Jack's Introduction

[I Jack for JC]

Hi everybody, I'm Jack.

I have heard many wonderful things about the Landover Baptist Church and its members.

I wish to share with you my story.

I am currently without a church, here in Austin, Texas, due to a horrible misfortune that occurred. Our church shared your folks' enthusiasm for the literal interpretation of the Scriptures, and we actively campaigned against the godless heathens, homers, uppity negroes and nature-worshiping pagans. However, it seems that they were still Texans at heart, as they retaliated against us with violence. Almost our entire congregation was run down by homer pagans driving Priuses with bumper stickers espousing the Global Warming Agenda, leftist slogans, or stating that they voted for Barrack Obama. My wife and 12 sons were killed, and I was left with a terrible head injury from that devil-car which severely effects my memory and my ability to remember the holy words of the Scripture. However, the Lord saw fit to ensure that I was still capable of Righteous Judgment.

So, with my severely diminished mental capacity, I found myself on hard times, being unable to find honest Christian work, and unwilling to emulate those negroes by sucking off the government teat. But then, one day, as I was sitting on the street corner, cleaning my gun collection while reading my KJV Bible to try to relearn all the verses my head can no longer contain, I saw the vehicle which had run down my family passing in the street.

Clearly, the Lord had saw fit to give me the chance to pass Righteous Judgment on the tree-loving heathen. So I ran out into the street, waving Bible in one hand, .357 in the other, and ordered the godless vermin out of the car. At that point, it became obvious that not only was this a pagan, what with the long, unkempt dreadlocks, and a homer, with his fabulously coordinated outfit and meticulously manicured nails, but he was also an animal lover, for he had an animal costume in his car! Surely, he must use such a thing to sneak up on unsuspecting livestock and fornicate with them!

So, being the reasonable man that I am, I bludgeoned him about the head with the handle of my pistol, and took off in his devil-car. I then proceeded to a junkyard to dismantle it and sell off the parts to give as a tithe to my next church. Doing so filled me with such holy elation, that I knew this was to be my calling. Since then, I have dedicated myself to forcefully taking foreign "hybrid" cars from their America hating, godless owners, destroying them, and sending the proceeds to churches of True Christians.

Now, I know that you're thinking that only the negroes commit carjackings, which is still true. Since the proceeds from my taking of these cars does not go towards fried chicken, drugs or hippity hop music, the term carjacking does not properly apply. Therefore, I have dubbed it "Jesusjacking" since it is done in the name of Jesus.

I sincerely thank you all for reading my story, and I look forward to participating in the future discussions held by True Christians such as yourselves.

[Lisa H]

Re: Jack's Introduction

I think you should go back and read your bible again!

[I Jack for JC]

Re: Jack's Introduction

I think you should go back and read your bible again!

When I am not destroying foreign hippie cars, I am studying my bible or praying to the Lord to restore my ability to remember things. Unfortunately, the terrible wound to the head that I sustained causes the words to flow right back out like water poured into a spaghetti strainer. I suspect it is a wiccan curse which causes it, and I can only pray that the Lord sees fit to lift it from me.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Jack's Introduction

I didn't think a Prius was capable of killing anything. I hit a dog with one (it was a rental) and the car took more damage than the dog.

Anyway, did you miss the part of the Bible that tells us we must follow secular law?

Perhaps you need to refresh your knowledge of the Book of Romans?

[I Jack for JC]

Re: Jack's Introduction

My acts are not only punishing them for heresy, but for TREASON, and if they've purchased a Prius, they are clearly on the verge of stealing and selling national secrets to the muslins or the chinks. The laws give quite a bit of latitude to citizens who are acting to prevent such terrible crimes.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Jack's Introduction

Romans 13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
Romans 13:3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same:
Romans 13:4 For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.
Romans 13:5 Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake.
Romans 13:6 For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God's ministers, attending continually upon this very thing.

