to extend an official "hello".

You can find a copy of the KJV Bible online here.

So tell us a little bit more about yourself. Have you found a suitable church since finding Jesus? What's your favorite Bible verse? Have any sons yet?

"He is the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make his sword to approach unto him."
Job 19

The Book of Job is the text through which the Lord first spoke to me, and this verse truly shows the power He has over His creations, even the Behemoth.

Sadly I have only recently found God and he has yet to guide me to a suitable church. Perhaps, if I am not too bold to ask, you may point me in the right direction? I would be most grateful, as I already am for your link to the KJV Bible and again I thank you.

Since finding Jesus I have been blessed with no sons, although given my behaviour in my previous lifestyle it is not impossible that several already existt hough I have met none.

[Sam_the_saved]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Hi Sam, welcome!

I spoke with you a bit in a different thread, but allow me to extend an official "hello".

You can find a copy of the KJV Bible online here.

So tell us a little bit more about yourself. Have you found a suitable church since finding Jesus? What's your favorite Bible verse? Have any sons yet?

It is charming to meet you, Adilene. God bless.

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Thank you very much.

I flagellate myself with a knot-tailed whip, typically twenty times an evening. I used to do many, many more however I was told by several allegedly "holy" men that self-flagellation was neither needed nor accepted by God. However as it remains highly possible that these men were nothing but false-Christians seeking to deceive me I have not entirely discontinued the practice.

Samuel, before 1611 flagellation was acceptable to apease the Lord. If you still feel the need to severly punish yourself, it is now proper to turn your television on the 'Hallmark' station, remove the channel knob and burn it along with your remote. When the Lord catches a whiff of the burning Satanic items from his cloud of glory, he will squeal with delight! Glory!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Sam, it is nice to hear you punish yourself, saving God the trouble. I hope you have saved photographic proof of your flagellation sessions to remind yourself of the kind of sinner you are. Perhaps one day we can share pictures and discuss our sins. Getting things out in the open and lending a hand to a fellow Christian is always a good release for the soul.

I use one of these when I am just too taired after a day of minding the field workers

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Hi, I'm Samuel!

I'm a young man ready, willing and able to devote my life to Christ.

PRAISE!

In a time when we are seeing more and more of our Young People being Tempted from the Path, here is One who Says, "I Am Yours, Sweet Jesus!"

Your post has "made my day", Samuel. It makes all the work we do here feel worthwhile.

I am glad we could lead you to Jesus™

[Sam_the_saved]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

Sam, it is nice to hear you punish yourself, saving God the trouble. I hope you have saved photographic proof of your flagellation sessions to remind yourself of the kind of sinner you are. Perhaps one day we can share pictures and discuss our sins. Getting things out in the open and lending a hand to a fellow Christian is always a good release for the soul.

I use one of these when I am just too taired after a day of minding the field workers

I cannot express my gratitude at you showing my this. I have ordered one just now and eagerly await being able to punish myself under His watchful eye without the tedious stress and arm pain that I used to get.

Following my use of this holy contraption I shall promptly and happily share with you photographs of my wounds. Of course due to blood loss I tend to lose the ability to move for some time afterwards, so they may be belated pictures I am afraid.

[Bible Student]

Re: Born Again, Hi!

I cannot express my gratitude at you showing my this. I have ordered one just now and eagerly await being able to punish myself under His watchful eye without the tedious stress and arm pain that I used to get.

Following my use of this holy contraption I shall promptly and happily share with you photographs of my wounds. Of course due to blood loss I tend to lose the ability to move for some time afterwards, so they may be belated pictures I am afraid.

In your eagerness to obtain ecstasy through flagellation, please make sure you do not hurt yourself to the extent you can no longer study your 1611 King James Bible nor pray for a couple hours a day while kneeling with pea under each knee.