please help

[Fryer Good Shepherd]

dear all,

I fear having a big problem. Recently I accidently crushed my balls when i dropped the lid of the toilet seat.
It hurt a lot so I began to read in the bible (something I always do when i feel pain). Upon redaing, I stumbled upon this verse:

Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

What can I do now? I fear everything is lost now and i will go to hell for sure. Or can i still be saved?
Please help me because i don't know what tot do anymore.

Blessings,

Fryer Good Shepherd

[Brother Temperance]

Re: please help

Reading the King James Bible instead of a false translation would be a good start.

[Fryer Good Shepherd]

Re: please help

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
King James bible says the same thing ... i am so doomed

[Jesus is Lord]

Re: please help

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
King James bible says the same thing ... i am so doomed

What did you do to make Jesus so upset He saw fit to crush your stones?

[Nobar King]

Re: please help

I'm wondering how you managed to get your testes crushed by the toilet seat unless you did it intentionally or maybe you are a midget. Either way, things don't look good for you, but I would suggest not cutting them off even if they don't ever work right, again.

In the future you should consider putting your junk away before you flush and close the toilet seat, either that, or just sit on it and pee like a woman.

[Fryer Good Shepherd]

Re: please help

i am a midget, but i would prefer you called me a very diminutive person

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: please help

I'm wondering how you managed to get your testes crushed by the toilet seat unless you did it intentionally or maybe you are a midget. Either way, things don't look good for you, but I would suggest not cutting them off even if they don't ever work right, again.

In the future you should consider putting your junk away before you flush and close the toilet seat, either that, or just sit on it and pee like a woman.

That's what I was thinking too. Perhaps we can gonad that to the list of Divine Minor Smitings.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: please help

i am a midget, but i would prefer you called me a very diminutive person

Well God hates cripples of all kind, so your tiny crushed marbles won't make much difference.

Ayway, how do you plan to spend the rest of your days on earth: Doing satan's bidding by whining about your lot, or worshiping Jesus properly, despite the clear fact that He hates you?

[Liam the ex-drunk]

Re: please help

He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
King James bible says the same thing ... i am so doomed

Is that your favourite bible verse?

[Brother Scott]

Re: please help

dear all,

I fear having a big problem. Recently I accidently crushed my balls when i dropped the lid of the toilet seat.
It hurt a lot so I began to read in the bible (something I always do when i feel pain). Upon redaing, I stumbled upon this verse:

Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

What can I do now? I fear everything is lost now and i will go to hell for sure. Or can i still be saved?
Please help me because i don't know what tot do anymore.

Blessings,

Fryer Good Shepherd

I am sorry to inform you of this, but this is something you probably should have taken into account BEFORE attempting to commit a lewd act with a commode.

I fear that your soul is lost due to your obvious decadent and perverse lifestyle and it is doubtful that there is anything that can be done now.

The good news is, there is no mention of "toilet seats" in the Bible, hence you won't have to worry about your testicles being smashed in that particular way while burning for eternity in the lake of fire.

[Fryer Good Shepherd]

Re: please help

i never knew that god hates all cripples. my godfearing father always told me that being "a midget", as you use it in a derogatory sence, is actually a plus because it is easier for me to go through the eye of a needle than most people.

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: please help

i never knew that god hates all cripples. my godfearing father always told me that being "a midget", as you use it in a derogatory sence, is actually a plus because it is easier for me to go through the eye of a needle than most people.

I think you misheard him. He said 'microbe'.

Are you dsylxexic by any chacne?

[James Dewitt]

Re: please help

I wonder what his mom and dad did to upset God in the first place? If I where this midget with broken stones(How dumb can you get slamming a toilet seat on them) I would go to the doctor and have the boys checked out for the AID. You never know if a Homer was licking the toilet seat.

[Fryer Good Shepherd]

Re: please help

Yes, i am a dysexian, but, as a carpenter, it doesn't matter at all. All i have to do is nailing broads

[James Dewitt]

Re: please help

Yes, i am a dysexian, but, as a carpenter, it doesn't matter at all. All i have to do is nailing broads

I can see the reading a tape measure would not affect you too much. 54 1/4 or 45 4/1 see what I mean.