Titus 3:1 Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,

Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

1st Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
1st Peter 2:14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
1st Peter 2:15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:



Now please point out where our Government has said owning a Prius is treason.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Jack's Introduction

A real Christian wouldn't be out there committing crimes in the name of Christ like you.

Go back and read Romans 13 like BelieverInGod said.

[I Jack for JC]

Re: Jack's Introduction

A Prius is a vehicle manufactured by Toyota. Toyota is a Japanese company, run by chinks. By purchasing a Prius, you are in effect sending money to the godless Heathens who still do not embrace True Christian values, even after being subjugated by the Americans in World War II with the use of the Atom Bomb.

They continue to espouse their pagan views, and attempt to undermine the American economy even though we have a strong military presence in their country. They actively advertise their "environmentally friendly" devil cars to the pagan hippies, who would otherwise be riding bicycles which are capable of far less damage to True Christians. They undermine our economy by selling cheapo commie chink cars to people who would have otherwise purchased American made cars made by American Christian workers. By undermining our culture and economy, they are clearly the enemy. And any person who provides aid or comfort to the enemy, is guilty of treason.

Once a person has committed the treasonous act of purchasing one of these pagan vehicles, or, Lord forbid, a completely electric foreign vehicle, then it is only a matter of time before Satan commands them to commit even more severe acts of treason, such as voting for gay marriage or selling state secrets.

[Bible Student]

Re: Jack's Introduction

A Prius is a vehicle manufactured by Toyota. Toyota is a Japanese company, run by chinks. By purchasing a Prius, you are in effect sending money to the godless Heathens who still do not embrace True Christian values, even after being subjugated by the Americans in World War II with the use of the Atom Bomb.

They continue to espouse their pagan views, and attempt to undermine the American economy even though we have a strong military presence in their country. They actively advertise their "environmentally friendly" devil cars to the pagan hippies, who would otherwise be riding bicycles which are capable of far less damage to True Christians. They undermine our economy by selling cheapo commie chink cars to people who would have otherwise purchased American made cars made by American Christian workers. By undermining our culture and economy, they are clearly the enemy. And any person who provides aid or comfort to the enemy, is guilty of treason.

Once a person has committed the treasonous act of purchasing one of these pagan vehicles, or, Lord forbid, a completely electric foreign vehicle, then it is only a matter of time before Satan commands them to commit even more severe acts of treason, such as voting for gay marriage or selling state secrets.

You do realize that the person who purchased the Prius, did so with Godly American money and quite possibly from a good American Christian car dealer, do you not?

Another thing you are so wrong about is your assertion as to taking money from American workers. There are several US of A plants that manufacture the Prius. So while you are on your Satan inspired hate campaign, you are taking money and food away from good Christian workers.

http://www.matternetwork.com/2008/7/prius-made-in-america.cfm

If you had spent more time praying and studying your 1611 King James Bible as Lisa, BelieverinGod, and Rev. Jim urged you then quite possibly Baby Jesus might have filled you with the Holy Spirit and revealed this truth to you on His birthday. Why don't you pray for a smidgen of wisdom while you are at it?

By the way, though you have come to Landover Baptist Church which is admirable, why aren't you spending your time praying and celebrating the birth of our sweet Baby Jesus?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Jack's Introduction

Mr. Jack, I notice that you referenced repeatedly your "campaign against Negroes".

I believe from this that you are a racist. We do not allow racism on this forum.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Jack's Introduction

Friend, I admire your spirit and sympathise with your unfortunate retardation. I shall pray to God for it to be lifted so that, one day, you may join us in Church (and, ultimately, Heaven). However, I must concur with my Brothers and Sisters in rebuking you for disobeying Romans 13. Breaching secular law is against God, and I would advise you to repent of it at once, and channel your energies into more constructive activities. For instance, if you were to become a traffic policeman and make it your mission to hunt down these miscreants, arrest them for whatever crimes you believe them to have committed, confiscate their vehicles as evidence, and then take said vehicles apart - in your capacity as an officer of the law, of course - to look for drugs or weapons hidden within the car, that would be entirely legitimate and even Godly. Do you understand?